A Lean, Mean Cleaning Machine

At this point, robot vacuum cleaners are pretty much common enough that we don’t need to explain much about them. But still, some of you out there might have some questions. So we’ve put together this quick FAQ.

Here goes:

Can this EcoVacs Deebot clean up my already busted bracket?

Ha! We wish it could! But unfortunately, no. It can, however, clean your home or apartment thanks to its 2600Pa suction that can pull up dirt and grit hidden deep within your carpets and in the microscopic crevices between the boards of your hardwood floors.

Can it clean up my past, namely that time last Saturday when, in a desperate attempt to make back the money I owed Slimy Rick, I put all my savings into a high buy-in tournament pool and had BYU beating Wagner in the title game?

Um, no. But it can mop! And when it’s doing so, it will automatically avoid carpets!

Can it clean up my decision making, so that in the future, if I ever set out on a project such as this most recent one–a Three Musketeers-themed Vietnamese-inspired burger shop, All Pho Bun & Bun Pho All–I will see Slimy Rick as the sole willing investor and understand this not to be a blessing but rather an indication that the project is destined to fail, placing me in a world of potential trouble?

Huh. No again. But it can empty itself after cleaning and is compatible with Alexa. Say, friend, are you okay?

Depends on your answer to this next question. Can it be programmed to activate a moments notice so as to trip members of the Spook Squad, a cadre of Slimy Rick’s goons known as such for their ability to enter a room as quietly as a ghost and then act with a frightening lack of remorse while employing some truly depraved debt collection techniques?

No, but it does feature TrueMapping laser technology. You know, maybe you need to get out of town for a little while.

But where could go that Slimy Rick wouldn’t find me?

A good question. And unfortunately, the answer is nowhere. Because the Spook Squad… is already in your house.

Anyway, we hope this helps you make a well-informed purchasing decision!