Cookies! Need I say more.......

@mfladd I think the rule is “if you post about homemade cookies, you must post the recipe.” Especially ones made for you by mom or grandmom.
/giphy sheldon’s meemaw’s cookies

@mollama Here ya go. Let me know what you think of them. Yummy!
http://www.bettycrocker.com/recipes/chocolate-crinkles/941e22b3-9a48-4fb1-bdb0-27479e76d484

@RiotDemon I love Sausalito’s! Raisin oatmeal is probably one of my least favorite cookies.

@mfladd what about just oatmeal? Or oatmeal chocolate chip?

@RiotDemon No, it’s the oatmeal. Add raisins and it is that much worse

@mfladd it’s not for everyone, I guess.

@RiotDemon @mfladd Raisins suck

@RiotDemon Try cranberries, I like them much better. Cranberry pecan oatmeal cookies.

@moondrake
Stop it.

Sorry. I was wrong.
I didn’t really mean it. Don’t stop.

@moondrake not crazy about cranberries. I had some dried cherries the other day in a mixed fruit and nuts pack… So I looked to purchase them. So damn expensive.

@RiotDemon Kind of big for cookies. Have you tried the cherry infused cranberries from Ocean Spray? $3 bag. They come in orange as well.
https://smile.amazon.com/Craisins-Ocean-Spray-Cranberries-Cherry/dp/B01KJNWSES/ref=sr_1_2_a_it?ie=UTF8&qid=1485980321&sr=8-2&keywords=Cherry+craisin

@moondrake no. I don’t even use cranberry sauce at thanksgiving.

Fruits disguised as other fruits… That’s always weird to me. Like when you buy the strawberries and cream oatmeal packs. The strawberries are actually apple pieces with strawberry flavoring.

@RiotDemon totally agree on “fruit flavored like another fruit.” Bad.
Totally disagree on oatmeal raisin cookies. Unfortunately there are badly made ones out there, but a soft one made well (read “made well” as right balance of flavor) is so good!!

@mfladd My favorite Pepperidge Farm cookies are Brussels. Thin, carmelized sugar crunchy cookie with pure dark chocolate center. If you’re going to put chocolate in a cookie, this is how you do it.

@moondrake Winner, winner!

@moondrake
Sigh. Brussels.

/giphy love

@moondrake I will have to try them. Yum.

@moondrake Thank you! I bought a pack of Brussels for the first time in years! So wonderful!

@mfladd

Or

@mfladd I like anything involving coconut.

@PantHeist Your post is useless without recipe

@duodec You’re not getting my recipe
-Jen

@PantHeist

@PantHeist -Jen

Recipe shared makes everyone happy and every cookie taste better

I will repost monster cookie recipe as reciprocity…

@PantHeist -Jen
/giphy sad puppy eyes

@hems79 @dudec She says: “No. I worked hard for that cookie recipe. I could potentially give them the basis of the recipe, but I refuse to tell them what I did to tweak it. Admittedly, the puppy is cute”

@hems79 @dudec
Before tweaks: http://www.lovefromtheoven.com/brown-butter-bakery-style-chocolate-chip-cookies/

@PantHeist
Thx. And thx to Jen. That looks like a good start.

@PantHeist I’ll post monster cookie recipe tonight; Will include two tweaks that have garnered favorable reviews.

@duodec Thanks! I’ll try making them. She still says “I give my tweaks to no man.”

@PantHeist

She still says “I give my tweaks to no man.”

Then I’ll ask my wife to ask… or else find a Hobbit or Rohani Warmaiden who would also love some brown butter chocolate chip cookies to do so.

@duodec haha good luck.

@PantHeist
Something tells me she might be able to handle a ringwraith.

@f00l She says “I get the reference, and I’m flattered.”

Also, she definitely could. This is me:

@PantHeist
OMG. WTF?

@f00l I got the tattoo the day I turned 18. I turned a note into my high school saying “Adam has an appointment today” so I could leave early without actually lying.

@PantHeist
Was asking about what looks like blood on your back.

@f00l that would be blood. It’s just more scars now.

