Accrual Fact

You accrue lots of various bullshit.

How do we know that? Because you’re here, on our site, where we sell various bullshit for people to accrue. In fact, our signature product is itself a bunch of various bullshit placed in a box and given a self-deprecating name. And whenever we offer it, you all accrue it so fast that it sells out in minutes.

Thus, based on the fact that you’re here, in the hunt for some new various bullshit to accrue, we can conjecture that, upon seeing what we’re selling today, you thought: oh, cool! There’s a cart with a bunch of compartments in which I can place the various bullshit I’ve accrued from Meh and a number of other stores and sites.

In which case, this is a thoughtful thing to sell, right? You’ve got a problem–accruing various bullshit–and we’re providing a solution–a thing for storage of your various accrued bullshit.

Then again, this problem with accruing various bullshit? It’s likely a problem you have because of us. If we were not here, day after day, pedaling various bullshit for you to accrue, would you have accrued the sheer volume of various bullshit you’ve accrued over the course of your adult life? It’s possible, sure, but the point is, we haven’t exactly helped you kick the habit of accruing various bullshit.

Furthermore, there’s really only one way to kick your habit of accruing various bullshit: by looking around at all the various bullshit you’ve accrued and thinking, How the hell did I accrue all this various bullshit? This thing? It hides your various accrued bullshit in color-coded drawers, keeping it out of sight and out of mind, meaning you’ll have a harder time confronting your habit of accruing various bullshit.

And sure, the color-coded-ness means you could use it to organize your various accrued bullshit (which, arguably, would make it no longer ‘various accrued bullshit’ but rather ‘collected and ordered items of various importance’). But you could also just put your various accrued bullshit into the various colored drawers willy-nilly, and no one would know, because, again, this thing hides various accrued bullshit.

In conclusion, if you buy this, you will continue to accrue various bullshit, perhaps at an even greater rate than before.

So, uhh, we think you should get it.