bullied for burrito crimes
13
Somewhere, out in the vast blue yonder, I reckon there has to be someone else who eats their burrito like this. I carefully rip bite sized pieces of tortilla up, and then carefully curate each individual bite to eat with it.
Comments from @cythwulf, @nommynoms, and @riskybryzness include: What is wrong with you?, Only serial killers eat their burritos that way, and You can no longer be trusted.
Anyone…? (If not, please share your weird eating habits with me so I won’t feel so alone, even if it’s not a burrito… 
)
- 26 comments, 128 replies
- Comment
“carefully?”
@riskybryzness there’s a science to it
@halfling “science”
@riskybryzness
“for science”
@halfling I
your drawings!
@chienfou @halfling Yes, you can be excused for being a serial burrito killer just because of your drawings.
Weird.
@Barney : (
@halfling Sorry if the truth hurts.
But I mean…why not just order the salad?
@LeviOhPlz Oh trust me, we asked. Something about proportions and mixing ratios.
@LeviOhPlz @riskybryzness
But… all the good flavors don’t get all mixed together in a warm tortilla of yummy goodness
@halfling @riskybryzness Fair enough. I’m just saying, if I have to introduce a fork into the act, I’ve already defeated at least a third of a burritos purpose.
But hey, I get the same strange looks when I get pita bread with salads and fill the pita pockets to eat it.
So I guess I’m not anti-fork so much as I’m pro-sandwich!
@LeviOhPlz @riskybryzness LOL hey I do that too
@LeviOhPlz So would you say a hotdog in a bun is a sandwich then? (snicker).
@Kidsandliz Sandwich adjacent.
I get burrito bowls so no one stares at me.
@sammydog01 Let them stare, we fear no one!
The only crime I see there is rice in a burrito.
@ruouttaurmind What??? what do you put in yours??
@ruouttaurmind whoa, whoa. Rice belongs in burritos.
@halfling Not a fan of rice at all but. Everything else in that burrito looks grand. It could use some onions and peppas though.
@ruouttaurmind Well that’s fair
Some sautéed onions woulda been great in it
@halfling @ruouttaurmind and sour cream …
@riskybryzness
Rice is a side dish. Putting it in the burritos is a way for companies to add bulk cheaply.
@cengland0 @riskybryzness Ideally, I’d remove the chicken and add more rice, but I unfortunately cannot request that through doordash
I’ve definitely cut into a burrito and savaged it’s guts with a fork, but I don’t do the part about pre-ripping the tortilla into pieces. This happens naturally as the fork penetrates and slices at the burrito carcass.
@medz close enough, you’re LUMPED IN WITH ME NOW!
I eat it like that…way too messy to try any other way in my opinion…I just remove it from the foil first and put it in a plate or bowl…don’t want to ingest any foil in a feeding frenzy…safety people…safety…
@amehzinggrace
my new favorite person!
hmmmm. Nope… I don’t have that much patience. Once it hits the plate it’s straight into the mouth while it’s still hot. If it’s TOO hot I may slice it and eat it by the forkful (at least until it gets cool enough).
@chienfou That’s entirely fair, but then…
sometimes you’d get a mouthful of guac, and then you’d get nothing but rice…
@halfling only if the kitchen staff doesn’t do a good job in the assembly process!
@chienfou burrito too big for my mouth
@halfling I obviously have a bigger mouth than you! No dainty little bites for me!
/giphy dainty bites
@halfling OK, I can live with that gif
How do you eat corn on the cob?
Horizontal rows, Circular columns, random bites all over, cut the kernels off and eat it that way or something else?
Mine always looks like the kernels were individually plucked out by the time I am done (typewriter style)
@chienfou whoah! I’ll try that next time! I just take out random chunks of mine haha
@chienfou Rows of course.
@Kidsandliz Rows FTW!
@chienfou @Kidsandliz - OCD!