This is a bulk recipe from when we made large batches to send to a coworker’s unit when he was deployed in the sandbox.

preheat oven to 325 degrees

• 3 lb peanut butter (we use Skippy; “natural” works but can result in oily cookies)
• 1 lb butter, softened and cut into slices (if salted, then skip the salt item below)
• 2 lb light brown sugar (tweak #1 split half light half dark)
• 1 dozen large fresh eggs, out of fridge 30 minutes
• 18 cups rolled quick oats (Quaker type)
  (get good stuff; generic often has smaller flakes)
• 1 TBsp vanilla extract
• 1 TBsp corn syrup
• 8 tsp baking soda
• 1 lb M&Ms
• 1 lb semi sweet chocolate chip morsels
  (Tweak #2, substitute some or all for butterscotch chips)

Mix the eggs, vanilla, corn syrup, baking soda.
Work in the brown sugar, then start adding in peanut butter, and butter and the oatmeal along in batches
until uniform. Add the morsels and M&Ms together in batches and work in until uniform. Work gently and quickly while adding the candy as the M&M coating will start softening very quickly.

Spoon in ~1.5" balls onto parchment sheets on sheet pans; leave 1.5" or so between cookies as they will spread.

Cook 10-12 minutes. Depending on your oven you may need to add 1-3 minutes to that cook time. Rotating trays/racks at the halfway point is recommended.

Cool for 5-10 minutes before moving them to paper sheeting (we use cut open brown shopping bags) to complete cooling. They are very soft but will firm up quickly. Don’t use cooling racks unless you allow the cookies to cool a while longer before moving them; they will break and might stick to the rack.

Once they’ve cooled a few hours they can be put in containers. After a day or so they can be layered into vacuum sealer bags and sealed for transport (thats how we shipped the care packages; we were told they came out of the bag fine and separated easily).

@PantHeist If thats what one gets seeking out the secret tweaks then perhaps discretion and experimentation are the better part of valor (and culinary espionage)

@duodec I’m definitely guna have to cut that down, but can’t wait to try it.

@PantHeist I just hope that blood isn’t from your wife’s fingernails…

@PantHeist Yeah, sorry I couldn’t find the original recipe, just the scaled up one. Divide everything by three, I think.

@compunaut A gentleman never tells.

@duodec This is the basic recipe I use for my Everything But The Kitchen Sink Cookies. I use chunky peanut butter rather than creamy, and then also add chopped pecans & walnuts, coconut, white chocolate chips, peanut butter chips, and a decent sprinkling of Heath Bar Brickle Bits.
I use a cookie scoop and then slightly flatten & form them before baking. It cuts down on the baking time a bit and they are more uniform in size so they pack easier.
I use silpats to bake on. After they rest for a few minutes, they’re firm enough to transfer to racks. (When I use parchment paper, I can easily slide the entire sheet off onto the counter to allow them to cool before moving them to racks for the final cool down. Four sheets of parchment & two cookie sheets, and keep cycling the sheets)

I run hot & cold on the butterscotch chips. I think a handful works best, otherwise they tend to overwhelm all the other flavors.
They freeze very well. In fact, I have 2 dozen hidden in my freezer. At least I think I do.
I slipped up and mentioned to my family that I had a secret stash from the last batch I made. That was two days ago. Dammit.

@LaVikinga My wife is the butterscotch fan; I prefer straight semisweet chocolate chips. Her parents were the driver on no nut chunks, or chunky peanut butter, but to be honest I’ve preferred the cookies without the chunks of stuff in them. To me it detracts from the texture (and with some nuts, the taste) but thats all subjective.

We have also kept some frozen (in vacuum sealed bags) for a year (missed one in the deep freeze) from back when her parents sent them to us for Christmas. Now that we’re the official cookie-makers there’s rarely enough left to freeze unless we do double batches.

I’ll think about the peanut butter and white chocolate chips next time, thanks!

@duodec Try browned butter peanut butter cookies with peanut butter chips, too.

@duodec

Toll House is classic.

@hems79 Just picked these up in the store because of your post. Haven’t tried them yet, so I’ll have to update later.

Another note…
I was hungry as hell when I posted this, and there was a package of these near my desk. Let me speak the truth now…
These are the best STORE-BOUGHT cookies ever, including the ones where you buy the refrigerated dough ones. I’ve had better (actual) homemade ones before.
I hope @pitamuffin isn’t disappointed by my (too) high of a praise of these cookies though, but they are great.

