Pretend to Get to Know These People {{CLOSED}}
6Everyone likes a good origin story but when you let people tell their own stories there tends to be a fair amount of embellishment, half-truths, and misremembered events.
So why not let someone that knows nothing about you tell your story?
Here's the game - explain the meaning and craft an origin story for the @username of the post above yours, not your own.
You can start with me.
Whatever story gets the most stars by midnight eastern is the winner.
And the winner is...@ceagee! Boy did you ever deserve it, that was so far beyond meh that it was almost disqualified.
- 35 comments, 21 replies
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I hate when people call me by my given name, 'John'. So I made adjustments. I'm in control of my name destiny!
I meant for my username to be walrusplanet because, let's be honest, who wouldn't want to live there?! Alas, I hit the enter key before I finished and now I'm stuck with walruspl. WTF is a walruspl?! Sigh. Another helpless victim of premature entriculation...
I think people should copy their reply and refresh the page before they submit their answer or this is going to get messy real quick...
agreed. i'm deleting my reply. edit: err....guess it's too late to delete.
"Hmm, I want something that celebrates my part-time job of assistant scrubber down at the Walrus Pool. 'WALRUSPOOL' ... Wait, there's a letter limit? ... 'WALRUSPOO' ... What, already taken? Fine."
Because DarthJay sounds so much more bad ass than Darth Vader. Just sayin. @DarthJay
I have way too much time on my hands and i love, i mean, worship celebrities (especially movie stars.) I kept getting yelled at and even chased when trying to stalk them and take pictures, collect trash they've dropped, dna samples etc. I came up with a great business idea. Hunters use blinds when stalking their prey, so why not a camouflaged blind to help me in stalking, i mean, worshiping movie stars. Starblind.net was created for just this purpose. Tell me what city you're in and which celebrities you are after and i can create a custom starblind just for you.
Patti loves rapper/artist/entreprenaur T.I and would love nothing more than to "pat" him on the shoulder. Dream on little dreamer dream on. @patti
@patti At the time of Patti's birth, her mother was incredibly confused thinking she was at a cookout. When answering what she thought was the question "Do you want a hot dog or hamburger patty?", the mother was actually replying to the question "And what would you like to name this beautiful child?" Patti grew up to be the inventor of Crocs and Snuggies.
janetv comes from her days as an anchorwoman at the local news station. She grew tired of people saying, "You're Jane from TV!" so she legally changed her name to "Jane From TV". Being her real name, it's actually a rather boring forum username.
F5 Y'all!
Haha I was writing my story on my tablet and when it finally posted it seems someone else was doing the same thing!
After TheVertigo spent 4 days straight on the internet, he gained an insane superpower: the ability to lose complete control of his balance and mind. Imbalanced and wonky, he stalks the night, making sure no sure-footed folks need a good-knocking-into. @thevertigo
@dis_member. Liked to take the legs off flies as a kid, which led to an interest in biology. Now works forensics specializing in tracking down serial killers. Best known for his work on the Jeffery Dahmer case.
@ceagee - once auditioned for the Bee Gees. after being rejected, started a band called the Cee Gees. ceegee kept being pronounced like "kee-gee", hence the 'a' in ceagee
@carl669 HUma-NA-HUma-NA... I'mmma Carlll and mah favorut #is... hehehhh sasasassiii-69
You know that singer who asked, "What if God was one of us?" If He were one of us He'd be just as mediocre as the rest of us, posting on meh as the Almighty1.
Dammit, I refreshed and everything. Saw nothing. Hit post above mine. Grrrr.
@TheAlmighty1 Was born Al Mighty, from the Dartmouth family of Mightys. Upon being born into such a dynasty, did the only natural thing upon getting married and having a child - he named his child Al Mighty Jr. Well, to make sure everyone knew which Mighty came first, he added the 1 to the end. Hence, TheAlmighty1.
@moondrake - the type of user to be a bomb ass rapper and star on DeGrasse. But what you didn't know is that they dream of returning home to a land of blue cheese and rocks, the moon. moon drake. The dopest rapper ever to come from lunar lands.
@Bingo - This guy... man, I had the worst night of my life with this guy. Starts out okay, we grab some burgers and shoot the breeze over some strawberry milkshakes, right? Then he's like, "hey I got this thing I do on Tuesdays." I'm like, "sure man, let's go."
He takes me to the Shady Pines Retirement Center, for bingo night. It smelled like Ben Gay and stale dreams in that hell hole. Then we both proceeded to lose for 3 straight hours. It was awful. But that wasn't all, man.
After losing, he's all pumped, see. It's starting to unnerve me. He says, "this is the fun part."
