Last summer I went kinda nuts with the smoothie-making. Bought a loooot of fresh fruit, frozen fruit and yogurt, chopped it up in my blender with ice cubes. It was delightful. Depending on how hot it gets this summer, I’ll likely do the same again.
But I won’t be spending hundreds of dollars on a juice-presser, especially not an internet-required juice-presser. I’d kind of heard about this machine, but it’s even dumber than I imagined. Tskaw! Tskaw!
My favorite part is the whole, “Juicero charges businesses a premium.” So, gouge your business customers who are likely to order the highest quantity of money making juice bags from you. Geez, at least the printer industry understands how to fuck people over properly.
That would involve getting “Silicon Valley Hype/Dazzle-Block Quantum Sunglasses and BrainShields”.
I think the retail is expected to be under 10M for the glasses. The brainshields will be a bit more expensive.
They’re still in conceptual and alpha mockup at the moment, but soon they’ll be seen on the street. If you wish to invest in this surefire cutting-edge future-tech, you can’t right now. Venture and angel investor slots are fully filled with a waitlist; but proles like you and I can pick up some sure to go stratospheric shares for a very reasonable price after the IPO.
And the flexible range of protective insight quality that’s guaranteed by our patented algorithms! These devices will practically invent the future! Everyone will suddenly have excellent judgment!
I prefer the low-tech method of just eating the fruit whole.
@rockblossom
Yes. Pulp good, esp in whole, unprocessed form.
So THIS is the piece of information people need to decide that the Juicebro is waste of space and time?
@awk
Just loved the headline and tease.
Last summer I went kinda nuts with the smoothie-making. Bought a loooot of fresh fruit, frozen fruit and yogurt, chopped it up in my blender with ice cubes. It was delightful. Depending on how hot it gets this summer, I’ll likely do the same again.
But I won’t be spending hundreds of dollars on a juice-presser, especially not an internet-required juice-presser. I’d kind of heard about this machine, but it’s even dumber than I imagined. Tskaw! Tskaw!
The internet is out, guess we’re going to jamba juice.
Yeah, the bubble is almost to the petdishes.com stage.
My favorite part is the whole, “Juicero charges businesses a premium.” So, gouge your business customers who are likely to order the highest quantity of money making juice bags from you. Geez, at least the printer industry understands how to fuck people over properly.
Why not just buy a regular juicer or a blender?
@RiotDemon
/youtube The Juice Weasel
@RiotDemon
That would involve getting “Silicon Valley Hype/Dazzle-Block Quantum Sunglasses and BrainShields”.
I think the retail is expected to be under 10M for the glasses. The brainshields will be a bit more expensive.
They’re still in conceptual and alpha mockup at the moment, but soon they’ll be seen on the street. If you wish to invest in this surefire cutting-edge future-tech, you can’t right now. Venture and angel investor slots are fully filled with a waitlist; but proles like you and I can pick up some sure to go stratospheric shares for a very reasonable price after the IPO.
And the flexible range of protective insight quality that’s guaranteed by our patented algorithms! These devices will practically invent the future! Everyone will suddenly have excellent judgment!
Elon Musk got nuthin compared to these products.
This whole article is amazing- so many quotable things in such a short space.