@hems79 No need to worry, they are really good! And that is high praise, since my cookies usually need chocolate in them

I’m really enjoying the “thin” cookies that have come out recently. I’ve tried some of the others (of the chocolate variety) and am surprised how much I like a crispy cookie. I’m usually a soft-and-chewy kind of person.

@pitamuffin The mint Oreo Thins are all kinds of delicious too. Basically, an Oreo version of Girl Scouts’ Thin Mints.

@pitamuffin I love crunchy cookies the best. The oatmeal cookies I make are soft, and delicious… But I do not like soft chocolate chip or sugar cookies. Sugar cookies in general are some of my least favorite cookies, depending on who bakes them.

@heartny
/giphy cookie orgasm

@heartny

Now why would you show someone who just got clean pictures of people doing heroin and cocaine?

Harsh.

@djslack I’ve heard those called Ranger cookies, although I prefer them without chocolate, it overwhelms the other flavors. Ranger cookies are my favorite bakery cookies.

@djslack That reminded me of the amazingly awesome gluten free Cowgirl Cookies from Liz Lovely. They taste like chocolate chip cookie dough. Heavenly.

https://lizlovely.com/collections/frontpage/products/cowgirl

@Pixy

My brain came to a complete stop when I read your cookie description.

Now my brain refuses to do anything except obsess over cookies.

@ELUNO lol

@ELUNO
Plus billions and billions of stars for that.

@f00l Carl Sagan & Neil Degrasse Tyson

@compunaut
Exactly.

But NDT loses at least a billion stars because of Pluto.

Fuckers.

/giphy pluto

@f00l Hooray!

@f00l Pffft. Pluto is just a rock in space. There’s plenty more just like it. How many planets do you want?

@compunaut @f00l

Let’s start with finding Squornshellous Zeta.

@compunaut

To paraphrase Herb Brooks:

I don’t want the best planets.

I want the right planets.

Scientific classification system tweaking vs the dreams and underdog-love and related cartoon-character-love felt by all children and all who ever were children.

No contest.

It would have been ok if they had simply acknowledged the affection they know people and esp kids feel for Pluto by naming it an “Honorary Planet” or “Planet Emeritus”.

Then the change would have been kinda fun.

And that sort of planet and similar-classification system tweaking is not terribly important compared to other things in astronomy, or so I was told. (By a research astronomer who was offered, and declined, the directorship of the Hubble project. He liked doing his own research better.)

According to him, those divisions are mostly on the level of taxonomy. Not very theoretically significant because astronomers understand the facts/implications with or without the category adjustment.

@compunaut

PS.
Pluto ain’t a rock in space.
Pluto is our rock in space.
See the diff?

@Kidsandliz @Pantheist Yes! Yes! Share the recipe as soon as you can! Be an example to others! Your cookies will taste better forever if the recipe is shared!

@mfladd now I crave those and a cup of tea!

@f00l

If you ever wanna talk, while I may not have adequate words, I’m told that I’m a good listener at times.

@PlacidPenguin
Bouncing between “best cookies ever” thoughts and “best subs ever” thoughts.

Rough night.

@f00l

@moondrake
just wanted to mention that your post was both evil and perfect.

@Raider You don’t have to worry about salmonella in homemade cookie dough. Only about 1 in 8500 eggs has any traces of salmonella in it. It’s only a real risk with mass produced cookie dough since they make huge batches with tons of eggs in each, and since they sit for a long time one contaminated egg can contaminate the whole batch.

@PantHeist You just have to eat the cookie dough really fast.
/giphy eat cookie dough

@sammydog01 that’s not cookie dough. Giphy fail

@PantHeist I got sick for 2 days tasting less than a teaspoon homemade peanut butter cookie dough that I made. I have not had raw eggs since then - it’s been 5+ years. Yes, I ate a lot of raw dough before then, but the ONE time you get sick is enough to never, ever, EVER do it again.

@pfarro1 I love meringues…

@mikibell last time I made meringues:

@RiotDemon Yum!

@RiotDemon Pretty!

@RiotDemon nice. Send me some would ya?

@RiotDemon with flavoring? Very pretty!

@mikibell If I stumble across lemon ones I am required by law to purchase and binge on them.

