You're not going to buy these knives.

We’re sending this via FedEx 2-Day Air, so you will get it by December 24.

Most of you don’t care about good knives at all. All this talk about their VG-10 “super steel” blades means no more to you than theological speculation about how many angels can dance on their D-shaped pakka wood handles. If you must buy a knife, you’ll take whatever’s cheap down at the Dollar Bucket. You’d just as soon microwave all your meals at 7-11 anyway. You won’t be buying this knife set.

Maybe you do appreciate the difference a good knife can make. Maybe your idea of fun is cooking in your kitchen rather than slouching on your couch. You know that a badass chef’s knife, a serrated bread knife, and a versatile paring knife are the only kitchen knives you’ll ever need. You know that eighty bucks a knife is worth the time and aggravation you’ll save over the next decade or two. Ingredients will surrender without a fight. Food will literally taste better. Life will be sweeter and more savory. But none of that matters because you don’t have any money. You won’t be buying this knife set.

Or maybe you appreciate a high quality knife, and you have money to spend, and you’re not afraid to spend it to outfit your kitchen. Uh, in which case, you already bought knives this good a long time ago. You might have paid too much. But you’re not in the market for redundant knives, even at a discount. Maybe as a gift… but jeez, even at this discount, that’s pretty pricey for a gift. Probably the only person you might spend that much on is the person who already lives with you and has access to the aforementioned good knives. You won’t be buying this knife set.

But what about… no, wait, that’s everybody. So what the hell are we selling these for?