Got any good camping stories?

In May I went on a canoe/camping trip down in Austin for a buddies bachelor party (insert Broke Back Mountain jokes here). The plan was to throw all of our gear into the canoes, 7 in total, and head down the river for about 7 miles until, and I quote the canoe rental guy here, "you get to the little island after the 9th orange flag next to a red buoy when the river bends right then back left." Yea. Then once we found this supposed island we'd camp out Friday and Saturday nights in the middle of the river then canoe out another 7 miles Sunday and head home.

Now, if you've ever been canoeing you understand that canoes tend to be a bit on the not so great at staying balanced side of things. Additionally, if you've ever consumed a few too many adult beverages you understand that intoxicated folks tend to also be on the not so great at staying balanced side of things. One little push on either side of the canoe or a sudden displacement of weight to one side or the other and...well...you get wet...and so do any contents which you may have within said canoe.

Well we started the day off with a few of those adult beverages before we ever actually made it on the river. So once we were ready to get started we were already feeling pretty good. We made it no more than 250 yards down the river before the first canoe tipped while trying to navigate through the smallest 'rapid' of all time. Inside of this canoe, along with all of the clothes, sleeping bags, and camping gear for the two occupants, was 2 days worth of water for the entire group of 14 people. The cooler inside of which said water was in came open. Bye bye drinking water.

We then had the great pleasure of spending the next 2.5 days with zero water. In the middle of a river. With zero shade. In Texas.

Thank goodness we packed a lot of beer.

TL:DR Went canoeing, canoe tipped, lost water, Texas is hot, beer.

The last bad tent camping trip I had was in Caprock Canyon 2010. My daughter, her best friend, my husband, both my great danes, and me in tents for a week. My husbands $800 bike fell off the bike rack on the way up. It was trashed. It was July and hot as hell at Caprock. My daughter and friend could not handle 113° weather. They ended up staying under the Ez-Up. Second night there we had a freak wind storm. 60-80 mph winds. Stayed in the bathrooms for most of the night, as they are storm shelters. Their tents, EZ-Up, and anything left out was scattered everywhere. Our tent had 2 broken poles. Cleaned up the next day and drove the 12 hours home.

Ordered new poles when we returned home, because we had another trip planned to Caprock two weeks later. We were about 4 hours from Caprock when my husband asks, "Did you pack the new poles?" I said no. As he is the one that packed the tent he should have grabbed the poles. We ended up having pipe cut at a local hardware store, and they worked wonderful. Had a great time the second time. We did learn to leave the adult kids and dogs at home if we wanted to have fun. We also bought an RV last year and still manage to camp about 60 nights a year.

Camping? That's when the hotel has only domestic beer at the bar, right?

I like camping. I've had an RV, and a pull behind camper, and currently have a slew of tents. Tents are better for camping at places with facilities, but RV/Camper made, for some great trips in Wyoming where 'facilities' are usually the nearest bit of shrubbery.

Worst camper experience: the group I camped with went up for Memorial Day. Drove in, setup on Friday. Friday was blue skies and nice. Saturday was overcast and cooler. Sunday, woke up to 2 inches of snow. Took the dogs for their morning walk and discovered that I sank 2 inches into the dirt road. Eyed the 2 campers, 3 trucks, borrowed trailer and 5 quads with sudden worry. Woke everyone up, the men walked the road, came back and agreed that getting out was a good plan. Hitched up, didn't make it back to the main road before one camper was sliding off. Wups. Put them back on stable ground, and spent the next 5 HOURS using 4 adult drivers to relay the trucks and trailer and quads the 4 miles back to paved roads. By the end, everything was covered in mud, one truck had a new scrape, and we owed a rancher for 100 feet of fencing. Nightmare. Following weekend, it had dried out and took all of about 30 minutes to drive in, hook up the camper, and drive back out.

Worse tent experience...don't know, haven't really had anything tragic happen. Most disappointing was a trip to Assateague State Park. It was a 'bucket list' destination for me. Gorgeous location, fabulous views, nice sites. Got in on Friday, setup camp, had a hurried dinner, watched a movie on the beach. Saturday, woke up, ate breakfast, hit the beach. Youngest played in the sand, eldest played in the ocean. SO and I swapped between them. Good times. Until the eldest lost his glasses, without which he's mostly blind. Sigh. End of camping trip, miserable hot time tearing down the tent, we all got bug bit and sunburned and grumpy, and then had to drive home through a HELACIOUS thunderstorm.

