Triskaidekaphobia-thon compilation, all the Meh faces in a gif, AND if you're reading this you made it through Friday the 13th!

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On such an unlucky day as Friday the 13th, it’s important to have a few good luck charms around. For example: four-leaf clovers. Now if you can’t find a four-leaf clover, consider hiring a cosmetic clover surgeon to give a normal clover a leaf implant.

This Instant Regret Kit may or may not contain a VHS copy of Friday The 13th 7: Baby Jason in the Big City.

Remember that all unlucky things are even more unlucky on Friday the 13th. So don’t walk under any ladders. Instead, climb all ladders you see. What you find at the top is yours to keep. Those are the rules of Friday the 13th.

This Instant Regret Kit may or may not contain a VHS copy of Friday The 13th 10: Jason Goes to College.

Remember that Friday the 13th starts in Australia sometime on the 12th here in the United States. For this reason, avoiding eating lunch at Outback Steakhouses on Thursdays preceding Friday the 13th.

This Instant Regret Kit may or may not contain a VHS copy of Friday The 13th 21: Mo Jason, Mo Problems, starring Jason Momoa as Jason.

Some hotels skip the 13th floor to avoid bad luck. We recommend you do the same with Friday the 13th. Pretend it’s already Saturday the 14th. When it’s Saturday, pretend it’s Sunday. Everyone else’s Sunday the 15th is your Monday the 16th. You’re locked into this schedule now. You’ll forever be a day ahead of everyone you know.

This Instant Regret Kit may or may not contain a VHS copy of Friday The 13th 15: Jason Vs. Chucky, But Not That Chucky (Rather It Is Jason Vs. Former NBA Player, Chucky Atkins)

It’s good to have good luck charms on an unlucky day like Friday the 13th. For example, a lucky rabbit’s foot. But remember, that foot has to belong to a lucky rabbit. So, before you remove the foot, take the rabbit to the casino, sit it at a blackjack table, and see how it does.

This Instant Regret Kit may or may not contain a VHS copy of Friday The 13th 19: Jason vs. Jason, in which Jason must learn to slay the most elusive teen of all: his self-doubt.

Any normal day, stepping on a crack could break your mother’s back. On Friday the 13th, stepping on a crack will break your mother’s heart and/or her willingness to share her HBO Max password.

This Instant Regret Kit may or may not contain a VHS copy of Friday The 13th 24: Tokyo Grift, in which masked murderer Jason lies his way to the top of a Japanese media conglomerate.

Don’t forget to consume three lucky burritos every hour of Friday the 13th. It might make you feel a little sick, eating that much. But that’s just all the luck in you!

This Instant Regret Kit may or may not contain a VHS copy of Friday The 13th 21: Momma Said There Will Be Daze Like This, in which Jason wants to do a bunch of murder, but he keeps misplacing his machete and spacing out. Is it a cold coming on? A change in the weather? Or did he just sleep poorly the night before?

Don’t say Bloody Mary in front of a mirror three times on Friday the 13th. And if you do it by accident, just add an “-ionette” to the end. That way, at least when Bloody Mary appears, she’ll be a puppet.

This Instant Regret Kit may or may not contain a VHS copy of Friday The 13th the 13th: 2 Thirteenth, 2 Furious.

Remember, breaking a mirror is bad luck, and therefore double bad luck on Friday the 13th. So don’t break any! Or, if you do, spin it as something you did on purpose. Announce loudly that you weren’t breaking a mirror; you were making several smaller asymmetrical mirrors so more people can look at themselves at the same time. Now, you’re basically a Robin Hood of reflection!

Friday the 13th is bad luck, but itchy palms are good luck. So, this Friday the 13th, shove your hands into some poison ivy. Now the day won’t be able to mess with you!

Try not to open any umbrellas inside this Friday the 13th to avoid bad luck. If you do, by accident, remember: closing it doesn’t help. There’s only one solution: punching a hole in the ceiling. And if that only opens up to another room, go up there and punch a hole in that room’s ceiling. Basically, keep punching until you see daylight.

Want to do something good that’ll keep others from suffering bad luck this Friday the 13th? Wear a bamboo suit into a crowded area. Now, everyone bumping into you is knocking on wood!

