Vestia Wine Saver Starter Kit With 3 Stoppers
- Suck the oxidizing air out of your open wine bottles to keep them drinkable longer
- Save up to 3 bottles at once (or an infinite number if you buy infinity more stoppers)
- Convince others that you are a person who cares about the finer things
- Powered by 2 AAA batteries (not included) (apologies to those who bought a billion AA batteries yesterday)
- Model: VS-WSVRFP-BK4PK, VS-WSVRLD-BK3PK (We can get as far as “VeStia-WineStopper” in this acronym, but it then devolves into sound and fury. “Vinously Recharging Lid Discharger”? “Very Redoubtable Lees Decanter”?)
The Wine Of The Beholder
Enjoying wine is all about perception. Some of that is the actual perception of the flavors and aromas of the wine. The rest is the more subjective perception of the winery brand and the setting in which it is consumed.
This Vestia wine saver kit will improve your perception, in part by improving the actual flavor of opened wine, but mostly by improving your perception of yourself as someone who leaves some wine in the bottle.
“Yes,” you’ll tell yourself, “I am a refined wine connoisseur now. I don’t let my wine oxidize after I’ve opened it. And I certainly don’t empty every bottle I open while watching “The Great British Baking Show” by myself.”
You see — perception.
And even if you can’t in fact open a bottle of wine without downing the whole thing, you’ll appear to others like someone who does. Why would you own such a fancy wine vacuum, after all, if you weren’t in the regular habit of uncorking a bottle, pouring yourself a modest glass, and then storing it for future responsible use? You would never have plunked down the 50 or so dollars such a thing must cost.
That’s another way you can distort others’ perception of you: By convincing them that you’re the type to afford expensive wine apparatuses, not a hand-to-mouth-living Meh regular. You won’t have to tell the attendees of your New Year’s Gala that you bought this thing from a slightly discreditable deal-a-day site.
“What New Year’s Gala?” You may ask. “I’m planning to spend December 31st alone on my couch binge-watching ‘Zumbo’s Just Desserts’ (having by then exhausted my supply of ‘The Great British Baking Show’).”
Have you learned nothing? All you need to do is tell people you’re hosting a New Year’s Gala, and they’ll believe you. The fact that they’re not invited to your Gala will only redound to its (and your) mystique.
Perception.
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