IRK Battle Royale - Fight with IRK items.
5Scenario:
The bombs have dropped. We are living in a nuclear winter. Food is scarce. The good news is, Meh has plenty of boxes of cereal and they’re willing to give one lucky winner of a mass brawl a lifetime supply. It’s fight time… You must fight for your cereal…
The catch. You are allowed one weapon, but that weapon has to be selected from your most recent Instant Regret Kit. Which item do you take, and how do you rate your odds of winning with that item?
- 18 comments, 33 replies
- Comment
TIME TO CONVERT MY iROOMBA INTO A BATTLEBOT
@pakopako but can you also train your Roomba to only attack your opposition, and not come back at you?
@OnionSoup I’ll just throw some dirt in another direction to distract it
This seems like a Thunderdome scenario… I’ll await my IRK’s arrival tomorrow. If nothing is in there I guess I’d take the fancy purse my wife ‘got’ and fill it crushed dreams and swing it like Thor’s hammer.
There are two items in my IRK that, by an entirely non-credible stretch-past-yield of the imagination, could be weaponized. Bee Venom Night Cream, or Adrienne Vittadini Duffel Bag (assuming the latter is augmented with a small anvil or a cinder block).
I think I’m going to be geography if I show up wielding either of those.
As long as I have electricity, I have a fair chance of maming someone w my hair dryer/styler. Hot air straight into the eyeball. That will do them in!!!
Attach the curling rod, now it can attack orifices!!!
If nothing else, I can choke or hang someone w the cord.
Wow! Kinda violent, I may need to go take a break…
/giphy thunderdome
@tinamarie1974 could probably also swing the hair dryer around by the cord using the dryer portion as a hammer.
@tinamarie1974 I got a Conair Fabric Steamer, could this scald its way to victory?
It could ease any wrinkles on the way.
/showme handheld streamer used as a weapon
@lonocat @tinamarie1974 That looks like it shoots in both directions. I’d definitely recommend some blue blocker eye protection
@capnjb @lonocat @tinamarie1974 That picture is such a hilarious one I am no longer confident that the “streamer” typo wasn’t intentional.
/showme handheld steamer used as a weapon
@mediocrebot first one I blame on auto correct
My most recent IRK came with one of those ceramic nail files. The end is so pointy that I wouldn’t even have to sharpen it.
@ShotgunX don’t try taking it on an airplane. But as ceramic it would probably get through. Actually that makes me more uncomfortable….
If you had two you could sharpen both ad nauseum!
On a related note, I just found out that I need to wear my readers to repair my readers. WHY ARE THINGS SO SMALL?
@capnjb If they put them together with 1/4-20 hardware, your nose would be really sore in short order.
@capnjb reminds me of the Escher drawing hands print…
@capnjb @tinamarie1974
If you have some gripe about comic superheroine proportions, check out the Tumblr blog Escher Girls
https://www.wired.com/story/randy-queen-streisands-escher-girls/
@capnjb They’re not getting smaller; they’re getting farther away.
/ showme Expanding universe
Nothing in my IRK was even remotely weaponizable…
I may have to use the cereal as my weapon of choice. I suspect if I throw pieces in people’s mouths as they’re busy fighting trying to gasp for breath they may choke on them. That’s my only hope.
I suspect my chances of winning this battle are very slim.
/showme a weaponized IRK tote bag conquering the world after a nuclear war
@mediocrebot That looks like a Mark 48 Bolo IRK
@mediocrebot Quite troubling that the AI knows our future better than we do.
So the big suitcase is big. 30 inches. It could maybe do some damage.
But the little one is black. That makes it tactical, right? Would that be better?
Decisions, decisions.
Chuck Norris could use anything in an Irk to win a Battle Royale, he could win it with the empty box!
Bazooka. (If apocalypse cereal is on the line, I’m stacking the deck…)
@jouest You got a bazooka in your IRK? You should totally post it in the reveal thread.
I shall wield my mighty stick vacuum and tidy my foes into extinction!
/showme eating cereal from the skulls of my enemies
Something went terribly wrong. Please try again.
@mediocrebot aw. What did I do wrong?
/showme a pony eating cereal from the skulls of her enemies
Something went terribly wrong. Please try again.
@mediocrebot I give up.
@mediocrebot @Pony I think mediocrebot is G-rated.
/showme a pony eating cereal from a skull
@Kyeh @mediocrebot @Pony Not that G-rated.
@mediocrebot @pakopako @Pony Huh! It made it pretty cute, though.
Guess I’m gonna be a cereal killer! The watch I got won’t do much and the off brand sneakers I doubt can jump high enough to stomp so shoot expired vegan cereal at them and so I bore them to death by spouting how great I am because I’m vegan!
/giphy frying pan
Fill the water bottle with gasoline, run a trail of it and light a match.
/giphy big flaming gasoline fire
@Kidsandliz There are an amazing number of personal problems that can be very effectively solved with five gallons of gas and a road flare.
@Kidsandliz @werehatrack Yeah, but how do I make it look like an accident so that the insurance will pay to rebuild?
Suddenly my flaming toaster has a bit for viability.
Sadly the acrylic paint isn’t flammable is it.
/showme defective stick vacuum spraying flammable paint onto garden gnomes
@mediocrebot Yeah I think a match would do the trick. I never did get an IRK gnome(were there any?)
Now I may feel bad about the great gnome massacre of 2024…
EDIT and yet there is no way to not laugh about their fate. It feel like such a bad person.