(Obsessive corn disorder)
@chienfou Cut the kernels off. COTC = Corn off the Cob
@chienfou @Cythwulf My default is neat rows, pausing to chew as appropriate. For some reason this irks one of my family members. If a derogatory comment is made, sometimes I’ll switch into Annoy mode. Maybe high-speed rows, columns, random, or the rare artistic spiral. If my oldest grandchild is present and starts cracking up or throws out pattern suggestions, that’s a bonus.
Yeah, I can go passive-aggressive when eating corn-on-the-cob. Though I don’t suggest this approach as being beneficial to interpersonal relations, the particular family member hasn’t made many derogatory comments lately.
@Cythwulf @mehcuda67
/giphy bravo
Well done!
@chienfou @Cythwulf @mehcuda67 Plus once you get to the “grandkid” stage you are also in the “I do it my way so stuff it” stage.
@Cythwulf @mehcuda67 @tightwad
@chienfou @Cythwulf @tightwad So true. Plus, all my grandchildren are still young enough that they see me as a rock star. Might as well keep that status as long as I can.
/8ball Should burritos be eaten by hand (and not utensils)?
You may rely on it
@narfcake To be fair, I only use the utensil to spoon my selected goods onto the piece of tortilla hahaha
You know what?
It’s great. Stick a fork in it.
/giphy stick a fork in it
@f00l exactly!!
@Ignorant
And you’re an @ignorant monster!
/giphy ignorant monster
@Ignorant nooooooooo!
What about pancakes?
@chienfou syrup before…random cutting
@chienfou no syrup, just butter. Cut into little pieces and then you eat!
@chienfou Syrup on the side. Cut up bits get dipped in syrup. Utensils are optional.
@chienfou Syrup always goes on after so it can be soaked up by the porous sides of the (reasonably) square cut pancake pieces.
@chienfou @themutilator this! ^
@cinoclav I do butter, then pie shaped cuts (OCD? or too many years in the pizza biz…), then syrup. then wait a few seconds for the syrup to get absorbed, then devour… but DEFINITELY cut first!
@chienfou Easy…Waffles. Butter and Syrup in each square, eat each square individually.
@tightwad I’m there!
Dammit, I don’t care how you eat it, but now I want one!
Dammit!
@DennisG2014 har har har, try it my way! come to the dark side!
I don’t eat my burrito that way but I can understand the approach, having other exacting manners to eat certain foods for proper appreciation of their yumminess.
What I do, tho, is be very particular about where I buy the burrito and even which employee is making them - they have to have the ingredients evenly spread out (to get the proper combinations in each bite), no excessive wateriness from the beans or lettuce (so the last part isn’t a gooey dripping mess), the tortilla wrapped properly tight, evenly, sealed correctly on the ends and given that blast of steam after wrapping in that weird burrito steam blasting device. It should be able to stand on end if properly built. If this level of discernment is not available, I can completely understand the disassembling and reassembly of @halfling. We can get into the proper way to remove the foil later.
@stolicat second new favorite person!! Agreed!
Sometimes the big Naugles Macho Burrito would be a little too juicy and would fall apart before we could finish them. At such times it was necessary and proper to eat the remains as loose chunks out of the wrapper.
Original Taco burritos in Palatine IL don’t have that issue. I miss those; they definitely held together, allowing a purely handheld eating experience.
@duodec The burrito concept was initially developed as a way for field workers to be able to take their lunch with them and not have to mess with packaging or utensils - this only happened after Mexican families began using wheat-flour tortillas, which had the needed flexibility to make a sealed wrap.
@duodec At home, I’ll often place a 2nd flour tortilla on the plate under the burrito/taco/nachos/etc so that any droppings becomes the makings of a 2nd-course burrito.
@duodec @medz ooh I do this too haha
@halfling
@Cythwulf hisssss
@Cythwulf @halfling Nooooo! That’s just… wrong.
@chienfou @Cythwulf @halfling
Pizza: First toppings are consumed. Then cheese pulled off and eaten. Then recreate a pizza by adding parmesan and pepper flakes to the doughy-tomatoey remains. Finally, eat like a normal person eats a pizza.
