G.O.A.T feces
14Second entry for Greatest of All Time, (in honor of meh selling a “steamer” today) is the greatest animal feces of all time.
There’s lots of great animal dung out there. Most of it makes great fertilizer. Some dung like cow and camel dung is burnt as fuel. 2 tonnes of camel dung can replace 1 ton of coal for electricity generation.
All over the world houses are made in part from cow feces. Not only does this make a surprisingly resilient structure it also is a natural mosquito repellent.
My suggestion for greatest animal feces of all time (but let me know if there is animal feces you like better) is Camel Dung.
Why camel dung? Well, like cow dung it can be used as fuel, a building supply, and fertilizer but what makes camel dung the greatest is that it can save lives.
During WWII the Nazis were doing their evil thing around Africa when a lot of them started getting sick with dysentery and many of them died. They noticed the Bedouin people that lived there didn’t get sick. Turns out the Bedouin people would follow camels around and when they pooped they would harvest the poop and eat it.
Fresh steaming camel poo is apparently a cure for dysentery, but you have to get it fresh for it to work. Turns out there is a bacteria in the camel’s digestive tract that kills other bacteria.
The Germans quickly learned to make a broth (a poop soup) to feed that good bacteria. It was a little more palatable than eating the poo fresh. (Yes, so Nazis literally ate shit… Or at least some of them did).
Later they learned to create a pill containing the bacteria so that they didn’t have to eat camel poop anymore.
So the reason camel turds are the greatest turds of all time is that they saved countless thousands of Bedouin lives over the centuries that those people were eating it.
Imagine if they had camel poop on the Oregon Trail! Many a 80’s childhood would have been easier.
/ Random related fun fact. Germans used to like running over camel poo with their tanks as they believed squishing camel poo with a tank brought good luck. The allies found out about this and started hiding land mines in camel poops.
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I vote for wombats. They’re adorable and their poop is cube shaped. I don’t care that it doesn’t save lives.
@cinoclav I was going to nominate them too!
@cinoclav Why is the poop on a computer card?
@cinoclav @ybmuG Hmm. Looks like a dump. There is a Wombat programming language, after all.
Or maybe it’s just COBOL.
@cinoclav That’s pure bullshit.
@HempHog420 No, it’s pure wombat shit.
@cinoclav @mehcuda67 @ybmuG I bet it’s the new object-oriented version, ADD 1 TO COBOL
@cinoclav @macromeh @mehcuda67 wouldn’t it be ADD 2 TO COBOL?
@cinoclav @mehcuda67 @ybmuG
)
C++ translates to “increment variable C”
ADD 1 TO COBOL translates to “increment variable COBOL”
Late 80’s-era SW joke. (I first read it on Usenet
@cinoclav @macromeh @mehcuda67 I figured it was a joke I didn’t know, so I just went with the more universal reference to #2…
/image you died of dysentery Oregon trail
Asian Palm Civet
Paradoxurus hermaphroditus
The Asian palm civet diet consists of ripe coffee tree fruit. The coffee fruit cherries are fermented as they pass through a civet’s intestines, and after being defecated with other fecal matter, they are collected.
It is these partially digested coffee cherries, which have been eaten and defecated by the Asian palm civet that makes this animal’s poop the G.O.A.T. Poop, Kopi Lewak.
Do not be fooled by “Black Ivory” coffee, which is made in prodigious quantities using a similar process, substituting domesticated elephants in the place of the Asian palm civet.
@mike808 there are other brands that now keep civets in captivity because of this fucking stupid coffee.
@mike808 @RiotDemon
hey waiter… this coffee tastes like shit …
@RiotDemon Unfortunately, industrialized “farming” of animals isn’t any different for this than beef, pork, poultry, eggs, sheep/veal, mink fur, exotic birds, fish, caviar, and … goat.
@OnionSoup drew on you with sunscreen while you were asleep.
@chienfou @mike808 @RiotDemon Pretty high on my list of thanks / no thanks products.
@chienfou @mehcuda67 @mike808 @RiotDemon is it really any worse than insect vomit… I mean honey? We eat bee vomit because it seems normal to us.
I’m sure the coffee beans are cleaned before roasted and safe.
I personally have no desire to try it, not because it has been pooped, but because what I’ve read is that the superior coffee thing is a bit of a myth. In blind taste tests people can’t tell the difference between it and coffee which hadn’t passed through civet cats first. It’s just an excuse to charge more by making it seem like a more scarce product. Not willing to spend more on something that isn’t better. If someone offered a free cup I’d try it just to say I had.
It’s like the overwhelmingly vast majority of wine drinkers can’t tell the difference between a $15 wine and a $150 wine in blind taste tests… And most people say they enjoy a wine more when being told it was expensive (even if it wasn’t).
@chienfou @mehcuda67 @OnionSoup @RiotDemon
Just saying the market is what it is, not justifying it nor a part of it. That makes civet cat poop among the most valuable poop on the planet. Other contenders are bird poop (guano) and dinosaur poop (copralite), I think.
