Fuku 4: Battleship edition
11I received a battleship page drawn by our very own JonT.
My codeword is Batman.
Who will I be battling? Do you really want to take me on? HUH!? Do ya, punk, do ya!?!?
Who knows, perhaps even the winners get something special from Meh. I doubt it, as it's Meh after all, but who knows?!?!
- 51 comments, 52 replies
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@juststephen I just got mine this evening. Codeword: BATMAN. I'll take you on, and your little dog too! Does yours say who gets to go first?
@hallmike Sorry, I meant to notify you by using the @sign for you'll know via email that I replied. I have stated my claim of where I believe one of your ships to be located. Respond at your convenience as we have plenty of rations aboard our ships to last out as long as necessary on these treacherous and rough seas. My crewmen are prepared for the long haul and will not accept defeat.
So, you're both Batman?
@lisaviolet There can be only two.
@hallmike Once again...
So, you're both Batman?
@lisaviolet I wish. Unfortunately just my codeword is Batman..
@hallmike
@hallmike @juststephen Please don't blame Barney.
@lisaviolet awww... I have only nice things to say about you too but I know your husband is already giving you the squint eye so I'll wait until he's asleep.
@Barney I haven't blamed a goat for anything yet, and I don't intend to start now. You are off the hook for this, purple one.
@hallmike Whew!
@hallmike master and apprentice?
We shall let the next poster (besides us) who reads this decide who shall attack first. Shall it be I, Stephen or my enemy, whom I shall shortly destroy, Mike from the Hall?
@juststephen Random.org gave me back 1 when I asked for a random number out of 2, so it looks like Stephen.
I do believe that you have a ship located at J2, Mike of the Hall.
@juststephen Your J2 shot fell harmlessly into the ocean. I retaliate with F5 (not the refresh key).
If you would rather do this a quicker way - we could create a rather mediocre chatroom using a service online and get this over with quickly.
@juststephen Then we could declare it a tie and we'd both win the awesome prize and JonT would be none the wiser!!
@hallmike
Okay, we'll do it the long way, then! F5 did hit a seagull and it died a horrible death. You knocked it out of the sky with that puny missile and it was then eaten by a small hammerhead shark that was then eaten by a great white shark, which was then eaten by a flamingo.
But nope, nothing at F5.
I aim for and strike F6 with a fiery vengeance.
@juststephen SeaDoubleFlakingo? erm wait its the outside first... so FlamSharkGull?
@juststephen After apologizing profusely to PETA for my last shot we all had a good laugh at how far off the mark yours was. I call a strike on B9.
@hallmike Tsk. Tsk. Obama's Kenyan relatives were resting on a small deserted island on the way to the United States with his real Kenyan birth certificate when you hit their boat, which left them stranded on said island surrounded by extraordinarily rough waters with no chance of rescue for the forseeable future.. Oh, wait.. There's Gilligan,The professor too, a millionaire, and his wife.. A movie star, maryanne and Ginger, all on Gilligan's isle... Where's the skipper? No idea.
Fortunately for me, none of my ships were anywhere near it. B9 is a miss.
I'd reckon to wager that you have a boat near E3.
@juststephen "Near" is such a relative term, but that shot wasn't even a second cousin twice removed. Miss. How about B1?
@hallmike B1 wasn't close at all. You might as well try to throw a basketball across the Atlantic ocean into a sewer hole.
How bout H9.
@juststephen Speaking of sewer holes, H9 stinks as a shot... at least for you. I have high hopes for D7.
Gosh, darn it. D7 was a..... miss. Did you really think that @jont would make it that easy for you to destroy ME!?!?
My ship drunk tells me that he saw somethin' last night when he was sleepin' around C6. I know that makes no sense.
I've never believed him before, but if he's right, I'll give him a raise. How do you see something when you're sleeping, anyway? Maybe he had an alcohol induced vision?
@juststephen I see things all the time when I'm asleep - they're called "dreams". And that's what you are doing if you think you will win with guesses like that. My scouts report activity at H3.
Crikey. Or so Steve Irwin would say if he were still alive, God rest his soul. You've hit me ship! H3 is a hit! Your scout was correct. Keep in mind, it's just one ship of five.
I'm guessin' you have a hidey hole somewhere around... i7. And no, that's not yer processor speed i7. That's the map grid i7.
@juststephen WOOO! First blood! Your shot sailed over my head and into someone else's board. Miss. For my last attempt of the night (it is my bedtime now) I will choose H2 (because one history channel wasn't enough). Thanks for the fun - See you tomorrow...
@hallmike I forgot to use @. Sowwy.
@hallmike H2 was a miss! I think you threw it far enough away that it landed somewhere in Woot.com's territories.
I hope our slightly amusing antics is like pleasant tasting mehdicine to the readers of this thread. I'm trying to keep in interesting.
I'm going to attempt H4, perhaps it'll be a good channel like H3 was for you, even though I know the odds aren't ever in my favor.
Good night to you - we've been commanding our missile attendants enough tonight, I think they're growing weary.
@juststephen @hallmike I for one am thoroughly enjoying the banter
I foresee a shipload of remote control boats in meh's future...
