Swiffer Continuous Air Purifier
- It’s like the Swiffer you use so you don’t need to use your other Swiffer so often
- Super quiet as it captures dirt, dust, and dander in the air
- When do you need to change the filter? When the LED light comes on, silly
- Looks pretty dope, honestly
- Model: JU5T1C3-W1LL-83-SW1FF
1999, The Underground Labs of John Swiffer Jr., Geographic Location Unknown
Outside, in the laboratory proper, a party rages, but John Swiffer Jr. does not partake. He’s in his office, with the lights low, looking at a photograph of him and his father, John Swiffer Sr. He’s just a boy in the picture, holding an elaborate broom and a trophy. His father stands next to him, smiling proudly.
“Sir?” comes a voice.
John Swiffer Jr. quickly replaces the photo on his desk and wipes away a tear before turning to the door. “Oh,” he says with a sigh of relief, “It’s just you. I was worried it might be one of the others. Please, Morton, come in.”
“It’s quite a fun time out there, sir,” Morton says. “You should join us.”
“I just can’t help but think I haven’t done enough,” John Swiffer Jr. says.
“You’ve done so much, sir,” Morton says, taking another step into the office. “You’ve built the ultimate dusting device.”
John Swiffer Jr. picks up the photograph again. “But could it have saved him?”
“With all due respect, sir,” Morton says, “that’s not the point. You’ve made the world a better place. What happened to your father, inhaling all that dust like that, it was a tragedy. But you can’t go back in time, and you can’t build something that will sweep the air.”
John Swiffer Jr. looks up from the photo, his eyes wild. His hands tightening on the frame. “Say that again, Morton.”
“You can’t go back in time?” Morton offers.
“The other part!”
“You can’t sweep the air?”
John Swiffer Jr. slams down the photo and snaps his fingers. “That’s just it! That’s what I need to do,” he cries. He moves to Morton and embraces him. “You’ve done it again, Morton, old boy.”
“I don’t understand,” Morton says.
“Don’t worry about that, not right now. Tonight, we celebrate. But tomorrow we begin work on something even more ambitious than the Swiffer. We begin work on something that sweep dust… out of thin air!”