What kind of fan fan are you?

Without exception, everyone on Earth loves figurine fans! These whimsical fans, fashioned to look like animals, plants, people, and even animals, have captured the hearts and lungs of all people everywhere. That why there are so many results for a Google image search for “figurine fan”. But where do you fit in to the rich ecosystem of the fanthusiast community? Take this quiz and find out, because “I’m not a fan” is not an option!

1. This dog fan is:
a) Simply delightful!
b) Excellent because, in keeping with classical figurine fan style, the fan is integrated into the body of the figurine, and not merely attached to an unrelated figure.
c) Cute but deadly in a closed room.
d) Kinda cheesy.

2. Why do you think this frog is smiling?
a) Because it’s adorable and it knows it!
b) Because it’s getting away with a blatant swindle in claiming to be a figurine fan when the fan is merely attached to an unrelated figure, not integrated into the body of the figurine. And it knows that the great herd of so-called figurine fan fans are too stupid to know any better.
c) Because it’s trying to kill me.
d) Because a dopey grin will sell more figurine fans to the kind of people who buy these.

3. The sight of this eagle fan makes you feel:
a) Pride!
b) Approval that the fan is integrated into the body of the figurine, and not merely attached to an unrelated figure.
c) A mixture of happiness and dread.
d) Like some people will buy anything.

4. What is this fan supposed to be?
a) A sweet little penguin wearing a scarf, silly!
b) Whatever it’s supposed to be, it’s good, because the fan is integrated into the body of the figurine, and not merely attached to an unrelated figure.
c) The irresistibly charming instrument of my doom.
d) I dunno, Grimace in blackface?

If you answered mostly…

a, you’re a Fan Fanboi or Fangirl. You love any fan that’s, like, some other thing but also a fan. Your uncritical, indiscriminate enthusiasm for figurine fans makes you the heart of the hobby!

b, you’re a Purist Fan Fan. For you, either a fan is integrated into the body of the figurine, and not merely attached to an unrelated figure, or it’s garbage. Keep fighting the, we guess, good fight!

c, you’re a Fan Death Fan. Your heart says figurine fans are fun, but your brain says you might die because the fan “chops up the oxygen atoms” or some bullshit like that. Fortunately, fan death isn’t real, so you’re free to enjoy figurine fans without mortal terror!

d, you’re a Cynical Fan Fan. You hide your obvious love for figurine fans under a mask of dismissive skepticism. You might possibly not even own a single figurine fan. But you can’t fool us! You’re a figurine fan fan whether you like it or not! There is no escape!