No Regrets

On August 7th, 2017, Meh user blaiwes commented: “Finally something worth buying.” The something to which he referred was a Winix 4-Stage HEPA Air Cleaner with PlasmaWave. To this day, he does not regret his purchase. The Winix has served him well. He takes a deep breath to fill his lungs with that pure clean air…

But the air is thick and recycled. Because he’s not at home. He’s in his minivan, stuck in traffic.

“They’re selling another Winix air cleaner on Meh today.”

That’s his son, in the passenger seat, looking at his phone. His other three sons sit in the back. When he found out he would be the father to quadruplets, blaiwes thought it was a miracle. When his quadruplets decided to form a string quartet, blaiwes thought it was cute. When their string quartet began winning awards, blaiwes was proud. When the awards meant traveling further and further to perform, blaiwes grew frustrated.

“It looks much cooler than ours,” his son says.

Traffic at a stand still, blaiwes steals a glance at the phone. It’s true. This Winix does look a little nicer. The aggressive grating of his model has been replaced by a series of tiny circular holes, growing smaller on their way up the Winix’s face, giving the impression of shading. It calls to mind Seurat, but still blaiwes will not regret his purchase. No, his Winix has been fine, and besides he’s a practical man. He’s not about to fork over a bunch of extra money just for something that looks pretty.

“And it’s cheaper,” says his son.

In the driver’s seat, blaiwes winces.

“It’s a model made specifically for Costco,” his son goes on, “but it has a lot of the same features as ours. It’s pretty close to the same size. It takes care of pollen, mold spores, dust, pet dander, microbes, and smoke. It’s got PlasmaWave technology.”

“True HEPA?” blaiwes mumbles.

“Totally,” his son says.

When the other Winix had appeared on Meh in August, it had been like a mirage. Finally, something blaiwes could use: an air purifier. But now that summer seems so long ago. So so long ago.

That’s it! His eyes go wide and he has to grip the steering wheel tightly to keep himself from honking the horn.

“Have you been breathing well?” blaiwes asks his son.

“What? Sure, I guess.”

He looks in the mirror, at his three other sons. “And you all? Breathing okay? At home, I mean.”

They shrug but eventually each of them nods.

A wave of relief washes over blaiwes. So what if his own Winix is not as attractive as the one selling today? So what if it cost a few more dollars? A small price to pay for his boys to breath easy!

His happiness lasts only a few moments, as the boys, realizing they’re going to be late, begin to tune their instruments in the van.