How to shop for a “nice” camera?

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I know this group has a lot of collective experience (and opinion) in a lot of things, including cameras and photography. A recent forum post affirms that.

Pointless backstory

I grew up with film cameras, including my parents’ SLR. (I don’t remember the brand/model, but pictures of the Pentax K1000 look exactly right.) I got a little automatic camera for Christmas as a [pre-]teen, and it stayed with me for a lot of years. Eventually everyone transitioned into digital cameras, and I had a run-of-the-mill something-or-other for a while.

Cell phones happened, and gradually their cameras became less crappy. Now it’s pretty normal for everyone to use their phone cameras for everything, including professional movies.

During that transition time I was somewhat aware of what was happening with cameras, but now I feel out of place. My wife would like a “nice camera” and I’d like to find one for her. But I’m not made of money (it would be gross if I was), so my plan is to find something used. I hope.

My wife’s “nice camera” experience that I know about:

  • she used to be a part-time photographer at JCPenney’s or something — she understands the artistic parts, but didn’t have to do any of the studio setup, so will probably only ever use the auto settings
  • about 15 years ago we borrowed a DSLR for the weekend — it had all the automatic settings and stuff, and had a zoom lens (I think), but I don’t remember the model
  • my wife’s brother (& wife) brought his nice camera to the extended family Christmas party, where they also took some family portraits. After this my wife mentioned that she’d like a nice camera like that. (I don’t think she has anything specific in mind, just one that is highly capable and easy to use.)

Oh, and she’s often annoyed at how slow our phone cameras are to react. It’s hard to get just the right picture when there’s so much delay in the phone. So that’s at least part of her motivation for wanting a dedicated camera.

What I’m looking for

I think I know basically what I should be looking for (at least what my wife would consider successful), but it’s still mostly “I’ll know it when I see it.”

I thought I should search for DSLR, because SLRs used to be that good spot between cheap Instamatics and expensive professional equipment. But my early research indicates maybe I’ll be finding mirrorless cameras now. I have no idea if everybody (particularly eBay sellers) will be using correct terms, or if everyone still just calls them “DSLR” out of habit.

I know there used to be brand loyalty in photographers, with each having his or her own favorite brand, either because they had better bodies, or better lenses, or whatever they cared most about. But my knowledge is from back in the dark ages, when each manufacturer had their own lens mount system. Somebody please tell me that’s been standardized by now…
(actually, what’s probably happened is that professional cameras are still brand-segregated, and amateur cameras don’t have swappable lenses)

Speaking of lenses, are they removable anymore? It used to be that zoom lenses were extra expense, so most people didn’t have more than a normal and a telephoto lens. But I think most nice cameras I’ve seen in the last 20 years have zoom lenses. And they must be pretty good optical quality, because I haven’t heard anybody complaining (though I might be hanging with the wrong crowds).
I haven’t watched anybody remove their lens, and I haven’t seen lens filters being applied. I know I’d like to use a polarizer, and other things can be fun, but maybe I’m expecting too much from affordable equipment.

Summary (questions)

So this is my exhausting-but-not-exhaustive list of questions. Some of them are stupid, but I’m asking anyway so I can know for sure.

  • is eBay a safe place to buy used camera equipment, or is somewhere else better?
  • should I maybe avoid buying used entirely?
  • do I look for DSLR, DSLM, MILC, or something else altogether?
  • is there a brand/model to look for?
  • is there a brand/model to avoid?
  • is a zoom lens standard, or do I need to search for that specifically?
  • are lens filters (e.g. polarizer) common/standard, or is that a specialty item? (I don’t need filters right away, but I’d like to use them eventually.)
  • at some point I’m sure it’ll be used as a video camera — I have assumed that’s a standard ability for modern digital cameras; is it?
  • I’d like to stay in the low 3-digit prices. Is that at all reasonable? (probably not) How much should I expect to pay for something like this?
  • oh, do I have to worry about what memory cards they use, or what kind of battery? What else am I completely forgetting to consider?

I guess… I think I want a professional-style camera, but hopefully without the professional camera price.

TL;DR

I want to buy a “nice camera” for my wife’s birthday soon, but I no longer have enough domain knowledge to trust my self to it on my own.
I’m not 100% certain I know what she wants, but neither is she.