Also, pointy end first.
Discuss.
@themutilator I’m definitely going to try this next time. ++ garlic butter!
@themutilator I’m getting a definite vibe from your meh user name… and your food habits!
@themutilator um, I agree with adding parm and pointy end first. Sometimes a little sea salt on top! But no deconstruction of the pie.
Funny, I was just thinking about this last night as we were eating at Moe’s. I’m a classic unwrap the foil, bite from the end burrito eater. The gf on the other hand pretty much does what @halfling does and cuts it open, eating random pieces as she goes. As for fillings, mine was: Carnitas, cilantro lime rice, black beans, pico, sour cream, guacamole, grilled onions, fresh jalapeno, and cilantro. Ate half of it, considered how disgustingly full I wanted to feel, wrapped the rest to finish tonight.
@cinoclav Ahh that sounds so good - we took a customer-service-team trip to taco bell, but… that sounds so much better!
@cinoclav @halfling Moe’s vs Taco Hell… no comparison. As for the “how full do I want to feel” part, your will power is OBVIOUSLY way better than mine!
@chienfou Only because my intestinal tract is probably way worse than yours. But I am trying to get back on my ski season diet so I figured I’d be somewhat good by not being overly gluttonous.
@cinoclav skiing = going downhill fast
extra weight = going downhill faster
@cinoclav As for skiing I used to live in CO and did most of my skiing in Summit county. Originally learned when I was a teen and lived in Sallanches for a few months and we skiied in Chamonix and around the Mont Blanc area. As I think I mentioned previously, I go back to the days when skis were sized to reach your wrist from the ground to the tips (I skiied Head 205s to 210s… with Marker Rotomats and Hanson ski boots in CO, Rossignols (of course) in France). Now that I am in AlaDama I don’t ski any more, though I did keep my membership in the USSA when the kids were younger and I was teaching them to ski… before snowboarding became the young person’s choice preference.
We even skiied in Alabama at a single tow rope, artificial snow resort in Mentone when the kids were younger since there was a package “ski rental, lesson and lift pass” for $25 for the day. No need to pay Aspen prices when you are just starting out. You may as well pay for the part of the slope you will be using. Kids enjoyed it enough to go to NC a few times (Cataloochee I think) but I haven’t buckled a boot in about 20+ years. May try it again if the grands have any interest. But I’ll be on medicare by then!
@chienfou Unfortunately, already having a somewhat bum knee means I really have to watch how much weight I’m putting on it. Heading off to Grindelwald this winter and I’d like to get my money’s worth.
@cinoclav a bad day on the slopes is still better than a good day at work…
@halfling your actual name is Sheldon (Big Bang Theory). Right?
@Kidsandliz LOL - to be entirely fair, I’m extremely picky about the air-flow and temperature of my surroundings as well…
@Kidsandliz
^ Can confirm.
@Kidsandliz Oh god I can’t unsee it
@Kidsandliz @nommynoms Funny, I was thinking Monk…
@chienfou @Kidsandliz @nommynoms oh I
Monk
@Kidsandliz @nommynoms @tinamarie1974 Tony Shaloub is great in Mrs Maisel also…
@chienfou @Kidsandliz @nommynoms yes! He is a great actor
So, last night when I saw this thread (and more specifically the delicious image), I was in no condition to drive to the burrito store (which, coincidentally, was also perfect condition for burrito consumption). Hence my frustration.
Well, it’s a new day and it’s time for lunch, so I’m going out to get me a burrito, dammit!
Oh, and I’ll eat it the regular way - peel the foil, bite the burrito, repeat.
@Halfling - your method makes perfect sense to me, but I just don’t have the patience; just want to get that burrito in my belly!
Although - when I order a burrito at one of the 2 authentic Mexican places I go to (instead of take out like Chipotle or Moe’s), they’re served smothered on a plate and not at all hand-friendly like the foil wrapped take-out ones, so I eat 'em with a knife and fork - but still from one end to the other, not meticulously cut up into equally consistent bites (not that there’s anything wrong with that).
