Spirit Linen 6-Piece Ultra Soft Sheet Sets
- Tired of sleeping on a bare mattress? These should help!
- You got the bottom sheet part, the top sheet part, and the pillow holder parts
- Very soft, eco-friendly, hypoallergenic, breathable, wrinkle-free, etc.
- Choose a color, duh
- Model: TH3-5H33T-H1T-TH3-F4N
The CEO of the sheet company was sitting at his desk studying some numbers when Doctor Killian arrived.
“Doctor!” cried the CEO, standing and shaking the man’s hand. “It’s so great to see you. How’s progress?”
“Progress is good, Frank.” Doctor Killian said. “In fact, I’m finished.”
The CEO was surprised to hear this. “Really?” he said, settling back into his seat. He gestured to one of the chairs in a corner. “Please, sit down and talk to me. You’re really all done with the sheet prototypes?”
Doctor Killian maneuvered a chair closer to the CEO’s desk and sat. “Completely done.”
“That’s fantastic” the CEO asked. “And are they soft?”
“Unimaginably soft,” Doctor Killian said, “just like you requested.”
“Excellent, excellent,” said the CEO. “Did you bring them with you?”
“Oh, heavens no! I couldn’t possibly do that! But I do have this.” Doctor Killian removed a piece of paper from his pocket and handed it to the CEO.
“What am I looking at?” the CEO asked, perplexed.
“Calculations!” Doctor Killian said. “This is how I opened the portal!”
“The portal,” the CEO repeated.
“Yes, the portal!” Doctor Killian said. “You see, I began to think, if we live in this universe of things with some soft surfaces but also many jagged edges, then there is likely another universe out there wherein everything is purely soft. Using that formula you hold, I was able to find such a place. Then, with my knowledge of quantum mechanics, I constructed the necessary materials. Basically, the ‘sheet set’ is comprised of two flat expanses. If you lay one piece upon the other–much in the way that you’d lay a top sheet over the sheet that covers the mattress–it opens a door to this fuzzy, edge-less universe!”
“Huh,” said the CEO. “And it’s soft?”
“So soft,” Doctor Killian said. “In fact, the human body is not ready for such softness, so the sensation is one of pure fire.”
“‘Pure fire’ like the kids mean it?” said the CEO.
Doctor Killian shook his head. “‘Pure fire’ in that it feels like burning. Seriously, Frank! It’s just what you wanted!”
“It is?” the CEO said.
“Absolutely,” Doctor Killian said. “These sheets are unimaginably soft, just like you requested. As in, truly, no one could possibly ever imagine such fiery hot softness.”
“See, I think maybe there’s been a bit of a misunderstanding,” the CEO said, leaning back in his chair. “When I hired you, a noted textile scientist, and told you I wanted something ‘unimaginably soft,’ I didn’t actually mean I wanted a level of softness that the human mind could not comprehend.”
“You didn’t?” Doctor Killian said.
“No,” said the CEO. “I just meant, like, I wanted some very soft sheets. Something that’s breathable, wrinkle-free, and extremely comfortable.”
“Oh,” Doctor Killian said.
“You think you could go back to the lab, so to speak,” said the CEO, “mess with the pockets, make something cozy?”
“Sure, sure, that should be simple enough. I’ll get right on it,” Doctor Killian said, rising. At the door, though, he turned. “There is one thing, Frank…”
“Yes?” the CEO said.
“Oh, nothing, never mind,” Doctor Killian said, because really, he didn’t want to worry the man. And besides, what could the CEO suggest that the Doctor hadn’t already tried? No, Doctor Killian wouldn’t burden anyone else with this. He himself would have to close the portal, and he himself would have to figure out what to do with the howling creatures that had emerged from it.