Definitely the jellyfish, Irukandji syndrome is a thing from itty bitty jellyfish that you can’t even see that will flipping kill you in a heartbeat, or lack thereof.
Stonefish. Just lying there hiding on the bottom, right in your way, and if you step on their camouflaged ass, they have the gall to sting you with deadly toxin.
None scare me so much as the tempestuous sea itself. Holding all the biological nightmares, plus countless undiscovered, as well as natural disasters, pirates, doldrums, riptide, and damaging salt water. No thank you, I enjoy being inland.
@CaptAmehrican They aren’t deadly, they just slice the crap out of your foot when stepped on. I don’t think there is a Midwest lake that doesn’t have them by now.
@CaptAmehrican To take the conversation forward a few steps, “it’d be great if Asian carp were found to be delicious and harvested until depleted in the Mississippi River and its tributaries before they reach the Great Lakes.”.
@moonhat doesn’t matter if they’d hurt me, I feel like that wasn’t the question. Its just a terrifying animal. Scares me more than a shark, but I used to have all the Shamu toys as a kid. I used to love them and now it’s the fear you get when you’re the only one in the swimming pool and then suddenly you’re imagining that there’s something in the water and it’s after you. Irrational as it is I’ll own it.
I rate these things in descending order of how shootable they seem.
Stingrays may shove their stabby tails right in your heart, on the one hand, but on the other hand, you’d expect them to respond to bulletry.
When you’re in jelly waters though, you’re just screwed. Can’t fight an amorphous mass of deadly tentacles. Even a squid, if you shoot it enough, you’d expect it to leave or die. Jellyfish though. It’d be like dying to a swarm of bees. They’d just spread out and wrap around you.
This is also why the notion of an undertow is so much scarier than animals. You’re just splashing around in your water wings when Posiedon goes “yoink!” and then you’re a mile down in the center of the ocean. Good luck with that.
How is the Kraken not on this list?
Clutch - Release the Kraken
@ruouttaurmind
/wootstalker https://shirt.woot.com/offers/ice-cream-kraken-1
Ice Cream Kraken
Price: $19.00
Condition: Probably New
/wootstalker https://shirt.woot.com/offers/lets-get-kraken
Let’s Get Kraken
Price: $19.00
Condition: Probably New
/wootstalker https://shirt.woot.com/offers/whats-kraken-2
What’s Kraken!?
Price: $19.00
Condition: Probably New
/wootstalker https://shirt.woot.com/offers/caution-kraken-released
CAUTION: KRAKEN RELEASED
Price: $19.00
Condition: Probably New
@PlacidPenguin @ruouttaurmind
/image kraken rum
@ruouttaurmind Not to be pedantic but, a kraken is essentially a squid.
@Fuzzalini Aye, you may speak the truth, but kraken be a much more fearsome name.
An obvious omission…
/giphy Octopus
@hems79 Holy cripes! That Octo looks like a goat’s head! IT’S GOATOPUS!
@hems79
I live so far from the ocean, I’m not scared of any sea creatures. Even when i end up at the beach i give them zero thought.
Note to self: Don’t ever go for sushi with @evilstan60
Giant squid. Apparently they’re a big problem for schoolgirls in anime.
@cpierce
/image hen tie
Sailors.
@Pony aww sailors can be awesome
@CaptAmehrican I speak only from my experience of working at a popular nightclub that was close to the waterfront.
@Pony what would you do with a drunken sailor?
@CaptAmehrican My vote would be to put him in the bilge and make him drink it.
@CaptAmehrican @Pony grossness.
/giphy serious yuck
SpongeBob SquarePants.
@heartny
Here’s a picture of them after they went to Glove World.
This is why - for big water - Lake Michigan is hard to beat. At least in the summer.
None of those evil sea monsters.
@RedOak
Meh.
I prefer Lake Titicaca.
@PlacidPenguin @RedOak That child makes a compelling point about piranha-cat.
@PlacidPenguin that’s a quaint little lake but at 1/7th the size it would fit lengthwise across Lake Michigan’s width.
And being in Peru, it isn’t an easy 3-4 hour drive away.
@RedOak
So move to Peru.
@PlacidPenguin but you’re the one who likes Peru!