@DennisG2014 Oooh yes! that does bring up a good point - not all burritos are the same, and must be consumed differently! In entire fairness, if it’s small enough to be eaten two-bites-wide (yes that’s a measurement), I’ll eat it like that. Otherwise, utensils and curating required.
FML, never going to Moe’s again, dammit.
Chose the quick and easy burrito over the quality burrito and that was a mistake.
Only maybe the 4th time I’ve gone there, and the other few were kinda meh, but good enough, and I like that they include chips and salsa.
This time, I think they spilled an entire jar of seasoned salt into the carnitas.
My mouth right now tastes like the times I’ve gargled warm salt water to treat a sore throat or whatever. Seriously.
Like, I’m literally going to have to rinse my mouth out to get that taste out of my mouth.
Fucking nasty.
And, as long as I’m complaining about Moe’s, can we talk about their menu naming scheme?
Did they choose the names of their items by throwing darts at Wikipedia pages?
I got a “Homewrecker Jr.”, which is a small burrito with guacamole. Ok…
So, what do they call a burrito w/out guacamole?
“Joey Bag of Donuts”, of course.
What? What am I ordering? Donuts???
A burrito bowl… “Earmuffs”. Seriously? Why???
Quesadilla… any guesses?
How about, “John Coctostan”. WTAF does that even mean??? How is that a name for a quesadilla???
Ok, enough ranting, I gotta get this fucking nasty taste out of my mouth.
BTW - I know how the game is played here, but not only is this not Halfling’s fault, it’s not even the goat’s fault (what goat?). It’s my own damn fault for choosing the fast-food option and Moe’s fault for being fucking nasty.
edit to add: DAMMIT!!!
@carl669
@mediocrebot What about the goat reference? Or do I have to say scapegoat?
@nolrak this is your fault.
@DennisG2014 Jump to 1:20
@DennisG2014 they are all pop culture references… for no obvious reason other than to be ‘hip’. And yes, it can be a crap shoot how their food comes out, but they are one of the few ‘fast foods’ with a liquor license…
@DennisG2014 that’s known as a “wet” burrito around here. Real burritos were meant to be portable and not covered in sauce (altho those are pretty good, too).
@chienfou @DennisG2014 John Coctostan is from Fletch…awesome movie, top 5 for sure
HIKING! VIKINGS! STRIKE KING [BRAND FISHING LURES]! AWESOME!
@DennisG2014 Hahahah oh my gosh I’m so sorry - I don’t even know what Moe’s is hahahaha
@chienfou @tightwad Yeah, I looked at the Wiki and I now recognize all the references but, of all the stupid, random, lame attempts to be hip…
The references have nothing to do with the food, as far as I can tell.
It really is like they threw darts at a Wikipedia page, it’s just that it was a page listing pop culture references.
So, they named their big taco salad, “close talker”…
If you want a Seinfeld reference to name your big salad, I can’t help thinking there might be something that’s a bit less of a non sequitur…
/giphy big salad
@halfling Moe’s Southwest Grill is the garbage fast food chain that absolutely ruined my fucking day yesterday. If you see one, don’t go there.
Taking Mum out to lunch today, thinking about going to the authentic Mexican joint to make up for yesterday, but feeling gun shy.
Might have to stick to something bland.
@carl669
@chienfou @DennisG2014 @tightwad apparently the only Moe’s in California is in a restricted Marine Base in Southern California near San Diego, which is just fine by me from everything I’m reading here. But is this a way to treat our young folk in uniform?
@DennisG2014 Sorry yours sucked. I feel like I implanted the idea of going there in your head. Mine was delicious. Of all the quick service burrito chains around, Moe’s is by far my favorite. Though I do like Chipotle’s barbacoa.
@chienfou @stolicat @tightwad I’d bet that since it’s in a restricted Marine base, the quality and service is pretty well regulated, so it’s probably the best Moe’s in existence.
@cinoclav Nope nothing to do with your mention, just coincidence.
