Clean Machine

PRODUCT COMPARISON: Shark MessMaster Wet/Dry Vacuum vs Lord Tidy, Master of the Mess

Shark MessMaster Wet/Dry Vacuum

Pros:

• Capable of cleaning up wet and dry messes
• Includes a variety of accessories
• Rinses itself in seconds
• AnyBag Technology allows you to line the bin with any plastic bag for really gnarly messes

Cons:

• Though it is self-cleaning, you still need to operate it
• Cannot house sit
• Very little musical ability

Lord Tidy, Master of the Mess

Pros:

• Cleans up any mess on his own, even when you’re not home
• Often recites poetry as he works
• Can be convinced to strum a lute on certain nights
• Is able to house sit while you’re away
• Disposes of all mess-related refuse himself, claiming, “Tis a lord’s duty, m’lady, to see to the eradication of any potential malingerers”

Cons:

• Though he bathes himself, he will expect you to wash all of his robes (and there are PLENTY)
• If you begin a question “Do you” or “Will you,” he’ll act as if he doesn’t understand; all inquiries must be phrased “Whilst thou” or “Dost thou”
• Despite being a “master of mess,” he sure does leave a lot of goblets around
• Same goes for turkey leg bones
• The housesitting is nice and all, but when you come home from vacation, you may find that he has mobilized your cats and attempted to annex the neighbor’s house in the name of cleanliness

Conclusion: While Lord Tidy, Master of Messes, will be an appealing option due to his self-guided work, he ultimately creates more problems than he solves. For this reason, we recommend the Shark MessMaster Wet/Dry Vacuum.