smartass answers to standard interview questions

carl669 went on a bit of a rant said
12

i wonder what a job interview would be like at meh/mediocre. just in case, i'm writing down my answers right now.

Q: What would you bring the team?
A: I'm Indian. So I'd diversify the shit out of your team. You like samosas? No?! Well, I'll teach you to like them jackass!

Q: Tell us about a time you had a conflict with someone and how you handled it.
A: I listened calmly to their side of the issue and then reached a compromise that would benefit everyone. Later, I threw rotten eggplants on their car.

Q: What would you consider some of your strengths?
A: I have a knack of being able to get along with just about anyone. Also, I don't get hangovers. Ever.

Q: What would you consider some of your weaknesses?
A: Sometimes I focus on a problem too much and it can impact other issues that need my attention. Also, I routinely don't bring enough pickled jalapenos to eat with my lunch.

Q: If you were a superhero, who would you be?
A: I have no idea. But I sure as shit wouldn't be Aquaman.

Q: If you were offered the job, when could you start?
A: Job? I thought I was here for the murder investigation. Now, do you want to know where the bodies are or not??