@shahnm I have always like that one, but have been disappointed in the rarity of people who ‘get it’ when I have said it. (Or, maybe they just didn’t like it, now that I think about it…)
You know, your joke doesn’t work in written form because there are two different words: stationary and stationery.
-Stationary - not moving
-Stationery - writing paper and envelopes.
When saying the joke verbally, the word has a double meaning because spelling doesn’t count and is funny. Written, it has one meaning and is not funny.
Every time I put the car in reverse: “Ah, this takes me back.”
My kid hates it.
@ExtraMedium You need to find something else to say as a backup plan.
@ExtraMedium reminds me of an old Jeff Ross Poem that was on a comedy central commercial forever ago… and i can’t find the video anymore…
I miss her sometimes -
I ran into my ex-girlfriend the other day…
then I put it in reverse and ran into her again…
I miss her sometimes…
What did the old pirate say when he turned 80? “Aye, Matey!”
I remember a time when I was nostalgic
@Koolhandjoe Hi Nostalgic, I’m @Wifeduck.
@wifeduck haha
Lance is an uncommon name nowadays.
But in medieval times people were named Lance a lot.
2 wrongs don’t make a right … but 3 lefts do!
@chienfou 2 wrongs don’t make a right, but two Wrights did make a plane. (better said aloud then written)
@ExtraMedium
Does the second time make it funnier?
/giphy facepalm
@chienfou @ExtraMedium The first one was better
just sayin’…
@chienfou @ybmuG I’m batting 1000. I give up.
/giphy failure
@chienfou @ExtraMedium that’s what we’re here for. The Meh community - here for YOU
It’s a real support community
@ExtraMedium @ybmuG
some of us are here doing community service sentences… (don’t ask…)
@ExtraMedium
ICYDK there is a way to pick the giphy and make it ‘stick’ even if you edit the post…
@chienfou The error was typing gihpy so it was user error, not a bad gif.
@ExtraMedium
oh… duhhh… guess I should have read more closely!
@chienfou @ExtraMedium that’s OK…
/image here’s your sign
@ExtraMedium @ybmuG
hey. You know you got a flat tire?
Nope… the other 3 just swelled up on their own… here’s your sign…
@chienfou @ExtraMedium @ybmuG Here’s your sign.
@blaineg
… or not…
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
-fsssshhhhh
What is a pirate’s favorite letter?
-You’d think it’d be R but 'tis the C they love. (They’re also fond of P, cause without it they’d just be irate)
What did the fish say when it ran into the wall?
-Dam
How do you get down off a horse?
-You don’t. You get down off a duck.
@bigcurmudgeon
A pirate’s favorite vowel is “i”.
(The letter between “h” and “j” if the font sucks on your device.)
You’re going to have to start paying union dues on your nose.
-“why?”
Because you should be part of a union if you’re going to pick it in public
@ApplePI The great Wavy Gravy once said “What do you do when your nose goes on strike: pick it!”…more of a grand dad joke.
@ApplePI @EthelTheFrog
You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can’t pick your freind’s nose.
@mbersiam RIP, Gary.
Crabs can be found in the same place in real life and in the encyclopedia:
Under the sea ( C )
Be alert!
The world needs more lerts.
@shahnm I have always like that one, but have been disappointed in the rarity of people who ‘get it’ when I have said it. (Or, maybe they just didn’t like it, now that I think about it…)
@chienfou @shahnm I used to have a button that read " Be Alert.
This Country needs more lerts"
@ELJAY
I’d wear that!
@chienfou @ELJAY @shahnm
Do you also keep one of these handy?
@chienfou @ELJAY @Kyeh I’ve been meaning to get one of those for years, but I never quite… did.
@shahnm
yep… now’s the time to get a round tuit!
@chienfou @shahnm
Because honeydo is in season now rhat Spring has sprung.
@chienfou @ELJAY @Kyeh @shahnm
The story of my life:
@chienfou @ELJAY @Kyeh @macromeh Well, I guess the Tuit horse has been beaten to death just about as much as possible at this point…
@ELJAY @Kyeh @macromeh @shahnm
yeah, I think we’ve all seen tuit.
@chienfou @ELJAY @Kyeh @macromeh @shahnm
Yes, to wit, the puns are dunned.
@chienfou @ELJAY @Kyeh @macromeh @mike808 Yes. Everyone should be congratulated on their contributions tuit.
@shahnm
When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.
The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.
The batteries were given out free of charge.
A dentist and a manicurist married.
They fought tooth and nail.
A will is a dead giveaway.
If you don’t pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.
With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress
You know, your joke doesn’t work in written form because there are two different words: stationary and stationery.
-Stationary - not moving
-Stationery - writing paper and envelopes.
When saying the joke verbally, the word has a double meaning because spelling doesn’t count and is funny. Written, it has one meaning and is not funny.
@cengland0
/giphy thanks captain obvious
Before performing a controlled burn, firefighters Google it and get a bunch of matches.
@medz
Some good ol’ boys were sittin’ around outside a country store, when a sod truck went by.
One of 'em said, “When I a win the lottery, that’s whut I’m a gonna git.”
'Nother one of 'em said, “You a gonna buy a truck full a sod?”
“Naw,” said the first one, “I’m a gonna send my grass out ta git cut.”