@ruouttaurmind@tinamarie1974 yeah, I kind of assumed that “shitting one’s pants” here referred to the post-diaper era. But…lord knows, that was so long ago I don’t really remember what I got up to in them days.
Unfortunately I did a couple time, a couple years ago. I had the worst case of Salomnella poisoning ever! Was hospitalized for 8 days. I shit my pants a couple of times in the hospital. Good thing you people don’t know who I am.
@aetris@chienfou@RiotDemon Yes! Yes! And for the record I have been to Scotland and can confirm, commando! It is a great story to tell over a beer, I have no carnal knowledge. I was just at the wrong place at the wrong time and saw about 8-10 of them at once.
Couple of times when I was sick with stuff like the Norwalk virus.
A few unfortunate deadlifts.
Twice when I saw something nasty and thought I would throw up, but it came out the other end instead.
At least a single time because I just simply didn’t care anymore.
That one time I had to lay still and paint a target for 36 hours in Laos during my days as a spook, which isn’t something I should be telling you guys about, so I’m actually shitting my pants pretty hard right now because I just breached some pretty major SF 312s.
I have bad hips related to a form of arthritis. Bad enough that I’ve had two/both full hip replacements by the time I was 25. But before then, it was many years of constant “flair-ups” which meant, for me, massive pain and difficulty either bending at the hip, or fully straightening my legs, depending on what I was doing. So if I was standing and “walking” around for a while, it would take me a good 5-10 minutes to loosen the tight swelling in my hip so I could bend it into a sitting position. I’m sure you can see where this is going already.
Anyway, I was working at a pizza place as a delivery guy at the time. Which was pretty dumb because it meant being on my feet helping cook and clean, until a delivery came up, then having to try to sit in my car for the delivery… Taking a decent amount of time changing from stand/sit positions once the inflammation was going (usually within 30 minutes of my 8-10 hour shift lol).
This particular event happened when I was in a particularly angry flair-up and rather than my usual stiff limping along I had to use crutches. I’m not sure if you’ve ever seen a guy on crutches trying to carry your pizza but it’s not pretty , or fast… And sadly, there was no noticable pity tip increase either lol. This day, while out of a delivery, I got the warning signs from my body of “un-regularity.” I knew I needed to get to a restroom and soon. I finished the delivery, did my usual minutes long process of getting back into the car and got back to the pizza place on the quick. Then the minutes long process of trying to get back out, without straining, knowing what that could mean, which is difficult to do when dealing with that kind of pain. I got out and up on the crutches without fully stretching/loosening to a standing position but I was on crutches so it didn’t matter too much… And made my way into the restaurant and headed straight for the restrooms. The usual “loose stool” warning signs were going crazy and each crutch swing worried me but time was limited so speed was important. I chose to go into the women’s (being a man) since it was closer and the door swing was easier when using crutches. But with my haste I caught one of the crutches in the closing door and tripped myself… Although I caught myself from falling to the ground, it was a massive jolt of crippling pain which sucked on it’s own, but it also released the kraken, so to say, as my effort to stabilize myself took away from my effort to clinch . So standing there, legs spread some, I let loose of a large pile of soft-serve (‘thankful’ at least it wasn’t full liquid). Still in the shockwaves of pain, standing there with a streaming pile and now stuck in the “locked in” straight standing legs position and not knowing the next step caused me to laugh out loud, of all things. Then I had to go through the process of trying to take off shoes, socks, all with stiffened straight hips/legs, and then pants trying as much as possible to not disturb the tighty-whitey hammock of soft-serve that was thankfully (strange to keep using that word lol), still self contained there. Then standing there in my undies trying to slowly crabwalk/move to the toilet and start the process of bending my hips for the sitting position to try to dump the dump with as little skin contact as possible.
In the end, it wasn’t nearly as messy as it could/should have been and although cleanup took a while because of the pain moving around, and such, I eventually stashed the underwear evidence deep in the trashand got dressed again after shuffling back to where I left my pants. Which takes forever in that state… Try putting on pants without bending at the hips. I had to use the two crutches to try to pinch and pull the pants up my legs until I could stretch far enough to reach with my hands. Socks joined the undies in the trash because that wasn’t going to happen lol. Shoes were tied loose enough to slip on, thankfully. Of course when I finally got through the whole ordeal, there was a very impatient looking mother waiting outside the women’s restroom when I left. I told the boss I had to go home and went home and took a shower lol.
Sorry for such a long story about me crapping my pants. Although it sucked, was painful and frustrating, it was also hilarious to me, even as it was happing. Also, why DID you read a long story about poop?
Once I was drunk after clubbing until 5am. I decided to just sleep off the booze in my truck at the work parking garage. I woke up with the booze runs. I made it to the access card into the building before losing it. I tossed the underwear in a trash bin, cleaned up, and went back to sleep in the truck. I wish I could say I learned my lesson but it was only that one time out of pure luck, not because I changed my habits/behaviors.