Don’t forget: for luck on this, the unluckiest of days, be sure to tie your shoes with a Venetian knot. And if you’ve forgotten how to tie a Venetian knot, here’s a quick reminder: two loops, round the tree, bunny ears, car crash, unrequited lovers, battering ram, firm tug.

Throwing spilled salt over your shoulder is good luck. Also, if you turn your back to the table while you do it, thus showering your dish with the salt, it’s a great way to add some flavor to under-seasoned food without insulting the chef.

Don’t forget to bring your lucky dice with you today. Or your lucky ice. Only, if it’s the latter, be sure put it with a cold pack, or your luck will melt very quickly.

Given the unluckiness of this day, remember to change your black cats’ names to whatever your lucky numbers are.

This Instant Regret Kit may or may not contain a VHS copy of Friday The 13th 31: Jason Goes To Hollywood.

On the one hand, finding a horseshoe could be good luck on a day like Friday the 13th. On the other hand, if you’re just finding stray horse shoes around, you might want to get out of there. Could be some rowdy shoe-less horses around.

This Instant Regret Kit may or may not contain a VHS copy of Friday The 13th 25: Jason J. Sin.

Sure, we can do all we want to avoid bad luck today, Friday the 13th. But really, we should be thinking towards the future and asking ourselves, how can we avoid this terrible day repeating?

The answer is actually quite simple. We need to pass legislation to make it so that every Thursday the 12th lasts for 48 hours. Call your representatives today!

This Instant Regret Kit may or may not contain a VHS copy of Friday The 13th 17: Jason’s Farmyard Friends.

Keep in mind that Lucky Brand Apparel is not necessarily all that lucky. Rather, they’re named for their founder Curtis Luckee.

We mention this because every Friday the 13th, millions waste money on bad jeans they’ll never wear again in the hopes of warding off bad luck.

This Instant Regret Kit may or may not contain a VHS copy of Friday The 13th 26: Jason, ESQ, in which Jason represents himself in a court of law.

To keep from having bad luck on Friday the 13th, eat a lucky meal. For example, Luck a D’orange.

This Instant Regret Kit may or may not contain a VHS copy of Friday The 13th 33: The Mystery of Cragston Manor.

Remember: knocking on wood gives you good luck, banging on wood gives you better luck, totally clobbering wood gives you great luck, and releasing termites into a wooden structure gives you the best luck.

This Instant Regret Kit may or may not contain a VHS copy of Friday The 13th 38: He Puts The Ace In Jason, in which Jason must balance his murder career with his standing as an up-and-coming star of the Poker World Series.

Try and self-actualize some luck this Friday the 13th by saying the word “luck” as much as possible. To keep from weirding people out, don’t just mumble “lucky, lucky, lucky” under your breath, though. Instead, use the word “luck” in place of “look,” or start extensive conversations about quarterback Andrew Luck.

This Instant Regret Kit may or may not contain a VHS copy of Friday The 13th 41: Jason Dies.

Buy a lottery ticket on Friday the 13th. Since it’s the unluckiest day of the year, you won’t win. But that’s the point: to teach yourself a valuable lesson about gambling.

This Instant Regret Kit may or may not contain a VHS copy of Friday The 13th 42: Jason Lives.

To keep from having bad luck on Friday the 13th, read a lucky book. For example, The Adventures of Luckelberry Finn.

This Instant Regret Kit may or may not contain a VHS copy of Friday The 13th 43: Jason Actually Dies This Time.

Afraid of having bad luck on Friday the 13th? Great news: you can’t have bad luck if you’re stuck in bed with a killer hangover!

This Instant Regret Kit may or may not contain a VHS copy of Friday The 13th 44: No Wait, Jason Is Alive.

Pick up all pennies you see face-up on Friday the 13th for good luck. Then put them in your change bowl. Now, looking for quarters that you’ll feed the meter is an exciting treasure hunt!

This Instant Regret Kit may or may not contain a VHS copy of Friday The 13th 45: Jason Dies For Real, Seriously.

If you think about it, anything can be a lucky charm. Even this thing we’re selling right now! Just buying it could be lucky! Look, it’s a very unlucky day. We’re only looking out for you.

This Instant Regret Kit may or may not contain a VHS copy of Friday The 13th 46: Hmmm, Actually, It Looks Like Jason Is Alive Again.