I'm chuckling reading through this thread, then sez to myself "WTF am I starring these for?!"
You guys are entertaining. I should really be doing other things...
@mehjohnson I'm reading them out loud to my husband. Way more interesting than the tractor crap he reads to me.
@lisaviolet Haha I sometimes read some tractor crap, even though I don't have land.
You shanked my Jengaship!
Are you scared, @hallmike? I haven't seen you around these parts since last night... Skeerdy cat, skeerdy cat...
The people selected for this game were well chosen and great sports.
@Thumperchick random selection at it's finest
@MEHcus Way to crush my ego - I was thinking I was chosen on purpose. ;)
@MEHcus I'm glad I can bring some mehdicore entertainment to your day.
@juststephen Sorry - I was out all day for work. Thanks, stoopid mortgage! But I am home now.
Sooo, where were we? Oh yes, you were showing everyone here how to miss. H4 was the latest in your string. I am aiming my sights at G3.
@Hallmike Oh, noes! You've hit me once again! I'll blame it on the northern lights that we didn't see you coming! I have to blame it on something, because that missile was wobbling so much that I'm surprised it didn't fall apart and land on that beforementioned island. The ship hasn't been destroyed though, but you did kill Kenny. He was my cocker spaniel. Poor guy.
My informant on your ship says that the ship he is aboard is located at A7.
He's kind of dizzy from your captain's horrible steering, but he thinks it's somewhere around there. I'll make him walk the plank if he's wrong.
@juststephen You are collecting quite the harem of misses. Wouldn't it be funny if Jon sent me a blank grid? My next shot is F3.
@hallmike
Your F3 shot had no effect whatsoever on me. It fell harmlessly into the bottom of the ocean (to me), where it somehow managed to ignite the oil left behind from the BP spill, killing millions of underwater critters. :( You need to be more careful.
I think when I was watching the full moon last night that I saw something that wasn't a star near D8.
@juststephen I seem to be slaughtering a lot of animals lately. I am picturing all your ships as animals now. By the way, that was a lousy first D8. Don't ask me out again.
Show me what's behind door number I3!
@hallmike
Crickey, mate. My wife was on that cruiser you just sunk. Along with my sons, daughters, ex wife, Saddam Hussein and Osama bin Laden. Oh, Elvis was there, too.
Bye bye, cruiser. :(
I'm assuming that you meant there wasn't anything at D8? Sigh.
I guess I'll mourn my loss by attacking with H8. Yes. Hate. H8.
I know it's not very strategic, and probably done with rage and there's probably more likely spots, but you never know. H8.
@juststephen Sorry about your sons and daughters. You should have let them off on some island with a couple gallons of sunscreen. Perhaps I should have mentioned that I lettered in Battleship in High School?
H8 is such a strong square. Unfortunately it is also a blank one. I will go for F9.
@hlalmike Miss. Were you aiming for that asteroid? How about F10?
@juststephen faint you got a hit! That took some of the air out of my balloon of superiority. But it made a farty sound so that was funny and made it all better. I am going to try B5.
@hallmike
What the heck? You got another hit! HOW?!?? IS THERE A SPY!?! I'll HUNT HIM DOWN!
I'll have to try F9 then.
@juststephen Leave my spies alone! I come from the land of timberwolves so all i had to do to pacify that purdy baby was to show my even bigger canines.
F9 was a mister misty miss. I call A5.
Haa. No. Nothing there but water. You couldn't have been further away.
I think it must be at G10, or so my strategist tells me. I found your spy.
@juststephen Be nice to Squinty. He's hard to hold onto - like one of those Water Wiggler Snake toys, but he's a good spy. No one suspects the hairless guy.
G10 is a hit! I aim my best cannons at C5.
@hallmike
What a waste of ammo! That was a miss!
I sent your naked mole rat spy via a small boat that we had outside of these five ships to the zoo. Here's where he'll spend the rest of his days, assuming the boat doesn't sink with the small leak it had:
I suppose since that ship isn't destroyed yet (remember, you have to let people know when a ship is destroyed and what it was when it is gone..)
E10!
@juststephen I hear Squinty got a job making license plates in that prison you sent him to. Maybe he will make enough money to afford some clothes.
E10 is another hit! Let's see what's at B4.
You destroyed one of my destroyers! How's that even possible? NO!?!?!? At least I still have ships stealthily hiding from you somewhere.
How about H10 then? Cheerio mate.
@juststephen Well slap your bottom and call yourself Beyonce - you have another hit record with H10! How does D3 look?
I forgot to @hallmike if you're getting emails and notifications and mehdiocre stuff like that to see when I respond.
@juststephen I've just been hitting F5. Wait! That's NOT my next guess.
@hallmike
You are whipping my tail! Somehow, I DO have a ship at D3. How is this even happening!?!??!?!?!?!??!?!
I think you have the last segment of that five pointed ship at i10. It's either that spot, or one other.
@juststephen I10 put cement shoes on my aircraft carrier and sent it to sleep with the fishes. I follow up with D2.
Darnit, mate. You hit me again! D2 is a hit.
Let's see.. My informant in the skies tells me that you have a ship located at J6.