I can't even tell you about that, man. I will say that I can't ever look at a bingo marker again.
ThuMPERChick is a female who works a nightshift at the ER on Thursdays. She's has the reputation of loving Multi-Player video games
@medz - It took the 5th reading of this to appreciate its genius.
Probably would have been easier to decipher, but didn't post soon enough to be next post. was limited to # of chars here
@medz Medz real name is unpronounceable, and because of that he was always overlooked when on line. He took the name Medz hoping he'd no longer be ignored and allowed to play in the forum games. He thought people would pay attention to something as vital as medicine. Didn't work though. Poor overlooked Medz.
TERIPie is the founder of the catering service that provides pastries and other delights to the The Energy and Resources Institute.
@teripie really really loves My Little Pony Friendship Is Magic!!!! Rainbow Dash is the BEST pony EVER. Teripie is just like Rainbow Dash except Rainbow Dash is funnier, and faster, and ponier, and has beautiful rainbow hair.
And 20% cooler.
You might think @Teripie is simply named Teri and likes pie. You'd be wrong.
The Teripie we think we know is actually a kind elderly gentleman named Jim. His wife of 42 years, his dear Teri, used to bake fresh pies every Saturday morning. Jim never had the heart to tell her about his dislike for pie (or his mild berry allergy), as he is a sweet man, and didn't want to hurt her feelings.
When Teri passed away a few years ago, Jim resolved to spend more time doing what Teri had always wanted for him - he would start spending a lot more time on deal-of-the-day site forums.
Gah! Posted while I was writing it! You've gotta be fast around here. :-/ I guess Teri gets to pick which one she likes best.
@KylasaurusRex had been a struggling ostrich farmer when he tripped on a stale pastry and broke through the floor of the barn, tumbling into an immense cavern. He set off to explore, and had many wondrous adventures before being discovered by aliens that crashed in the 60's and have been hiding underground ever since. They taught him the art of Je-Llo and Cru-Mble, and sent him forth to fight for just desserts.
He still can't reach his own nose.
@Mavyn used to be a bootlegger in the 20s, but then found the stock market to be a more lucrative game until the Great Depression ruined their portfolio. Mayvn now is a Tupperware salesperson who also loves to fashion sculptures out of meat products.
I work mostly in Spam.
@BillLehecka is French for Bill "The Hecka".
@Soomass comes from 'soo mass' as in 'its such a mass'..
"Mass" is one of the names by which the sacrament of the Eucharist is commonly called in the Roman Catholic Church
Username has always been a very literal person. So of course, his username for any site is "username." And his password is always "password." He can't help being so literal, so please, don't hack his accounts.
@Pitamuffin - Exhibit got ahold of a bakery and decided to bread in bread, so you can bread while you bread. Out popped the best bread-bread ever, pitamuffin
@Thumperchick - Yep, that's right: I'm a Fremen hottie sending out a signal for the worm of my dreams. Fear is the mindkiller, baby.
@joelmw His full name is joelmwp477fslknnbhfpwkkkfualkhhfrarkfruosppwifklsiejfls but that's too hard to pronounce, so he shortened it to joelmw, but you can just call him Joe. He works in a button factory. He has a wife, a dog and a family.
@Marcee - Marcee was a white girl cheerleader in a predominantly black school. When she tried out for the squad, her name was Marci, but the other girls mocked her generic name, so she added some flair. Marcee now has it all - flair and red hair. Watch out.
I forgot to add, Marcee is totally hot. It's ridiculous.
It's funny because it's (mostly) true.
@Thumperchick TC or TeaSee or TeeSi as her friend likes to call her has a knack for drilling holes in mason jars, giving her opinion on things and being opinionated. Super creative by day, insomniac by night, TC keeps busy training alligators and collecting dog hair to make fluffy unicorn pillows.
Also mostly true. We suck at pretending.
@marcee was born w/ a lisp. She dreamt of faraway exciting places and studied very hard at school so she could one day fulfill her dreams. But she was also very very shy because of her lisp. This made her life very mediocre.
One day she was playing ordinary computer games and hanging out w/ her internet friends at Mediocre Laboratories while all the other kids were at the prom. She was sad and angry she wasn't invited and thought mean things about them. She especially was jealous of the popular @thumperchick. BTW, @thumperchick's mom thought she used that moniker b/c she liked to dance to rock & roll music, but it really had more to do with her escapades in the back of @JonT 's {or was it @joelmw 's } truck. Anyways, you get the idea.
So there was poor @marcee home while all the other kids were dancing. And boy could some of them dance. @starblind twirled around until she got dizzy, passed out and saw stars. She and @TheVertigo always danced together.
