Contigo 16oz West Loop Autoseal Travel Mug
- Keeps coffee hot for a long time - sometimes too long, maybe
- Hand-washing recommended for the cup
- Lid is dishwasher safe, but has lots of little crevices and crannies, so you’ll want to clean it with a brush or something sometimes
- Mysteriously has over 3700 5-star reviews on Amazon - probably Illuminati or Mafia related
My cup whelmeth under. (Like a cup should.)
Have you heard about the amazing things they’re doing with cups these days? Like that $199 cup that can tell you what you just poured into it? You’ll never need to think about what’s in your cup again! Imagine all the amazing thoughts you can have, once you’re free to just fill your cup with whatever and let Vessyl worry about it! That’s some next-level cupping!
But we can hear the grumbling of you Luddites out there right now. “All’s I wants is a reg’lar cup! I don’t need no fancy molecular analyzer tellin’ me what I’m puttin’ in my body! And I sure as shootin’ ain’t gonna pay two hundred smackers fer it! Nah git off’n my land afore I fills ya full o’ buckshot like I did them revenuers!”
You people, with your antiquated belief in human capabilities and your hidebound skepticism of excessively technological solutions to nonexistent problems. If Neanderthals like you had your way, we never would have had the Segway.
But fine. If you insist on drinking beverages the way Grampaw did, if you’re too ignorant to see the benefits of turning even the most mundane objects in your life into an expensive bundle of circuits, here you go. These insulated mugs will hold your drinks. They’ll keep them hot for a while and cold for a while longer. The AUTOSEAL lid seals between sips and is pretty good at preventing spills.
Worst of all, they only cost eight dollars. You’ll have to buy 25 of them to get the same level of conspicuous consumption you’d get by buying one Vessyl. Hope you’ve got a big desk.