Does renting a tent for Bonnaroo count? It was rough the morning I woke up and found a big-ass spider at the front tent flap and a bigger-ass spider at the back tent flap. They were colluding.
Spiders aside, the weather was sticky 24/7 -- cold and damp at night and hot and humid all day every day. The showers were cold, so I skipped them (baby wipe whore's baths daily). The VIP bathrooms were decent inside, suspiciously marshy walking up to them though.

I haven't camped for the sake of camping since I was a kid. My parents and I and usually another family with kids would go with tents and often float down the rivers during the day. I enjoyed it and might do it again.

My family decided at the last minute to go check out a winter festival in some small mountain dessert town, on a whim. Oh the way there, the truck with the camper broke down (yeah, that happened a lot.) So, we got the camper home, and instead of sensibly just not going, everyone crammed into 2 small pickups and my blazer.
Time to sleep! Well... There were a lot of us. My kid sister chose to grab my cold weather bag and sleep in back of dad's truck. She woke up covered in 3 inches of snow. Well, that's not true. We found her happily sleeping in 3 inches of snow, and hurtled snow balls at her until she got up. (Wow, I just realized how many times she got hosed during camping trips!)

Then we all went and got hot cocoa and drove home.

(I had a whole other story written here, but it was too long.)

I am not going to fall for your psychological games. You are intentionally attempting to get us all nostalgic about camping. Tomorrow, after our sub-conscience brains have been dreaming all night about wonderful memories of childhood camping trips, you are going to try to sell us a crappy tent or some sleeping bags that are only rated 70 degrees or above.

Screw you Meh. Not this guy. Not this time.

No good stories. But one time, while camping with my wife and some good friends, we all got slammered. The end.

I used to work for Outward Bound, in 4 different countries… nuf said. And at one it rained at least once in a 24 hour period for 94 days straight. At another it was outhouses at 40 below. At another a gaiter bit off the end of my canoe paddle. While I was using it. And then sunk below the canoe, swam under it and the ridges along its back vibrated the canoe as each one hit the bottom of the canoe. That gaiter was about as long as the canoe.

On a personal trip bear got the food (was hanging in the middle of the park provided line - we had a two day march on empty stomachs- no I do not know how to cook twigs and rocks to make stew) and tried to break into the pot set but was unsuccessful (we had apparently left a packet of koolaid in there) and left behind deep tooth mark dents (food burns around tooth mark dents). Sold the pot set to some dutch people, who thought squirrels were wild animals and not 1/2 way between tame and a nuisance, and were worth photographing, who loved the story and photos. They bought the pot set from me for twice what it was going to cost me to replace it. I mailed them the photo of the bear trying to break in. Who knows what story they told back in the Netherlands but I bet it did not involve me or anything remotely resembling what led up to the photo they now had (Banff park).

Another night I got bear snot on my face. I was sleeping in the tent with my head by the door and was sniffed and drooled on (Yosemite Valley).

And then there was the porcupine down the hole of the outhouse eating the outhouse (NW Ontario). Had to look, kick, run and then go back to use it.

Was in a tent top trailer on the outer banks (Salter Path family campground now sold to developers - too bad) when the tail end of a hurricane came through. At 4am. We were camping in 74 mph winds. Rain felt like knives. Got the camper down and then, along with half the camp ground, froze our soaking wet butts off in an air conditioned all night pancake house.

Hmm and then there was the air mattress race (called air beds in Scotland) down the Ben Nevis River (there were sections with apt names like the leg breaker, washing machine...). Prizes were bottles of whiskey. The Outward Bound Warden (director) was out of town. We, umm, entered most of the staff on the teams. Had 27 bottles of whiskey from winnings lined up along two walls of the staff room. Warden came home early. Opps. No booze allowed at the school. I am sure he enjoyed our winnings.

In the USA cows usually run away from you when you walk by them. In the Netherlands they run towards you and stretch their heads over the fence to try to get you or your gear as you hike by. In Austria and Germany they just stand there on the path and no amount of smacking them can get them to move unless you do it just right like the little old ladies who drive their pink eyed cows with horns along the hiking trails. There, about 2/3 the way up one of the highest mountains in Germany there is an outhouse. Look through the hole and you will see that it is hanging out over a 1000 foot drop. Fortunately no path below the hole. Not too reassuring to use an outhouse suspended over a cliff.

