Sad news
44My wife, Elaine (SWMBO), passed away very suddenly on the 12th of November just 28 hours after her first symptoms of heart failure.
I’m mostly OK, but when the grief hits, it hits hard. Without knowledge of life after death, and eternal marriage, it would be unbearable.
https://websites.tukios.com/organizations/363/obituaries/elaine-gardner/

- 41 comments, 9 replies
- Comment
OMG… so sorry to hear this. After 48 years of marriage I know the loss of my wife would be a major blow. Good luck going forward. Spend the time remembering all those good days together. But remember the sadness comes with the event. It’s perfectly normal and acceptable.
BTW beautiful obit!
Death Is Nothing At All. By Henry Scott-Holland
Death is nothing at all.
It does not count.
I have only slipped away into the next room.
Nothing has happened.
Everything remains exactly as it was.
I am I, and you are you,
and the old life that we lived so fondly together is untouched, unchanged.
Whatever we were to each other, that we are still.
Call me by the old familiar name.
Speak of me in the easy way which you always used.
Put no difference into your tone.
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.
Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes that we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word that it always was.
Let it be spoken without an effort, without the ghost of a shadow upon it.
Life means all that it ever meant.
It is the same as it ever was.
There is absolute and unbroken continuity.
What is this death but a negligible accident?
Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?
I am but waiting for you, for an interval,
somewhere very near,
just round the corner.
All is well.
Nothing is hurt; nothing is lost.
One brief moment and all will be as it was before.
How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting when we meet again!
Henry Scott-Holland. “Death Is Nothing At All.” Family Friend Poems, https://www.familyfriendpoems.com/poem/death-is-nothing-at-all-by-henry-scott-holland
I am so sorry for your loss.
I can’t begin to imagine. My biggest fear is something happening to the kids or the Englishman. If I had all the words that would make it better, I would give them to you. So sorry for your loss.
So sorry for your loss.
So very sorry to hear this. I hope you’re hanging in there. I hope you are finding a way to process everything. I wish I knew what to say. Be good. Sorry.
I’m so very sorry for your loss. That was a very sweet obituary, she was clearly a truly lovely person.
I’m so very sorry for your loss. I know your pain all to well as I’ve been grieving the loss of my father (I know it’s not the same). This community has been wonderful to me. Please don’t be afraid to reach out or share a story if you want to talk about her. Everybody here has really let me vent, talk and helped me with my grief a lot.
@Star2236
We truly ARE a pretty special community, despite the name!
Although it does not seem sufficient, I am so very sorry.
May your memories of a wonderful life together help you through these difficult days.
/giphy ghost hug

You are greatly blessed to have her in your life and in your eternal life to come. Many never find someone that makes them whole. You are one of the lucky ones. God bless you both and I will continue to pray for your comfort. Amen.
Beautiful obituary, I’m very sorry for your loss.
I’m sorry.
I’m so sorry, @blaineg. She sounds like such a wonderful person, with her beautiful heart and “curly words”! That’s one of the loveliest obituaries I’ve ever read; I laughed through tears reading it.
Except for her love of Brussel sprouts she and I would have been fast friends.
So sorry for your loss!
@mikibell My sisters and niece that did some of the flowers worked Brussels sprouts and some cabbage leaves into the arrangement. They did it so well I didn’t notice until someone pointed them out to me.
@blaineg
That is freaking fantastic. What a tribute! And a sweet memory that will last you the rest of your life…
@blaineg @mikibell
I love Brussel sprouts.
I think I would have loved your late wife, had I known her.
My deepest condolences.
Apologies that I just saw this now.
I am sorry for your loss.
How incredibly hard! I wish you strength in the upcoming days, weeks and months.
The photo you posted of the two of you is incredible! You can see the love just radiate.
So many emotions, thoughts and memories. Time is precious, fleeting and slow all at once. Don’t forget to take care of yourself. Your family needs you and your beautiful BElaine would wish it. Virtual hugs and good thoughts sent.
May your wife’s life be honored by all she loved. May her memory be cherished for all she gave. May your heart be comforted by all you shared. Love lives forever in each memory.
“In honor of Elaine, forgive a hurt, let go of a grudge, comfort an aching heart, or heal a wound.”
I can’t think of a better way to honor someone. It is a reminder of our shared humanity, our inescapable frailty, and the power we all have to hurt or to heal.
I only hope that the expressions of sympathy here provide at least a beginning to the comfort of your undoubtedly aching heart. Thank you for trusting this bunch enough to share.
