Hole In Some

Transcript // The Golf Radio Network // 9/8/2025

After three straight holes-in-one, the man atop the leaderboard, Chad Forger, finds himself for the first time all tournament on the green. This should be an interesting one for the twenty-three-year-old phenom out of Tallahassee, as he famously turned out a large sponsorship deal just last year with Perfect Practice Collegiate Putting Mats, stating definitively that to practice putting was stupid.

So, let’s take a look.

Here he goes.

About to putt.

Oh wow, he shanked it. He shanked it really bad. Dear god, the ball is flying over the heads of the aghast crowd of onlookers. Now, it appears to be pin-balling off of several branches in the trees at the course’s edge. Oh no, here it comes, flying back at a high speed.

Ouch. It hit Chad Forger right in the eye, but has not come to a stop yet. It bounced off with great force, soaring, once again, over the crowd, into the forest, off of the branches, and back, this time striking Chad Forger in the other eye.

Both eyes appear to be swollen shut now. He’s lining up to try a second putt, but without being able to see, he doesn’t realize he’s facing away from the hole. Oh wow, shanked again, this time straight into his caddie’s eye, which has now also swollen shut, and then into the pocket of the club bag where Chad Forger’s phone is kept.

Now, folks, it’s impossible to explain how this has happened or how I was able to observe it, but I can say with some certainty that the ball managed to bounce around in the perfect sequence to unlock the phone, navigate to his Letterboxd account, and leave a very favorable, public-facing review of Kraven The Hunter. Oh dear, not only does the review praise the movie’s story and writing, but it ends with: “Beautiful and visually stunning!” Unfortunate.

This review is spreading like wildfire on social media.

Meanwhile, the ball has somehow flown out of the pocket the phone was in and hit the caddie in the other eye. Neither golfer nor caddie can see now. And it appears the caddie is pulling out a wedge for Chad Forger to putt with.

Oh no, he’s hit it straight into the crowd, knocking it into the hands of a man making balloon animals for children. The strike of the ball has caused the man to falter and make a balloon dog rather than a balloon cat for one child, despite the child’s father strictly restricting any dog-like shapes, due to a traumatic experience the child went through a few years earlier involving a malamute of ill temperament. The father is angry. He’s squared up to fist-fight the balloon animal artist, but he doesn’t seem to realize the balloon animal artist is a man who makes a living with his hands. He’s no slouch in the fighting department, is what I’m saying. This could get ugly.

Others have attempted to restrain them, resulting in more of the crowd being pulled into the fight. Oh wow, it’s an all-out brawl among the onlookers, and Chad Forger is attempting another putt, this time using a pickleball paddle his caddie just handed him. Why do they even have that? And how does he not feel that it isn’t a golf club?

Gosh, what a terrible turn of events. And to think, it could’ve been avoided if Chad Forger had just practiced putting.