I have a co-worker who is a genuine accidental Norm Crosby. You can never even convince him that he has the expression wrong. A few of my favorites:
“I have another ace up my hole”
“That is a pain in the royal ass”
“Hesitation is the root of all evil”
The metaphor is not necessarily mixed here, but I always got very tickled when my friend’s father would refer to someone as being “about as sharp as the leading edge of a meatball”.
I about get out you…
This is one my dad swears is a southern saying.
No other southern I have ever talked to knows it. I mean not really a metaphor but my dad loves to just BS a lot.
I should make a book called shit my dad says it might even become a bestseller… oh wait.
My favorite is two in the hand is worth 1 in the bush. I may have died and gone to hell when From laughing when he first said that.
Who else watches Trailer Park Boys?
Rickyisms are the best - more like mixed-up metaphors.
Some of my favorites:
“It’s water under the fridge”
“Worst case Ontario”
“It doesn’t take rocket appliances”
“Get two birds stoned at once”
“Keep your friends close, but get your enemy’s toaster” (“we gotta get Randy’s toaster”)
There’s a million more, lots of malapropisms and misanunciations (like that).
Another favorite is, “I hate to say a toad a so, but I fuckin’ a toad a so.”
Also, “Lahey was my mother’s mating name.”
edit: found another good one -
Ricky: “Maybe we could become friends with the Benedicts.”
Lucy: “Who are the Benedicts?”
Ricky: “You know, those people you become friends with if you wanna bang each other with no things attached. ‘Friends with the Benedicts’.”
@eonfifty I also like to throw in Mickey D’s references, like “A couple of lightbulbs shy of a Happy Meal,” or “A couple of fries short of a full deck.”
I once had a co-worker who used with regularity, “Changing horses of a different color in the middle of the stream”. Cannot imagine how drunk someone would have to be to come up with that one in the first place. Maybe too many 55 oz. glasses of beer???
Not metaphors, but a friend’s boss was quite flexible with language. They had a container of zinc primate paint (you know, the yellow-green aircraft paint). And a can of all porpoise grease.
my fave saying?..Was one I heard in the 1980’s from a car salesman back in Jersey…Whenever I had a question about something, his way of saying it wasn’t important or did not matter was “Thats invenerial”
However, my number one number two phrase comes from my years as a paramedic:
“Of all the mistakes I’ve ever made as a paramedic over the years, I’ve never ever misdiagnosed death; and very few whom I’ve said were dead have ever come back to say I was wrong.”
“Let’s not burn that bridge 'till we come to it.”
I have a co-worker who is a genuine accidental Norm Crosby. You can never even convince him that he has the expression wrong. A few of my favorites:
“I have another ace up my hole”
“That is a pain in the royal ass”
“Hesitation is the root of all evil”
My exes dad used to do that all the time.
Let’s make like a tree and split was one he said often.
Pop used to say, “Don’t count your horses 'til they’re locked in the barn.”
All of these are much funnier when said in a bold Apu-esque Indian accent.
Or for even more fun, channel the dude from Short Circuit…
@shahnm No disassemble Stephanie!
@tngrannyd Not that dude. The Indian dude.
@shahnm @tngrannyd headlights are being wery popular at night!
@djslack @tngrannyd You will be awarded the cake.
This isn’t rocket surgery, you know!
@mehcuda67 That’s mine also.
@mehcuda67 I use this at work…my boss used this in a company wide presentation
The metaphor is not necessarily mixed here, but I always got very tickled when my friend’s father would refer to someone as being “about as sharp as the leading edge of a meatball”.
You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make a silk purse from a sow’s ear.
True story.
@shahnm
Wanna bet on the second part?
Lol
I about get out you…
This is one my dad swears is a southern saying.
No other southern I have ever talked to knows it. I mean not really a metaphor but my dad loves to just BS a lot.
I should make a book called shit my dad says it might even become a bestseller… oh wait.
My favorite is two in the hand is worth 1 in the bush. I may have died and gone to hell when From laughing when he first said that.
I would not trust him with a ten foot pole.
Up a tree without a paddle.
Who else watches Trailer Park Boys?
Rickyisms are the best - more like mixed-up metaphors.
Some of my favorites:
“It’s water under the fridge”
“Worst case Ontario”
“It doesn’t take rocket appliances”
“Get two birds stoned at once”
“Keep your friends close, but get your enemy’s toaster” (“we gotta get Randy’s toaster”)
There’s a million more, lots of malapropisms and misanunciations (like that).
Another favorite is, “I hate to say a toad a so, but I fuckin’ a toad a so.”
Also, “Lahey was my mother’s mating name.”
edit: found another good one -
Ricky: “Maybe we could become friends with the Benedicts.”
Lucy: “Who are the Benedicts?”
Ricky: “You know, those people you become friends with if you wanna bang each other with no things attached. ‘Friends with the Benedicts’.”
From The All-Time Champ of these, Yogi Berra:
(Many so familiar that they have become popular cliches)
"This is like deja vu all over again"
"You should always go to other people’s funerals, otherwise, they won’t come to yours."
"You got to be very careful if you don’t know where you’re going, because you might not get there."
And so many more:
https://www.successories.com/iquote/author/1428/yogi-berra-quotes/1
/image Yogi Berra
It’s like shooting monkeys in a barrel.
It’s like trying to put 10lbs of shit in a
5lb bag…
@somf69 original definition of a blivet!
https://encyclopedia2.thefreedictionary.com/blivet
Not the sharpest bulb in the shed.
@eonfifty or its corollary - Not the brightest tool in the drawer.
@eonfifty I also like to throw in Mickey D’s references, like “A couple of lightbulbs shy of a Happy Meal,” or “A couple of fries short of a full deck.”
@eonfifty Not the sharpest marble in the deck.
Don’t lose your steak while the calendar’s gone…
@Limewater
BWAHAHAHA good one!
Kill two stones with one bird - my fave
Six of one, half million of the other…
@macromeh I was a teenager before I realized it wasn’t, “six of one half, a dozen of the other.”
You’re not the brightest bean in the drawer.
I once had a co-worker who used with regularity, “Changing horses of a different color in the middle of the stream”. Cannot imagine how drunk someone would have to be to come up with that one in the first place. Maybe too many 55 oz. glasses of beer???
My momma always told me I was 4 pianos short of an orchestra.
Had a friend that always used these interchangeably:
Is a bear catholic?
Does the pope shit in the woods?
Not metaphors, but a friend’s boss was quite flexible with language. They had a container of zinc primate paint (you know, the yellow-green aircraft paint). And a can of all porpoise grease.
my fave saying?..Was one I heard in the 1980’s from a car salesman back in Jersey…Whenever I had a question about something, his way of saying it wasn’t important or did not matter was “Thats invenerial”
Rome wasn’t burned in a day.
It’s all fun and games until the cows come home.
“My left hand foot”
However, my number one number two phrase comes from my years as a paramedic:
“Of all the mistakes I’ve ever made as a paramedic over the years, I’ve never ever misdiagnosed death; and very few whom I’ve said were dead have ever come back to say I was wrong.”