Remember to spread the ash of a bonsai tree under your welcome mat on Friday the 13th. That’ll keep bad luck away.

Wait, what do you mean, you’ve never heard that before? Doug told us about it! Unless…

Ugh! Doug! You owe us a bonsai tree, you asshole!

This Instant Regret Kit may or may not contain a VHS copy of Friday The 13th 47: Wait, That Was Just Someone Who Looks Like Jason.

Stay close to bakers on Friday the 13th. Why? Because bakers think 13 is a dozen, and a dozen isn’t an unlucky number. Their lack of knowledge in terms of basic counting might just keep you safe!

This Instant Regret Kit may or may not contain a VHS copy of Friday The 13th 48: Oh Shit, That’s Definitely Jason, And He’s Definitely Alive.

Honestly, the best thing you can do to avoid unlucky things happening to you this Friday the 13th is stay right here, checking our deals. Going to an actual store and browsing? Yikes! So many bad things can happen! But this? This is the internet! And when have you ever heard of something bad happening on the internet?

This Instant Regret Kit may or may not contain a VHS copy of Friday The 13th -10: Birth of Jason('s Great Grandfather, Who Is Also Named Jason).

It might be too late to put this one tip into play now, but we recommend peeling the bananas you want to eat Friday the 13th on Thursday the 12th. This way, the peels will be in the garbage, and you’ll be unlikely to suffer a comically unlucky slip and fall.

This Instant Regret Kit may or may not contain a VHS copy of Friday The 13th 36: Jason’s In Trouble.

A little piece of knowledge: horseshoes are considered lucky because they spend all their time under a horse and never get hurt. Therefore, you don’t need a horseshoe as a good luck charm this Friday the 13th. You just need to befriend the survivor of a violent horse attack.

This Instant Regret Kit may or may not contain a VHS copy of Friday The 13th 69: A Very NICE Sleepaway Camp Experience.

Hear us out: Friday the 13th is an unlucky day. Luck rhymes with buck. The Milwaukee Bucks won the 2021 NBA championship.

In conclusion: to keep from suffering bad luck this Friday the 13th, you need to make plans to move to Milwaukee.

This Instant Regret Kit may or may not contain a VHS copy of Friday The 13th 81: Jason Moves To Italy And Samples The Local Cuisine.

This Friday the 13th, eat some ice cream. Will it help your luck? We don’t know. But consider the possibilities. Best case scenario? It totally works. Worst case scenario? You just enjoyed some ice cream.

This Instant Regret Kit may or may not contain a VHS copy of Friday The 13th 1001: 1001 Nights… Of Jason.

To promote good luck on Friday the 13th, we recommend you use words that rhyme with ‘luck.’ We’re talking all day, constantly saying words that rhyme with ‘luck,’ no matter who you’re speaking to: your boss, your kids, anyone!

Or, wait…

This Instant Regret Kit may or may not contain a VHS copy of Friday The 13th 2001: A Jase Odyssey.

Remember on Friday the 13th to buy ten large cups of coffee, allow them to come to room temperature, and then gargle with them, holding a mouthful of lukewarm coffee in your mouth for 30 seconds before spitting it in the drain. If you do this until all the coffee is gone, you won’t have any bad luck.

Unless…

Ugh! Doug lied to us again! Dammit! We’ve been gargling for an hour!

This Instant Regret Kit may or may not contain a VHS copy of Friday The 13th 55: A Very Jason Thanksgiving.

Remember, breaking a mirror is bad luck any day, but especially Friday the 13th. So if you break one, be sure to go around breaking all the other mirrors you see. After all, you’re already screwed and it sure is fun to break mirrors!

This Instant Regret Kit may or may not contain a VHS copy of Friday The 13th 0: Just A Blank Tape.

This Friday the 13th remember: if you walk under a ladder, something bad might happen to you.

But if you walk under a step ladder, that means something bad has already happened to you. Namely, that you’ve been zapped by a shrink ray.

This Instant Regret Kit may or may not contain a VHS copy of Friday The 13th 3.5, which starts halfway through the 3rd Friday The 13th and ends halfway through the 4th.

Check your phone to make sure it is 12:01 am on Saturday the 14th before betting it all–your savings, the house, the car–on red.