May Elaine’s memory be a blessing.
Please accept my heartfelt condolences.
Very sad news indeed. All my best wishes go out to you. I can’t imagine what you’re going through.
You have cheered us up often and I imagine Elaine had some part in that.
Thank you both.
Hope we will be able to do the same for you, as needed.
So very sorry for your loss! That is a beautiful obituary full of love.
Thank you all, I greatly appreciate it. I’ve blessed by a strong sense of peace through all of this, I’m grateful for that. Of course there are tears, and sometimes I’m a wreck, but having gone through this before with a brother and my parents I figure it’s pretty normal. When it hits, it hits hard. And it’s usually something small that triggers it; like “I’ll never refill that mug for her again” and “those are the last socks she folded for me”.
But I’m ok most of the time.
Eternal marriage is a blessing we know with all our faith that she will be waiting for you preparing your eternal home. I am so very sorry for your loss may the good Lord bless and keep you close to his heart, the wind whisper her love into your ear, and the sunshine wrap you in her arms until you meet again.
I’m so sorry for your loss
I’m very sorry for your loss
So sorry to hear this news. My deepest sympathies.
I am so sorry to hear this news. My condolences and prayers for you.
Her obituary was lovely. I wish nothing but the best for all of her friends and family.
Thank you for sharing that little glimpse of her precious life with us. You have a wonderful family.
We especially miss those lovely souls like Elaine when they pass to the next life, because they are so extraordinary.
But it would be unfair to ask them to be any less extraordinary.
So we must shoulder the greater measure of grief until we are with them again.
Elaine, you, and your family are in my prayers.
Russell M. Nelson:
The only way to take sorrow out of death is to take love out of life
@blaineg
Words from Queen Elizabeth Ii, her words read in a speech (that was I think delivered by PM Tony Blair) at a NYC memorial service shortly after 9-11:
Grief is the price we pay for love
What a cute kid! (Years before I met her.)
@blaineg
She’s adorable.
Growing up in post World War II Britain I’m sure had a huge impact on her spirit.
Thanks for sharing your stories about Elaine with us.
What a beautiful obituary for a beautiful woman. She clearly was a light in this world and I’m so sorry for your loss.
So sorry for your loss. Her memory will be a blessing to you and all that knew her.
I first came across this story in Readers Digest when I was early elementary school I age I think.
Itt stuck with me. And it seems to have *stuck with Internet” to to speak.
So I googled the title and found the story:
“Other Worlds to Sing in” — A story
Way back in 1998, on the Usenet, I came across this story which is called Other Worlds to Sing in. It is also known as Information Please. For some reason, I cannot read this story without my eyes moistening up.
—-
INFORMATION PLEASE
A TRUE STORY
When I was quite young, my family had one of the first telephones in our neighourhood. I remember well the polished oak case fastened to the wall on the lower stair landing. The shiny receiver hung on the side of the box. I even remembered the number – 105. I was too little to reach the telephone, but used to listen with fascination when my mother talked into it. Once she lifted me up to speak to my father, who was away on business. Magic! Then I discovered that somewhere inside that wonderful device lived an amazing person – her name was “Information Please” and there was nothing that she did not know. My mother could ask her for anybody’s number and when our clock ran down, Information Please immediately supplied the correct time.
My first personal experience with this genie-in-the-receiver came one day while my mother was visiting a neighbour. Amusing myself at the toolbench in the basement, I whacked my finger with a hammer. The pain was terrible, but there didn’t seem to be of much use crying because there was no one home to offer sympathy. I walked around the house sucking my throbbing finger, finally arriving at the stairway. The telephone! Quickly, I ran for the footstool in the parlor and dragged it to the landing. Climbing up, I unhooked the receiver and held it to my ear. “Information Please,” I said into the mouthpiece just above my head. A click or two, and a small clear voice spoke into my ear. “Information.” “I hurt my fingerrr-” I wailed into the phone. The tears came readily enough now that I had an audience. “Isn’t your mother home?” came the question. “Nobody’s at home but me,” I blubbered. “Are you bleeding?”. “No”, I replied. “I hit it with the hammer and it hurts”. “Can you open your icebox?” she asked. I said I could. “Then chip off a little piece of ice and hold it on your finger. That will stop the hurt. Be careful when you use the ice pick,” she admonished. “And don’t cry. You’ll be alright”.