For takeout burritos I have two choices, Chipotle or Moe’s.
I like Chipotle’s food, everything I’ve had there has always been fresh and tasty.
The only reason I tend to avoid the place is because, like most takeout today, they only have one size - too big.
Seriously, if they offered a smaller serving, I’d go there pretty regularly instead of once in a great while.
I don’t like refrigerated leftover burritos so I’m either going to eat the whole thing and regret it or toss some out and regret wasting food.
So, I recently started going to Moe’s just because they offer a reasonable serving size, even though I like Chipotle better.
Anyway, all this just reminds me how bummed I am that my all-time favorite takeout burrito chain somehow collapsed in the midst of expanding.
Boloco had the most and best variety in menu items and had 3 sizes, a ‘mini’ that’s like, 1/3 of your typical big burrito, a small that is an actually reasonably sized serving for a healthy human being, and an ‘original’ that is typical big burrito size.
I used to drive 20 minutes once a week or so to go to the one nearest me and was really excited when they announced they were going to open one right in my city.
Then, that one fell through because my city’s bureaucracy is really shitty to chains - even small, independent, local ones.
Next thing I knew, the one I drove to was shuttered, and now they’re back to only having a few locations within the city of Boston, which is where they started.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I’m sure Moe’s quality can vary depending on who’s running the place and who’s working there.
IMO, it was never good enough to warrant me forgiving such a nasty, disgusting error.
When I said it tasted like they had dumped an entire container of seasoned salt into it and that it left an aftertaste like I had done a salt-water gargle, I was not exaggerating, not even a little.
One of the most disgusting things I’ve ever tasted.
If I had eaten there, I’d have gone to the counter and made them taste the carnitas themselves, and then expected to see them toss it in the trash, apologize profusely and give me a replacement at no charge, but I still wouldn’t have come back.
One last thing - one of the authentic Mex places I go to once actually made me and a friend sick. I didn’t go back for a few years, but the place is so good and gets such consistently good reviews w/ no other reports of causing illness, that I started going there again and have had no other problems.
Moe’s didn’t make me sick - though I was worried for a bit - but it was never good enough for me to overlook something like this.
BTW - have I ever mentioned brevity is not one of my strengths?
tl?/dem
(Too long? Don’t encourage me.)
On the one hand, this seems insane. On the other, this is very similar to how I eat cake, and now that I think about it, a lot of food (taste first to figure out ideal ratio of ingredients; try to get correct balance in every bite; try to end up with largest amount of preferred ingredient in case it doesn’t work out [that’s more cake/frosting specific]).
@mossygreen Yess… @nommynoms forced me to peel off the bottom of a cupcake today to make it a cupcake sandwich (putting the peeled off excess of cake on top of the icing). Reminds me of that!
@halfling @mossygreen Look, this is the ONLY way to eat a cupcake. @chadp can confirm.
@ChadP @halfling @mossygreen @nommynoms
FALSE! The best way to eat a cupcake is to use a fork using the wrapper like a bowl/plate.
@ChadP @halfling @medz @mossygreen So. @Cythwulf ate a cupcake like this today and I watched it explode EVERYWHERE.
@ChadP @halfling @medz @mossygreen @nommynoms
It did not even slightly explode.
@ChadP @Cythwulf @halfling @mossygreen @nommynoms
The sandwich method is terribly flawed as there is always too much frosting and it is guaranteed to explode out as you bite down.
@ChadP @Cythwulf @halfling @medz @mossygreen @nommynoms I think you should just stuff the whole cupcake, frosting first, into your mouth and peel off the paper as it passes your lips. No mess.
Please post a video when you’re done.
@ChadP @Cythwulf @halfling @medz @mossygreen @nommynoms Often cupcakes use a terrible amount of frosting to disguise how bland or disgusting the cake itself is. Or to be “pretty”. I usually wipe most/all the frosting off into the trash, then sandwhich what remains. As the wife of a custom cupcake maker I can confirm the sandwich method is the correct method for eating. If you use a fork you don’t deserve cupcakes.