I’m very happy with Lake Michigan, thanks.
Definitely the jellyfish, Irukandji syndrome is a thing from itty bitty jellyfish that you can’t even see that will flipping kill you in a heartbeat, or lack thereof.
Penguins (the placid type)
@mfladd
/giphy placid type penguins
@mfladd
@mfladd
Evil Penguin in my Pocket.
A sharknado. What else could it be?
Can I just say all of them? Pools are where it’s at - no swimming things to bite me
Whatever it is that swims by your leg when you’re in the lake. That thing.
Stonefish. Just lying there hiding on the bottom, right in your way, and if you step on their camouflaged ass, they have the gall to sting you with deadly toxin.
Pricks.
None scare me so much as the tempestuous sea itself. Holding all the biological nightmares, plus countless undiscovered, as well as natural disasters, pirates, doldrums, riptide, and damaging salt water. No thank you, I enjoy being inland.
Megalodon
Or maybe those brain-eating ameoba that swim up your nose and you never see them coming. (Technically, not a sea creature.)
@2many2no
/youtube meg movie trailer
@2many2no @RiotDemon Good book. Fun trailer. I hope the movie’s up to snuff.
@2many2no @RiotDemon
They’re gonna need a bigger boat.
Pirates.
Sharktopus obviously
/giphy sharktopus
Zebra mussels
@CaptAmehrican They aren’t deadly, they just slice the crap out of your foot when stepped on. I don’t think there is a Midwest lake that doesn’t have them by now.
@rtjhnstn well yeah but they are absolutely wrevking the great lakes. An ecological disaster
@CaptAmehrican To take the conversation forward a few steps, “it’d be great if Asian carp were found to be delicious and harvested until depleted in the Mississippi River and its tributaries before they reach the Great Lakes.”.
@CaptAmehrican @rtjhnstn Just make them into ‘fish sticks’ - then flavor isn’t so important
Cosmic horror is the best kind
/giphy cthulhu
Humans. Far worse than anything we could imagine.
@PocketBrain But they’re so tasty!
@mike808 @PocketBrain needs more ketchup.
https://meh.com/forum/topics/queasy-readers-shall-not-pass----wtf-reddit-thread
@mike808 @PocketBrain Long pig. Here’s a recipe. Personally I’d be a lot more generous with the seasonings. And in case you can’t find a good butcher.
Orca (killer whale)
@d2atfallen I hope you are kidding- they have never harmed a human ever. Except the captive ones, sadly.
@d2atfallen @moonhat @narfcake
Penguinshirtwoot has this delight:
/wootstalker https://shirt.woot.com/offers/hold-still-guys
Hold Still Guys!
Price: $19.00
Condition: Probably New
@moonhat doesn’t matter if they’d hurt me, I feel like that wasn’t the question. Its just a terrifying animal. Scares me more than a shark, but I used to have all the Shamu toys as a kid. I used to love them and now it’s the fear you get when you’re the only one in the swimming pool and then suddenly you’re imagining that there’s something in the water and it’s after you. Irrational as it is I’ll own it.
@moonhat @narfcake @PlacidPenguin Ha! Blending in at it’s best. I can appreciate that.
I rate these things in descending order of how shootable they seem.
Stingrays may shove their stabby tails right in your heart, on the one hand, but on the other hand, you’d expect them to respond to bulletry.
When you’re in jelly waters though, you’re just screwed. Can’t fight an amorphous mass of deadly tentacles. Even a squid, if you shoot it enough, you’d expect it to leave or die. Jellyfish though. It’d be like dying to a swarm of bees. They’d just spread out and wrap around you.
This is also why the notion of an undertow is so much scarier than animals. You’re just splashing around in your water wings when Posiedon goes “yoink!” and then you’re a mile down in the center of the ocean. Good luck with that.
You can’t shoot the ocean.
Not effectively.
Portuguese Man o’ War - It’s not right that something so beautiful should be so deadly.
ALL of them. Just… all of them! That’s why I don’t go in the ocean. ;;;shudder;;;
@djslack That’s about one of the best scenes ever. Love it.
The lionfish:
You don’t want to mess with this beautiful thing - usually Nature saves beauty to bhold, but thiis critter will put you to sleep…literally!