After that, I called Information Please for everything. I asked for help with my Geography and she told me where Philadelphia was, and the Orinoco–the romantic river I was going to explore when I grew up. She helped me with my Arithmetic, and she told me that a pet chipmunk–I had caught him in the park just that day before–would eat fruits and nuts. And there was the time that Petey, our pet canary, died. I called Information Please and told her the sad story. She listened, then said the usual things grown-up say to soothe a child. But I was unconsoled. Why was it that birds should sing so beautifully and bring joy to whole families, only to end as a heap of feathers feet up, on the bottom of a cage? She must have sensed my deep concern, for she quietly said, “Paul, always remember that there are other worlds to sing in.” Somehow, I felt better.
Another day I was at the telephone. “Information,” said the now familiar voice. “How do you spell fix?”. F-I-X.” At that instant my sister, who took unholy joy in scaring me, jumped off the stairs at me with a banshee shriek-“Yaaaaaaaaaa!” I fell off the stool, pulling the receiver out of the box by its roots. We were both terrified–Information Please was no longer there, and I was not at all sure that I hadn’t hurt her when I pulled the receiver out. Minutes later, there was a man on the porch. “I’m a telephone repairman. I was working down the street and the operator said there might be some trouble at this number.” He reached for the receiver in my hand. “What happened?” I told him. “Well, we can fix that in a minute or two.” He opened the telephone box exposing a maze of wires and coils, and fiddled for a while with the end of the receiver cord, tightened things with a small screwdriver. He jiggled the hook up and down a few times, then spoke into the phone. “Hi, this is Pete. Everything’s under control at 105. The kid’s sister scared him and he pulled the cord out of the box.” He hung up, smiled, gave me a pat on the head and walked out the door.
All this took place in a small town in the Pacific Northwest. Then, when I was nine years old, we moved across he country to Boston-and I missed my mentor acutely. Information Please belonged in that old wooden box back at home, and I somehow never thought if trying the tall, skinny new phone that sat on the small table in the hall. Yet, as I grew into my teens, the memories of those childhood conversation never really left me; often in moments of doubt and perplexity I would recall the serene sense of security I had when I know that I could call Information Please and get the right answer. I appreciated now how very patient, understanding and kind she was to have wasted her time on a little boy.
A few years later, on my way back to college, my plane put down in Seattle. I had about half an hour between plan connections, and I spent 15 minutes or so on the phone with my sister who lived there now, happily mellowed by marriage and motherhood. Then, really without thinking what I was doing, I dialed my hometown operator and said, “Information Please.” Miraculously, I heard again the small, clear voice that I know so well: “Information.” I hadn’t planned this, but I heard myself saying, “Could you tell me, please, how to spell the word ‘fix’?” There was a long pause. Then came the softly spoken answer. “I guess,” said Information Please, “that your finger must have healed by now.” I laughed. “So it’s really still you. I wonder if you have any idea how much you meant to me during all that time….” “I wonder,” she replied, “if you know how much you meant to me? I never had any children, and I used to look forward to your calls. Silly, wasn’t it?” It didn’t seem silly, but I didn’t say so. Instead I told her how often I had thought of her over the years, and I asked if I could call her again when I come back to visit my sister when the semester was over. “Please do. Just ask for Sally.” “Goodbye Sally.” It sounded strange for Information Please to have a name. “If I run into any chipmunks, I’ll tell them to eat fruits and nuts.” “Do that,” she said. “And I expect one of these days you’ll be off for the Orinoco. Well, good-bye.”
Just three months later, I was back again at the Seattle airport. A different voice answered, “Information,” and I asked for Sally. “Are you a friend?” “Yes,” I said. “An old friend.” “Then I’m sorry to have to tell you. Sally had only been working part-time in the last few years because she was ill. She died five weeks ago.” But before I could hung up, she said, “Wait a minute. Did you say your name was Villard?” “Yes.” “Well, Sally left a message for you. She wrote it down.” “What was it?” I asked, almost knowing in advance what it would be. “Here it is, I’ll read it-‘Tell him I still say there are other worlds to sing in. He’ll know what I mean’”
I thanked her and hung up. I did know what Sally meant.
—-
Update: May 23rd 2007. The text above is a more comprehensive version of the story than the one I had before. Apparently the author of the piece is one Paul Villard. Thanks to G N Snell for pointing out the complete story.
https://deeshaa.org/other-worlds-to-sing-in-a-story/
@f00l What a charming story! It must be dusty in here…
@therealjrn
I’ve remembered this story from one reading all those decades ago.
@f00l
