Pick-Your-32-Pack: Frooze Balls Vegan Energy Balls
Amazon price: $0.45/ball
Meh price: $0.15/ball
- You get 32 bags with 5 balls each. That’s 160 balls!
- They’re vegan, dairy-free, gluten-free, and certified non-GMO
- Made with dates, nut butters and real fruit - no added sugar or funny stuff
- Also, they taste good
- Best-by dates ranging from 6/21/24 to 8/12/24
- Can they make a margarita: No, but you could cut them into wedges and use one as a garnish for some sort of awful ‘vegan White Russian’ perhaps
May the Frooze Be With You
On the one hand, they’re vegan, dairy-free, gluten-free, certified non-GMO, and they serve up a filling dose of decadent-tasting plant-based protein with only 130 calories per serving (2 balls). Also, all the ingredients are things you’ve heard of before. So, that’s pretty good, right?
On the other hand, they’re called Frooze Balls.
But, back on the positive side, people seem to really like these. They’ve earned a rating of 4.1 out of 5 based on more than 3,400 reviews over on Amazon. And that’s taking into account a much higher price. Seriously, this many would cost between $72 and $76 over there. Here, it’s just $24.
But again, they’re called Frooze Balls.
Now, unfortunately, this isn’t a case where a product has a stupid name but you won’t see it unless you squint. It’s right there on every bag, in huge letters: FROOZE BALLS. And yes, this–along with the best-by dates (ranging from 6/21/24 to 8/12/24)–is likely why we were able to get them for so cheap. But still… Frooze Balls.
So here’s what we propose:
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Buy these Frooze Balls.
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Buy a set of food-safe containers, like these ones for sale on SideDeal.
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Leave the Frooze Balls in the unassuming Meh box until garbage pick-up day, so that you can transfer them to the containers and discard the packages without risk of anyone seeing them in the trash. (Try and time it as close to pickup as possible, lest an early-morning dog walker spies the embarrassingly branded refuse while looking for a place to deposit their poop bag.)
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Eat the Frooze Balls directly out of a container, and whenever anyone asks you, “What are those things?” say, “Oh, just a vegan snack I bought online.”
Is this all a bit ridiculous and over the top? Sure. Then again, so is the name ‘Frooze Balls.’
But you should still buy them.