Meh Farm to Table Bundle: Apron, Knife, Roaster & Thermometer
- Models: EKLT-1611 (Roaster), ET447/ET491 (Thermometer), RMK-MC12 (Knife), Meh Apron
- Hey, most of you will probably get this by Thanksgiving. Some of you might not. Plan the holiday around this bundle at your own risk.
- Really, this is a pretty nice nonstick carbon-steel roasting pan and removable roasting rack, plus a bunch of junk
- Chicken or turkey thermometer (our choice) makes a disquieting animal squawk when bird is fully cooked
- Apron bears logo of obscure grey-market online fencer of goods
- You could just buy the apron by itself if you’re a VMP member or if you join today
- Knife sucks
Just Add Fire
This season, you’re gonna feast like a caveman. First, sneak into a farm. Find, stalk, and capture the animal (chicken or turkey) that matches the novelty thermometer. No, you don’t get to choose which one. Did the cavemen get to choose which animals they could catch? Then, use the knife to butcher it. Smear its blood all over your torso as a gesture of thanks to the Spirit in the Sky, so that when you die and they lay you to rest, you’re gonna go to the place that’s the best.
Now put on the Meh logo apron (which is kind of the bison-skin loincloth of today) and dance around the fire (not included). Roast your prey in the nonstick carbon-steel Ecolution High Dome Roasting Pan, which includes a removable roasting rack like those unearthed in Cro-Magnon sites across Europe. Eat with the gusto of a man who has bent nature to his will, who has seized his sustenance from the wild country by muscle and sinew and cheap, crappy knife. Belly full, you roar with primal triumph into the savage night.
Come on.
Here’s what’ll really happen. You’ll give the knife away in some white-elephant exchange because it’s so crappy, it’s only good as a gag gift. The novelty thermometer will wind up in the junk drawer where things like novelty thermometers go to die. You’ll take the roasting pan to your big family dinner, have a few too many Bud Ices because you’re not used to drinking such crappy beer but it’s what your uncle always brings for some reason, and forget all about the roaster forever.
That leaves the apron. Which you could also buy on its own if you’re a member of our Very Mediocre People program, or if you join as you buy the apron. Five bucks a month gets you free shipping on all your Meh orders, plus other super-special surprises, like the chance to buy luxurious logo-branded aprons.
As for the rest of the stuff in this bundle, think of it the way your uncle talks about that Bud Ice on his way to the bathroom: “You only rent it, right?” You will have spent eighteen bucks and have pretty much nothing to show for it. And isn’t that what the holidays are all about?
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Meh Farm to Table Bundle: Apron, Knife, Roaster & Thermometer 125
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Drinking Terrible with Meh: The Yellow-Belly 77
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Be honest: how will you fare after the apocalypse? 38
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How embarrassing for you. 20 -
Are you a "meth" addict? 15 -
Theme song won't stop playing on my phone 9 -
[Thanksgiving] Who gets their turkey from somewhere that’s not a grocery store? 31 -
Noms de Parm: Shoddy Goods 017 7