Rest Easy, Frightened Poodle

If your dog is a neurotic mess and gets scared by thunder or fireworks or whatever, you can get him an embarrassing padded vest that hugs his panic-stricken dog body tight and puts him at ease.

Then you can sit and look at man’s best friend there on the sofa, wearing a therapeutic anxiety shirt, and think about how this animal descended from wolves that once stalked their prey through the fiercest of nights and probably weren’t brought to their knees by noisy storm clouds while hiding ineffectually behind a Live, Laugh, Love throw pillow.

Except honestly, as much as we’d like to continue making fun of this theoretical stressed-out golden doodle, after this last year it kind of feels like we’re all that anxious dog—strung out humans in need of a thunder shirt.

Well, they don’t seem to make thunder shirts for humans, but today’s deal just might be the next best thing. It’s a weighted blanket.

If you aren’t familiar with weighted blankets, they feel like any other (delightfully fuzzy) blanket if that blanket decided to give you a hug after you got under it.

Fifteen pounds is a nice, substantial weight that will make you acutely aware of every square inch of firm, even pressure as it compresses you beneath it like the anxious puppy we have all become.

Sure, you could have a person hug you, but at this point, other people have their own problems to worry about. Plus even the most emotionally available companion isn’t going to be able to wrap themselves firmly yet motionlessly around you while you watch two consecutive seasons of psychologically necessary garbage television.

Either way, it’s time to get unapologetically cozy.