@medz was the one to always spike the punch and to make sure "herbal" refreshments were available in the parking lot. He was planning to go pre-med and was doing that to make money for school. Plus he was a stoner. @patti hung out w/ him. Her mom was a hippie and named her for Patti Smith. @patti was actually pretty good on the guitar, and she usually played a few sets w/ the band. She would get very annoyed when anyone called her "Peppermint Patty" b/c her dad called here that as he read the "Peanuts" comic strip OUT LOUD every day and that ruined it for her later when she read the paper. But it was usually just meh anyways.
There was also a little carnival at the prom and of course @bingo was in charge of the games. He annoyingly went around to the game players looking over there shoulders and yelling bingo ! in a nerdy kind of way. But he did do all the work organizing it, so the other kids put up w/ him. Except for @BillLehecka who teased him about it. But he did that to everyone. Even when he was out with his friends in NYC, he would heckle David Letterman when they went to the Tonight Show.
Sooner or later @jaybird was going to streak through the dance. He liked to get naked and act goofy.
@walruspl , @Darthjay , and @spacezorro were charter members of the Star Wars Club. They came in costumes that @moondrake , also a member and micheal jackson fan, helped to make. "Han shot first !" Someone, usually @BillLehecka , would yell to get them started. Oy.
@janetv was involved in everything . She planned this whole prom. She was the most popular girl in school. Well, unless you count @Thumperchick 's aforementioned "popularity". @janetv was a cheerleader and dreamed of being the weather girl on local WMEH. She was, of course, the editor of the school paper, so she always went around w/ her new IPhone taking intrusive videos of everyone and she would get her best friend @carl669 to upload them to the school blog and Youtube. She bossed @carl669 around and took full credit for his work.
But it gave @carl669 an excuse to take compromising pictures of the other kids. @carl669's claim to fame was that he had an old mustang convertible car and in the summer drove across route 66 9 times to California. At least that's the excuse @carl669 used for saying those were his favorite numbers. If @Thumperchick knew the truth about that, she wasn't talking.
@pitamuffin was the exchange student from Greece and someone thought it was a good idea to put her in charge of the refreshments. Creative is the word I would use for that. Trying to help her out was @Teripie, the current school champion of the annual pie eating contest.
@TheAlmighty1 was the coach and health class teacher of the school. He roared you listened.
The smart kids -- @mayven (Middle East Peace Club) , @username (Computer Club) and @KylasaurusRex ( Prehistoric club ) were all there too trying to out brown nose each other. Poor @marcee wasn't even able to hang out w/ the nerds.
So there they all were at the prom, while she played on her computer and bought things she didn't need from meh.com. Suddenly a freak electrical storm hit and fried @marcee's computer and @marcee herself.
She had a spiritual transformation and left this mediocre crowd to join a french convent. She was ever so grateful for this turn of events that she went around saying "Merci, Merci !" but w/ her lisp it came out " Marcee, Marcee" and so even the other nuns made fun of her and dubbed her sister @marcee. The end.
whew.
good lord
Ok, this one really needs to win. It is a thing of epic beauty.
Epic, indeed. I haven't been this exhausted from reading since I tacked Dante's Inferno! (Which was much less entertaining.)
I wish I had more stars to give you. Maybe you can play on my "popularity" to dig more up!
You can't see it, but I am bowing to you.
Thank you for your kind comments. I could've gone on many more tangents, and into more detail, but I'm exhausted.
holy fucking shit. color me impressed.
@ceagee That was amazing! Also "She would get very annoyed when anyone called her "Peppermint Patty"...totally hate that IRL.
@Patti It was dawn when she reached ridge. As the sun peaked over the mountains to the east, a sliver of light brushed across meadow and the dew glistened off of the wild flowers as they shifted randomly in the breeze. They seemed to move all together yet independently at the same time. Her lungs burned and her legs ached, she had been moving non-stop since nightfall. She didn't know how much longer she had to go, but she knew that she couldn't stop and she couldn't go back. Last night was the final straw. What was done could not be undone, but she had no regrets. Everything had changed in one instant…she had changed. As she paused for just a brief moment, the sun was warm on her face. She looked down at her shirt. In the morning light she could only make out the 'K' logo at the bottom. She looked toward the horizon and started moving again. The sun was slowly rising and even in the cool air sweat ran down her brow. She was not the same person that sat down at the table for dinner last night…she was someone different. She needed to reinvent herself. There was nothing for her back home and she needed to be an entirely new person where she was going. After just a moment of thought she smiled and increased her pace. From this point forward she would no longer be the push over she was before, she would be Patti.
I may or may not be in love with you.