Something You Must Have {{CLOSED}}
9Imagine, if you will that you’re a slightly eccentric but very successful billionaire. It's not surprising that you've developed a taste for the finer things in life, for the exotic…the unknown. For some reason Meh has caught your eye and you've decided that you must have us.
Pretend we're meeting in a trendy restaurant and come up with the best analogy you can for why you bought us. Perhaps we're the dust, dirt, and pet hair and you're the Roomba. We're the gentle grazing antelope and you're the lion. Or maybe you just really like seafood in the morning.
Most stars wins a terrible prize from the basement level of the warehouse. You have until midnight eastern. Have fun.
And the winner is...@TheVertigo! I'll work on getting Mr. Groban to deliver your prize personally while singing a lovely tune, but I don't know if I have that kind of clout.
- 33 comments, 14 replies
- Comment
Are you guys already planning on how to sell yourselves to Amazon again?
You all put the crap in the original bag of crap. That's why we live you. Quirky, random, unfiltered crap.
"I wanted to see the universe, so I stole a Time Lord and I ran away. And you were the only one mad enough."
Sexy!
@fait I figured it was equal parts eccentric/Fatal Attraction. Like I couldn't help but try and have my way with Meh.
You're like watching a 3 legged cat on a frozen pond trying to bury poop...utterly confusing.
Meh.com is like a wart on the back of my hand. I could ignore it an let it do it's thing while everyone just stares at it, or I could get some instant wart remover and make that sucker my b*tch. Now go get me some random crap...I own you guys now! DANCE, MONKEYS...DANCE!!
(Sorry - I'm crazy with imaginary power)
Meh is the sound of the unimpressed, and being a billionaire, I find myself uninterested by most things. I purchased you simply to entertain myself, and force your staff to hold up my pinky finger for me while I drink fine wine, so it doesn't get tired. Simply put, I'm an elegant cat, you are are my play toy.
Meh is like a bearded lady. You're sitting over there on your own, drawing your visitors, selling your tickets, and earning your dough. You're customers are entertained, but once they've seen you, how often do the come back? After all, you do the same thing every day... By buying Meh and incorporating it into my carnival's side show, we now have something! You continue to draw your visitors, but now, after gawking at your uniqueness, they now have some more traditional avenues to explore and ultimately dispose their hard earned cash. They'll very likely find reason to return more frequently. In short, profit...
With all this money I'm pretty meh about my life. So while I would like to purchase meh.com, I'm not sure I have the gumption. What were we doing here again?
Listen, after that last analogy came back in a very weird way I figured I'll just shoot straight with you. You're a very successful company and it scares me. I wanna buy it to cut out the competition and try to transform it into something I can understand. Even if that means completely changing the format to over saturate the deals landscape and wringing out the community for every last cent.
Hey, it may sound evil but at least it doesn't make me sound like a lunatic.
I want to "get real" with the people and get to that level. Like when I take the Maybach to the office, instead of the helicopter. I feel like I am among the common people, eating their McDonald's while internet chatting.
Meh connects me to this common consumer. You see, sometimes people don't want flashing lights and excitement. They just want something delivered straight forwards, no tricks.
You guys are the McDonald's of retail sales. Something cheap and quick that can be easily accessed. Sure, you might completely regret the choice afterwords, but you will always give into the deal. "OK, I'll bite. Send me that off-brand tablet".
In today's hectic world, apathy is the one thing that remains priceless.
Imagine the sky on a clear day. Now imagine the birds flying through the air. Now replace those birds with monkeys. Meh is like a flock of flying monkeys - beautiful, dangerous, and slinging crap.
meh.com is like the air sickness bag on an airplane. I probably won't have any use for it, but I don't want the person next to me to snatch it up should the need arise. That's the kind of regret I'm willing to pay top dollar to avoid.
I bought you because I needed a way to launder my drug money.
Mira, I grew up in Miami in the 80s. I've seen things at Palmetto High that you can't even imagine. I started in this business helping a friend out. In exchange for a green card, I gave Tony the opportunity to sell some of my stuff for me. Next thing I know, he's trying to undercut my business at every turn, and he's succeeding. A little taste of the good life is all he needed. I could've offered a partnership, but my hubris put me on an Ahabian quest to destroy him. It didn't end well for Tony Montana.
Meh, you're my new Tony. Say hello to my little friend.
Psst... a certain billionaire did go to Palmetto Senior High School in Miami, FL :)
Meh.com you are the chorus to a Josh Groban song. How can I pass that up.
UGH! more like GrobMAN
BY THE BEARD OF JOSH GROBAN!!!
<--- Do NOT click this star.
ok, i won't
ok, i won't
And he won't do it TWICE...
Phew! Thanks for that! I almost did the deed!
Because you're my lucky penny to my favorite dime...
duck tales! great success!
Wait... finer things in life... something you have to have... I KNOW THE ANSWER!
Because you're the cheese to my Mac. Amirite?... guys? Because my username.. Ah hell.
Meh is the hole with a shiny object I can use to trap people like raccoons. You drill a hole in the log and put something shiny in the bottom. Then you drive nails along the shaft, so the raccoon can get his hand in. But once he grabs the shiny object at the bottom, he can't get it out and he's stuck. Voila! They’ll pay for that trinket with their lives work, money…( fingers strumming together with a devious grin and head tilt)
"You see this spork? That's you. You're sharp enough to grab stuff, but just dull enough that I'm not afraid I'll hurt myself with it. On top of that, you're quirky enough that people will look twice at you (and maybe more). In short, you're useful, harmless and odd looking, so take my money!"
I want your company because my phone is too smart. It does so many things, but it's not good at the thing it's supposed to be - a phone. Your company is dumb, as in focused. It it just the thing it's supposed to be, nothing more. That's why I want your dumb company.
JUST CAUSE!
"You see this caviar.... Yeah, it's expired, slightly moldy, and is certainly inedible... and I'm probably going to have to go to the emergency room and have my stomach pumped, and my insurance rates will most likely go up... But I don't care. I want to eat it because it would be an adventure. You're the expired caviar, Meh..."
You're the fluffer for my porn star.
A cheeseburger. I must have it.
Meh is like... you know what, forget it. I'm so filthy rich, I don't even care how I spend my money.
I like pie.
Once when I was a small walrus, somebody took my bucket. On that day I vowed NEVER will someone do that to me AGAIN! I worked hard and made alot of money in the futures market. Now I go around taking other peoples "Buckets" as vengeance against a cruel world. You might call it a cycle of abuse, I call it something to do on Tuesday.
That's my favorite bedtime story!
You're the 2 G to my 1 C.
Because I literally had nothing to do today.
My grandmother always said I should be a doctor. But I wasn't really into that -- too much bodies and people contact and fluid. Messy business. I figure if I buy Mediocre Laboratories I'll get some of that medical- people connection thing my grandmother wanted for me, God rest her soul. Only doing this way, my way, I won't have to check some old guy's prostrate.
In under the wire, just found this contest. No one around to potentially vote. But I amused myself.