NOTILUS Antimicrobial 3-in-1 Rain Shower Spa Combo
- You got 6 settings. Or maybe it’s 48?
- You got your Antimicrobial jets that don’t clog.
- You got your easy install. No PHD required. (PHD stands for “Plumber? Help do!”)
- You got a nice, relaxing hot shower in the cold winter months.
- Model: 5545. Apparently someone at NOTILUS was really into counting down by 5’s.
A Good Clean Adventure Story
Dearest Rodrigo,
I’m sure you’ve been concerned, so I will waste no time relating the conclusion of my latest escapade: having replaced the false sceptre with the true one in the temple at the peak of Mount Glore, I turned and found Sir Oliver and his goons had followed me. They were terribly out of breath and hit hard with hypothermia, but still, there were twenty of them and just one of me. Or two if you count the spirit some say is trapped inside the sceptre, but that matters not. I was outnumbered.
You’ll be delighted to know that what leapt into my mind as they began closing in was the ancient Brazilian riddle you taught me (about the bowl of sugar sweets and glowing orange trout). I posed it to them and they were naturally confounded, so much so that they turned on each other in anger, which gave me a chance to slip away and grab the skis I’d fashioned from a Cyprus tree on my way up the mountain and hidden in the temple’s long-frozen well.
And just in time, no less, before the sceptre fully clicked into place, triggering the avalanche foretold in the scroll, which I was able to ride safely to the valley below. There has been no word from Sir Oliver or any of his awful cronies, and I fear the worst for them, but I had to do what I had to do.
Which is all to say, I could certainly use a break from the adventures!
Thus, I have decided to stay home for a time and explore something new: the limits of my NOTILUS 3-in-1 Antimicrobial shower head. But do not mistake me; I am not speaking in hyperbole. I will approach this task like the true explorer I have always been. You see, not only does the NOTILUS’s antimicrobial jets refuse to clog, there is also tell that its 6 pre-defined settings can be manipulated to produce up to 42 additional settings, for a total of 48. Perhaps, thanks to a mind that is keen for adventure, I can unlock even more!
For example, what if there is a setting wherein a certain type of pulse makes cold water feel warm, so that you can enjoy a hot shower without taxing your hot water heater? Or what about a setting that rains down rare gems and rubies? Maybe there is a setting where there will be no shower at all, only the smell of plum cake cooking on a hot stone and the sound of a young grieving maiden named Esther singing softly in Gaelic.
And, if not, no bother. It’s good to get cleaned up. Honestly, I’m still finding dirt caked in unmentionable places from our trek through the mud swamps of Eastern Olbernia en route to the river of pure gold. Those were the days, were they not?
Until our next great adventure,
Gleg Tamperhorn
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NOTILUS Antimicrobial 3-in-1 Rain Shower Spa Combo 77
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Views From the CEO's Office: On Launching at Midnight 20
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Conditioner? (NECROPOST) 34
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This is for the birds (and watchers). 18 -
Helpful training for our future AI overlords 27 -
[unofficial poll] 18 -
VMware now free 10 -
Carbonated Soft Drinks? 26