@moondrake orange is the only flavor to which I say no ;)…I love lemon though…or raspberry…or with chocolate chips… Or fresh fruit… I miss being in Australia, there was this amazing bakery with Pavlova and fresh fruits…yummmmmy

@mikibell the pink were strawberry, the white were mint. I left the really colorful ones alone.

@mikibell I love pavlova. The first time I had it we were staying in Sydney, supposedly at a bed and breakfast, but we were their first guests ever so they treated us more like visiting family. I’ve made it a couple of times since I got home but my friends don’t like unusual foods.

@moondrake
Re lemon ones
Glad to hear you are law-abiding.

@RiotDemon They look great but I can’t help thinking of this:

@callow now I want icecream.

@sammydog01
Mo’ betta’ butta’ !!!

/giphy butter

@f00l To paraphrase Paul Prudhome, if you can eat butter, don’t bother eating.

@f00l oops, if you CAN’T eat butter, don’t bother eating. Important little t.

@moondrake
No worries.

If a sentence contains the word “butter”, my mind tends to stop right there, and not bother with the rest of the sentence.

/image butter

@CaptAmehrican Compare ingredients of most cookies with most cereals and you’ll get “yes”. Thin mints not so much, but go for it. Life is uncertain, have a cookie.

@CaptAmehrican @moondrake Don’t be so sure

I have a box of the thin mints cereal. It’s okay, but no substitute for the real cookie. It’s also better for snacking on, dry, rather than eating as a cereal.

@2many2no those look like what we call angel wings…sometimes just powdered sugar covered, other times drizzled with maple syrup… Yummmmmy…and dangerous…

@mikibell Yup. Polish bow cookies or Angel wings.

How many can you eat is how many there are…
Unless Grandma catches you!

@2many2no EXACTLY! except in my case it was great grandma catching me…one of my very few memories of her…but her cookies were gooooood…

My kids know these from boy scout camp, we have an older Italian gentleman who loves my kids and spoils all the kids… He makes the angel wings on staff night for the kids who work at camp… He may just look away when I purloin a few

I know, I am slacking as a mom…but there are soooo many traditions to instill in them…

@2many2no wow those look wonderful !!

@callow next time I make brownies, I must put candy bars inside.

@RiotDemon
Not if you make the perfect brownie.

If you make the perfect brownie, any additions are really subtractions. No icing. No candy bars.

Small add-ins like bits of mint, nuts, chocolate chips, or crunched up toffee are ok tho.

http://www.stat.ucla.edu/~brodsky/recipes/brownies_cockaigne.html

From The Joy of Cooking, various editions.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Joy_of_Cooking

The most recent, I think:
Joy of Cooking, Hardcover
October 31, 2006
by Irma S. Rombauer (Author), Marion Rombauer Becker (Author), Ethan Becker (Author)

https://www.amazon.com/Joy-of-Cooking/dp/0743246268/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1486920617&sr=8-1&keywords=The+Joy+of+Cooking

PS: If you don’t want them gone before they ever finish cooling, you may have to re-fit the kitchen with razor wire or weaponry.

PPS: anyone who comes to the kitchen and offers to “help” is a liar, con artist, and charlatan.

@f00l I’ll be trying this recipe soon!

@callow
Don’t make the “cake-like” ones. The other way is better.

Follow the butter/chocolate directions carefully and exactly. Waiting for the butter/chocolate to cool is the only annoying part of this recipe.

Don’t overbake. If you test for doneness, do it near the edges. If you do it in the center, the edges might overbake a little.

@f00l my mom left a box of Samoas at my house. I tried to ignore all the other girl scouts. I know if I want any more, I can just buy the keebler version, any time of the year.

@f00l

Don’t forget about the party.

@PlacidPenguin
You can’t find me. I’ll be in the Witness Protection Program with my GS Cookies. We’re making a new life together.

@f00l

For the second time this week: Pffft.

And anyways, wouldn’t changing the location of the party without informing the guests be considered unhospitable?

@f00l

Soo… Apparently there’s no version of the word with a u, just i, but my question remains.

@PlacidPenguin

Cookies can destroy morals and social integration. They are from the Dark Side.

@f00l

Again, I don’t want the GS cookies.

I care about the other part of the party.

@PlacidPenguin

Ok. Will consider being human.

This is tough. Gotta think about it.