Important Facts and Recommendations That Are Definitely Real

/showme an ATM that issues out cat shirts

@blaineg And they require neither a license nor a subscription, just ask any of them a question and you get lies in return.

@blaineg @werehatrack Don’t forget lawyers; of course that set overlaps politicians.

@blaineg @werehatrack Supportive comment on my opinion of lawyers and airline executives:
https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/american-airlines-claimed-a-child-was-at-fault-for-being-secretly-recorded-in-a-restroom-it-s-now-changing-its-response/ar-BB1mT0tl?ocid=BingNewsSerp

@blaineg
/image iPhone wave

@narfcake Yep. Did anyone get a count of the fools that fell for it?

@blaineg Probably way more than folks wanted to admit to.
https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/spurious-charge-2/

/showme A dirty laptop in the dishwasher

@blaineg A friend of mine used to bicycle a lot in the Houston area. He rode without any headlight at night. He claimed he was harder to hit if they couldn’t see him.

@phendrick In much of this city, he was just cashing a reality check.

@blaineg @phendrick
That I actually understand. Drunk people can’t follow you lol. But I’ve seen some crazy bicycle people too who think they own the road and dart out in front of cars out of no where and then get mad when they almost get hit. Savannah’s a crazy town to drive in bc of the people on bicycles.

@blaineg @phendrick @Star2236 Between the pickups with the extended mirrors driven by malicious assholes, and the idiots in all vehicles driving while distracted by their cell phones, the “dedicated bike lane” along the right of a street is NOT safer than sharing the main lane.

@blaineg @Star2236 Many of those particular “bicycle people” you mention would likely act the very same way if they were driving cars.

@blaineg @Star2236 @werehatrack Thirty years ago when I was single it was not uncommon for me to do a LOT of bicycling, both for fitness and economy. I travelled mostly 15-25 mph. Frequently I would bicycle to social occasions, hang with friends, then we’d leave about the same time. Often I would talk to them by phone shortly after, and they’d be surprised I was home so soon. What took them 15 minutes usually took me 20 or less.
(What they didn’t consider was the effect of “average speed”, rather than top.)
On nice weekends, I liked to circumnavigate the community, about 35 or so miles around, by riding either access roads or shoulders of the state highways. I never worried then about my safety relatively to cars.
Now I wouldn’t dream of hazarding my wellbeing by doing such things. Damned idiots constantly on cell phones. I don’t ride much now (due mainly to decrepitude), but I’m not even that comfortable in dedicated bicycle lanes.

@blaineg @phendrick @werehatrack
I’d never ride in the bicycle lane. Shit when I first got to Savannah I drove in it for like a half hour lol, I didn’t know what it fucking was. At the time we didn’t have them in the metro Detroit area (and really still don’t). For my dumb ass, it WAS like 11pm and I had been driving all day. I did wonder why the lane was so small and the few people on the road were looking at me weird.

/showme Dropping coins into a pot of rapidly boiling water

@dave No need to paint.
/image gender reveal tires

https://www.highwaymax.com/collections/gender-reveal-blue-pink-colured-smoke

Is humanity doomed?
/8ball
Cannot predict now

@dave @narfcake O.M.G!

@dave @Kyeh @narfcake I think these need to be mandated as daily drivers.
This is one reason I come here - I learn something new almost every day.

/showme A car being pushed along railroad tracks by a train engine

@werehatrack
/image Direct exhaust injection

/showme batshit crazy stuff

@dave Whoa - /showme works in replies now!
And that’s a pretty great image!

I’m fond of “guanopsychotic” for my own perverse reasons.

@Kyeh /showme dogs in the NBA

@Kyeh @lonocat
New line maybe?

@chienfou @Kyeh @lonocat Air Bud?

@chienfou @Kyeh @lonocat Has to be a top level comment, not a reply.

@blaineg @chienfou @lonocat They’ve changed that, actually, but it seems like it’s still finicky.
https://meh.com/forum/topics/important-facts-and-recommendations-that-are-definitely-real#6650ee329971ca82e8664e7a

@blaineg
/showme showme changes

See it works…

@mediocrebot Descended from Timberwolves?

@mediocrebot @phendrick Devolved.

@phendrick

• Airline executives have passenger safety as their top priority. [Just ask them.]
• A train will slow down if it sees you approaching a crossing.
• Only special people will buy our exclusive products, available for only a limited time.
• Our law firm was established with the sole goal of getting our clients what they are entitled to.
• All hourly employees work equally hard, so they should all be paid the same hourly wage.
• Don’t hang up. Your call is important to us.
• Discard all those medicines, they are keeping you sick. Just use our special OTC product developed by a genius high school student and endorsed by 4 out of 5 specialists.

@phendrick Also, the train will swerve to miss you.

Cats love regular baths.

@rockblossom

Argh. I left off the final bullet point : “In any list that includes a cat reference, bullet points can be replaced with balls of yarn.”

@shahnm That’s “microwave your batteries immediately before use, to ensure they have a full charge and are at the proper operating temperature”.

Flushing used clumping kitty litter down the toilet is the best way to get rid of it.

Clumping kitty litter is good to use to unclog drains.

Knitting a cat hair or dog hair hat for someone allergic to either is the best way for them to become desensitized to the allergen.

Eating your boogers will vaccinate you against germs.

You need to eat chocolate M&M’s daily to get enough vitamin M. Vitamin M is necessary to your health, well being, and future happiness.

Drinking a milkshake with each meal when you are doing a liquid diet to lose weight will help you lose weight faster.

@Kidsandliz Wait! This is absolutely true. M&Ms are not only good for my health but they keep those around me healthy too.

You need to eat chocolate M&M’s daily to get enough vitamin M. Vitamin M is necessary to your health, well being, and future happiness.

HOAs have been demonstrated to be a pleasant and fun way to unite neighborhoods.

@djslack Oh man, I struggle with this one a lot. I agree with it both literally and ironically, which is really weird (and a bit dangerous).

Under normal circumstances, I prefer to get into the lane that I’ll need later, unless I know of a reason to do otherwise (such as merging in or exiting before the point where I’ll need it). The hard part is correctly assessing what different lanes will be doing at any given time… and construction zones throw things off more than usual.

Ultimately, drivers behave differently in different areas. Around here I never see the lane being empty for any meaningful distance before it’s completely closed off, so at least that lane isn’t being wasted. But people still don’t make it easy to change lanes without feeling like you have to force your way in like a jerk.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯

@xobzoo I actually just took a road trip and believe it or not encountered several construction zones in Florida where the zipper merge was practiced and worked well. There was still a build up of traffic but no real issues, much less stress, and hardly any stopping. Drivers in Louisiana seem to follow my original tip instead, so the first time it happened I had to explain to my wife why I just said aloud “ohhh, that’s how it’s supposed to work!”

@djslack @xobzoo And drivers in MS follow your original tip but then will drive on the shoulder and/or try to force their way into your lane, after speeding up beside you in the lane that will be closed, by cutting in without turn signals and abruptly so you are forced to jam on your brakes in order for them not to hit you. Then they give you the finger.

@djslack I hate the drivers who get into an exit lane and then use it to “zipper merge” right before they actually have to exit, though.