@tightwad Why would I let you judge my methods, frosting-wiper?
@Cythwulf @tightwad I wipe too…
@halfling @tightwad You’re busy being shamed for your crimes against burritos. 1 crime against food at a time, please.
@Cythwulf @tightwad how low can I go…? I put pickle juice and mustard on popcorn
@Cythwulf @halfling @tightwad
@Cythwulf @halfling @tightwad i pop with garlic and add butter and parm cheese from time to time. Yummy!
@halfling Per my daughter - make popsicles from the pickle juice.
@tightwad So your suggestion is to just waste the delicious frosting to achieve the sandwich configuration. You’re just making excuses for the flaws in your technique.
Don’t you use a fork when eating a piece of normal cake? What makes a cupcake different? I’ll tell you. It’s that it comes pre-portioned in its own disposable bowl. Take a fork to it as you normally would any piece of cake.
Y’all are acting like cupcakes are meant as a one-handed, on-the-go snack. This is not the case. Take your time to enjoy the cupcake; don’t fist it into your mouth like some fast food value burger. Heathens.
@medz @tightwad @halfling
“Some people… some people like cupcakes exclusively, while myself, I say
There is naught nor ought there be nothing so exalted on the face of god’s grey
Earth as that prince of foods… the muffin!”
F. Zappa, esq.
“It doesn’t work…messy-free my butt”
It’s polite to share!
@medz oh myyyyyy
Everyone knows this is the correct way to eat a burrito
@Ignorant like corn on the cob?
@chienfou you got that right.
@Ignorant Do not like
@Ignorant @nommynoms what happens when she gets through it and has two pieces? To give the benefit of a doubt, maybe it had broken in the middle and she had to do some emergency consumption to avoid dribbling all over that nice hoodie …
@nommynoms @stolicat I think once the burrito is in 2 pieces you put your mouth around the open end and squeeze the contents into your mouth…kinda like a burrito Otter Pop.
@Ignorant @nommynoms @stolicat Savages! That looks like a praying mantis eating a cricket.
@Ignorant @mehcuda67 @nommynoms @stolicat Ahhh I’m usually too full and only eat half of this - maybe this is how I’d eat it on a full moon LOL
@halfling @Ignorant @mehcuda67 @nommynoms @stolicat
You all know the origin of that photo?
It is a Justin Bieber look-alike photographed eating a burrito the “wrong” way, posted online to intentionally trigger an internet freak-out about the way Bieber eats burritos. And it worked - the internet blew up over it.
This is the world we live in.
@DennisG2014 I do.
@DennisG2014 @halfling @Ignorant @mehcuda67 @nommynoms that’s what Justin Bieber looks like? I’m more worried about my pop-culture inadequacy than how he eats his burrito.
So I think I understand…
You take a perfectly good burrito and convert it into a dumpster burrito before you eat it?
@2many2no n-no–… i mean… I guess…
You do you, except if you’re trying to eat your burrito with your feet, then all bets are off. But seriously, maybe consider ordering nachos instead.
@LaVikinga not the same!!! soggy tortilla chips =/= soft flour tortilla!
@halfling Well, they’ll soften up if you let them sit long enough.
We all have our special food quirks. I like Heinz dill pickles and small curd cottage cheese on rare occasions (and I’m not a fan of cottage cheese). It’s a holdover from weird cravings during a pregnancy. I like to eat Cape Cod potato chips with New York style potato salad (and I wonder why my jeans don’t fit). If served mashed potatoes with gravy, I’ll eat around the “gravy lake” to see how long I can keep the potato “dam” intact before it collapses and floods all the peasants. I mean, peas.
@halfling @LaVikinga Clearly, some have more special food quirks than others…
ಠ_ಠ
@halfling @LaVikinga that sounds like fun - I’ll remember that come mashed potato time …
@halfling @LaVikinga Definitely used to do the “gravy lake” thing as a kid. Actually I still do it, but it’s more on the down-low. No sense in wasting a perfectly executed gravy lake.