A Brief History of Power

First came batteries.

Well, actually first came electricity, and before that there were a number of other ways to power stuff, but we’re going to start with batteries, because we’re specifically talking about portable electricity.

So again, first came batteries. And people were like, “Hey, these are cool and all, but my Gameboy eats these things like they’re orange Tic-Tacs and I can’t be going to the store every other day.”

And the battery makers were like, “We totally get you,” and made rechargeable batteries. Which was fine for a little while, but eventually people were like, “Sure, these are better than the kind that don’t recharge, but what’s with all the steps? I take them out when they die, I put them in the thing, they charge overnight, I take them out of the thing, I put them back in the other thing, and the process starts all over. They’re bound to get lost somewhere along the way!”

In response, companies were like, “We feel you. How about this: we’ll just put the battery straight in the stuff we’re making–like phones and tablets–and you can plug the whole thing in rather than taking the batteries out.” And this seemed like a solution, but still people got upset. “We plug it in, But then we need it for a recipe. So we unplug it, and we find the recipe. Only problem is, if we forget to plug it in after, it dies, and we miss important, potentially life-changing texts. That sucks!”

That prompted charger people to be like, “What about a little pad? You just set your phone down on it and it charges it. That way, if you pick your phone back up for a minute, it’s no biggie, because you don’t have to ‘remember’ to plug it back in. You just place it on a flat surface and, viola! The power is flowing once more!” And people were like, “Sure, dope. But also, WTF? You think we just have unlimited space on all our end tables for bunch of whole-ass pads that do nothing but charge stuff?”

And so iHome came along and was like, “Check it: it’s a lamp whose base is a charging pad. Also, there’s a USB port if your phone is way old and not Qi-enabled.” And people were like, “Wow, that solves the problem for sure. But what if you took that tech and made a whole house out of it? That way, if you wanted to charge your phone, you could just put it anywhere!”

And iHome was like, “Uh, excuse us? Who do you think we are? Makers of convenient lamps and other tech, or a construction company?” And people were silent. And iHome was like, “It wasn’t a rhetorical question, bro. Answer us.” And people hung their heads and mumbled, “Makers of convenient lamps and other tech.” And iHome was like, “We couldn’t hear you. Speak up.” And people shouted, “Makers of convenient lamps and other tech!” And iHome was like, “That’s right.”

And sure, maybe things didn’t happen exactly like that, but it gets the point across. Which is that this is the culmination of years and years worth of technological advances, and is therefore very cool. So you should buy one.