@juststephen Nothing at J6 but a bunch of very confused and frightened krill. I shoot at D1.
i am amused
D1 is a hit! ARG! You're killing me, capt'n.
I suppose I'm just throwing rocks at the ocean now, but I'll reckon:
F1.
@juststephen F1 is a formula one for a miss. Say it with me: "D4".
@hallmike You just somehow fired the missile to D4, which ricocheted off a blue whale, which then hit my ship about 200 yards away. The whale is fine, by the way.
You sunk my battleship. :(
I suppose I'll have to guess B4.
I have one thing to say to you:
Change it to you're.
@juststephen "it's you're"?? I don't get it. But it is late and I am ready to go join that already snoring creature I share a bed with. B4 was a miss. I end the night with H7. It's been fun!
@hallmike
You're strange vs it's strange.
Fun as always! H7 is a definite miss. I hope that you have a great night and we'll continue this battle sometime tomorrow!
@juststephen I await your next move. File at will. I never liked that Will guy anyway.
@hallmike I thought I did fire.. Okay, maybe I just dreamt that I did. I'll fire at.... B9!
@juststephen That would 'bee' a miss! I will try for A10.
A 10 is a miss, @Hallmike.
My sixty-seventh in command mr. snuggles:
claims that he saw something at F4.
@juststephen It's time to switch fabric softeners - Snuggles saw nothing. Miss. Gimme a G8!
Aren't you a bit late, @hallmike?
Regardless, G8 is a hit. :( I don't know how you're getting so lucky. It's improbable at best.
At least this'll be a short game...
I'll have to guess: G3.
@juststephen "Short game" he says on day 3. lol G3 is another equally improbable miss. Show me some February love for G7.
@hallmike G7 is a miss. You just unleashed a kraken from his frozen ice prison. You'll be responsible for the death of thousands of sailors in the future.
I'll have to guess....
E7!
@juststephen I hope that's not a breakfast kracken! E7 is a hit! The game gets shorter.... I will fire the torpedoes at F8.
@hallmike F8 is a hit! Good thing the ship hasn't been destroyed yet. Massive damage was caused though, and they're working on bucketing out water as we speak. Too bad these are the only buckets they had:
I'm going to guess D7.
@juststephen Another hit at D7! It's like the Grammys in here all of a sudden. Let me see what's at E8....
E8 was another hit! If there were this many hits in the Grammy awards, I might actually watch them.
Our resident cat fluffy:
Believes that C7 will also be a hit.
@juststephen That looks like Squinty and Snuggles had a baby together. Nevertheless, C7 is another hit! I will take a chance on D8, hoping our second D8 will be better than our first.
@hallmike Our second D8 was a hit!
I'm trying to get this game done tonight as I'm going out of town for the weekend.
I'll next attempt: B7.
@juststephen YOU SANK MY BATTLESHIP! I would like to guess C8.
Gosh, darnit, mate. You just sunk my Aircraft carrier. Things aren't looking very good for me, are they?
Oh, well.
I suppose I'll have to throw a missile in the air and see where it lands..
It landed at... C3.
@juststephen Wow - are you getting hints from Jon tonight? C3 is another hit! I will take a shot in the dark at J9.
@hallmike @juststephen
@Hallmike. You might've took a shot in the dark, however J9 is a hit! The odds were way in the favor of you missing, however you somehow threw a shot in the dark and hit. Amazing.
It's ridonkulous how good your aim has been. I think @JonT is whispering in your ears, telling you where everything on my board is located. Of course, I can't prove it.
I'll have to guess: C2.
@juststephen We've both been getting a lot of good guesses tonight! I swear it's all on the up-and-up. But C2 is a miss. I9?
@hallmike i9 is a miss.
How about B3?
@juststephen You sank one of my Destroyers! It was full of Built neoprene cases so no one really misses it. I will aim my guns at J10.
Well, you've done it. You've defeated me. You win. Fair and square, as long as @JonT didn't interfere...
Here's a picture of my board.
Post a picture of yours if you want. Regardless, thanks for the entertainment, @jont. I hope that I pleased you with a little bit of entertainment myself. I tried to aim for a bit random and dramatic.
Honestly, I don't think there were any winners or losers. Just mehdiocrity at its finest.
Stephen
Thanks @juststephen for a great game! You really brought the flair and kept it interesting and fun. Thanks also to @JonT for setting it up.
Here is my somewhat messier board:
@juststephen Also, I've been wondering this whole time if you are 'only' Stephen or 'fair' Stephen?
@hallmike Only Stephen. It's just me, Stephen.
@hallmike I was tracking where all you shot as well, but then about six or seven moves into the game I decided I wasn't going to worry about it. It was using another piece of paper to track where I'd fired already though.
Thanks for the good game, @hallmike! :)
Good game, guys. Barney liked!
Awesome game @hallmike & @juststephen! Y'all kept it very entertaining and surpassed my wildest expectations. Great job!
well played gentlemen. incredibly amusing banter. if you two had the codeword BATMAN, are there other battleship games sent out with other code words?
More fun than the real thing, although sorely tempted to buy the game now!
Thanks.
@sublimosa No problem. DO EET!