Shark Rocket Handheld Vacuum (Refurbished)

  • A corded hand vacuum that sucks as hard as a floor vacuum
  • Easy to empty, clean, and wield intimidatingly in the event of a hyena encounter
  • Includes a motorized pet hair tool, a dusting brush, and a crevice tool for cleaning the yawning chasm that opened in your rumpus room
  • We sold a bunch of these last time, so ask around in the comments to see how people like 'em
  • A few colors to choose from because we live in a world where people have preferences as to the color of their vacuum
  • Model: HV292REF (Historians will look back on this period of model numbership as a thrilling, lawless time like the Wild West when basic principles such whether to include your brand name in the model number had not yet been codified)
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Shark Wars

Shoppers often want to get “as much appliance as they can afford,” and generally that means the biggest appliance they can afford – the biggest fridge, the biggest blender, the biggest vacuum, etc. However, as you may have heard, bigger ain’t always better. What you really want is the most powerful option in the smallest form factor.

Put another way: Full-sized vacuums are like Imperial Star Destroyers.

Powerful and imposing, yes, but what do they actually do? Certainly not destroy stars or other starships except other star destroyers.

Similarly, that $500 behemoth of a Bissell may have the power to suck up a full box of cat litter in 3 seconds, but when do you need that much suction? Also: Ew, why are you vacuuming your cat litter?

This Shark Rocket vacuum is agile yet powerful, like that most beloved of smuggling starships:

It may not be small enough to hide on the back of a standard vacuum, but you get the idea. It’s small, scrappy, and can clean your floors in less than 12 parquets. Yeah, that joke was pretty lame, but guess what?

This Shark vacuum isn’t cordless, so if you’re looking for portability and convenience above all else, search elsewhere. But watch out: Cordless vacuums are necessarily less powerful, which is fine if you’re cleaning up some crumbs but less fine if you’re sucking dog hair out of the coach fibers. Weaker cordless vacuums are like that most wretched of ships, the much-maligned Y-Wing.

Nobody wants that.

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