And then there was the thunder and lightening storm with hail above treeline in Germany. Hail hurts. A lot. We put our climbing helmets on and sat on our packs. Scared. Later heard when that storm hit Munich 2M in damages.

Obviously I have too much time on my hands. But I stayed up not wanting to miss out on the new meh. Learned my lesson with my purchase that blew up like cinderella's probably purple carriage the other day. They need to blow up your purchase page when the clock strikes 12 and then have the page say wah wah wah… you snooze you lose you loser.

Meh to you all and good night.

Sucky Story is long, but @JonT asked for it.

Sometime in the very early 2000's, I was dating a guy who loved to ride his quads. He invited my and my bestie to go for a weekend riding trip and camp on his buddy's property, with him and a group of his friends. We were all about a weekend of quads and shenanigans! Until we got there. What my then b/f had failed to mention was that we were the only females at this sausage festival of testosterone, tequila, and bitter divorcees.
Boyfriend also had some weird idea of hooking up my friend with one of his buddies. His buddy had the same first name as my friend, which she used as a somewhat polite excuse to bow out of the unwanted arrangement, stating that she couldn't imagine yelling out her own name in bed.
That happened in the first hour that we were there.

Bestie and I drove in together in my truck, with my camping gear. I set her up in my easy up tent, with a cot. I then set up my tent, with the air mattress, because, why not? The whole time we were setting up, every dude there, including b/f, was giving us hell for bringing the tents and sleeping gear. Non stop. "Just sleep in the back of the truck, that's what we're all doing." Of course, "Nah man, chick's gotta bring fucking pillows everywhere." (Which is true.)

Some general stuff happened; I got lost, someone else got lost, someone else got a flat, etc. Nothing major, nothing horrible.

That night though, man. Wow. We got back, everyone's dirty, sore, and tired, but it's cool. Then the booze comes out and we were in the middle of a conversation that we had no business being in the middle of. The boyfriend really did invite us on a dude's trip. The general sentiment was that since we were there, we may as well cook, clean up, and uh, entertain? Not even kidding. A group of grown men got really creepy really fast. Unfortunately, by the time that happened, we'd been drinking too much to just drive home. So, we each bundled into our tents. Bestie on her cot with my mag light. Myself on my air mattress, and we settled in to sleep it off, so we could pack and bounce at first light.

The boyfriend who gave me so much crap for setting up the tent? Yeah, he was all over that air mattress. He was especially grateful for it, and the tent, when it started raining. Hard. For most of the night. All the guys in the beds of their trucks? Woke up soaked and spent the rest of the night in the cabs, pissed off. It rained so hard, so fast, that it flooded both tents.

The next morning was full of grumpy people, ruined gear, lost food, and general shittiness. We packed as fast as we could and gtfo of there.

Lesson learned: Do not go on a trip with your s/o's friends, until you have met some of them.

Other lesson: Dump shitty b/f who would put you in that situation and get pissed off that you didn't want to go do it again.

When I was a kid we used to go car camping with a bunch of other families. One of the other families had iced tea in a cool Coleman dispenser:

I was silently coveting their iced tea big time. (No idea why. I guess I was iced tea-deprived as a child.) Finally, I worked up the nerve to ask the dad if I could have some iced tea and he said yes. I filled my cup and took a big swig. Unfortunately, he didn't know that the iced tea had run out and the mom had filled it with soapy water.

tl;dr I drank soapy water

I like to go on sea kayaking expeditions. The best place to do this is the outer banks in NC. We load up about a weeks worth of supplies and start around Kitty Hawk and work our way south towards Harker's Island. We've been in some serious and hilarious situations. Including being attacked by geese and snakes, Kayaking during a hurricane, we've had guys fall overboard into swampy muck, and paddled over white sand dollar fields hundreds of yards long. I've got conch shells over 8" in diameter. We usually end up pitching our tents in some very weird places like unfinished housing developments or a sandy spot rising out of the water that probably won't be there in a couple days.

If you're looking for product ideas I'll buy anything light made for long trips, also water proof is always a plus.

This one time, at band camp....

@JonT Yes I have good camping stories.