I too, am in in the “I’ll drink it if it is free out of curiosity” camp too. Now I’m off to find a bottle of Pappy Van Winkle Bourbon to pour one out for all the covidiots that are going to
diekill their loved ones, neighbors, and random fellow Americans when wave 2 hits.@chienfou @mehcuda67 @mike808 @RiotDemon you can also get non-dinosaur copralite. They can come from any animal- even humans.
I even saw steps once how to preserve your own feces so that it will become a copralite instead of decomposing and losing all trace of it’s existance. I did a 5 second google to see if I could find it, but all I found was how to create fake copralites… would need to spend more time looking.
Bullshit. It is a critical component in politics, diplomacy, the legal profession, sales, marketing, news, psychology, romance, parenting and pretty much every other endeavor involving relationships between human beings. Some has even been found in allegedly bullshit-free areas of medicine, engineering and science.
It could be argued that without Bullshit, civilization as we know it would cease to exist.
Boo Nazis!
But you can take dried cow pies and throw them like frisbees. Surely that has to count for something.
@Kidsandliz can you? That’s awesome, definitely a contender for greatest animal feces. I grew up around lots of cows but never considered cow pie frisbees.
POPSOCKETS! COURT DOCKETS! FOLK ROCK HITS! AWESOME!
@Kidsandliz @OnionSoup we learned about cow pies in gradeschool. There may have been a discussion regarding frisbee (
) We also discussed how thr pioneers burned them … Of course I wanted to know how they smelled when they burned, because wouldn’t that make their tent, cabin, etc stink. My teacher just stared at me.
@OnionSoup Well us “cousins” probably didn’t think it up ourselves… I have this uncle you see… as the forced gang labor gang dictator (for projects like removing erosion and big rocks from about a mile of a dirt road that is on the side of a hill, and those projects get worse - lets just say there was an outhouse on the property) and methodist minister who told dirtier jokes around kids than other aunts and uncles or grandparents… who also had a devious mind I am reasonably sure he introduced us to that. He probably also encouraged us to gather them up (they really don’t smell once they are dried and are pretty stiff) and, um, throw them around in the front yard while the aunts were on the porch swings. I no longer remember the details of how we got started on that but I am sure he had a hand in it.
@tinamarie1974 Of course grade schoolers want to know about stuff like that. And farts, and other body noises, and how to bang your hands together to sound like a fart… along with anything else that is potentially (or is) gross. And they want to know about it in such practical, sometimes very literal, ways.
I ran a 5th grade sleep over school camp in my past. The things kids asked about was pretty humorous on occasion. For example: Which skunks stink worse - the albino ones (we had several in the barn) or the regular ones? Can we test it out? How can we make them spray on someone and have them not spray on us? Will we get detention if we make them spray and it hits the teacher (their classroom teachers were there) if it was an accident that they missed who we wanted them to spray? If we put up a target can we train them to spray on the target? Umm sorry kids they have had their scent glands removed.
@Kidsandliz @OnionSoup @tinamarie1974 Entirely reasonable question! Sounds like a pretty unimaginative teacher.
@Kidsandliz @Kyeh @OnionSoup thanks, I thought it was reasonable. Some of my classmates giggle but I was SERIOUS
@Kidsandliz @OnionSoup @tinamarie1974 A good teacher would have seen that as an opportunity for you to do some research and come up with a report for the class or something!
@Kidsandliz @Kyeh @OnionSoup yeah it was like fourth or fifth grade. And remember I am old enough that research meant microfilm or encyclopedias.
@Kidsandliz @OnionSoup @tinamarie1974 I loved encyclopedias! I’d always end up reading stuff other than what I originally went to look up, so I consider them good learning tools! Of course the Internet can be too, but there’s so much distracting crap.
@Kidsandliz @Kyeh @OnionSoup @tinamarie1974
like this thread
@Kidsandliz @OnionSoup @tinamarie1974 @ybmuG
Yup.
An Okapi does not poop for the first 2 months after birth.
@daveinwarsh
talk about being full of shit…
@chienfou @daveinwarsh No, no… @daveinwarsh is totally telling the truth!
@chienfou @cinoclav @daveinwarsh But I bet that first one is a doozy.
@cinoclav @daveinwarsh
I was being literal for a change!
@chienfou @daveinwarsh And I was being a smartass, as usual!
@cinoclav @daveinwarsh
We deserve each other!
To attract a mate, hippos use something that we like to call a rotor tail move, where they spin their tail to launch their poop under water.
/youtube hippo poo spray
@ELUNO
Video Link
(Sorry, couldn’t embed a Brightcove video)
@mike808 “If she flicks that tail…”
Famous last words
@ELUNO @mike808 This is why farm kids learn to push up against the cow’s (right) side, and face toward the head. Love the cow’s expression.
@ELUNO hippos also look like they sweat blood and for a long time this was believed to be true.
… It’s not actually blood, it’s just a red pigment in their sweat.
/image Jurassic Park dino dung
This is so gross.
Still fascinating though.
“Brown 25” (which looks suspiciously like human feces ): "It has the strength of steel, the flexibility of rubber, and the nutritional value of beef stew.
@Sonic1961 what a revolutionary product… Lol.
/giphy big poop
