Keep the scream alive.

We’re all busy balancing our social lives, our family lives, our work lives, our school lives, our anonymously threatening celebrities on Twitter lives - who has time to wait for kettle-load of water to boil the old-fashioned way? amirite ppl?

No. iamrong. And if you’re more bothered by that stupid joke than by the fact that a whole generation of kids is growing up without hearing the whistle of a tea kettle, you’re part of the problem and we can’t be friends anymore.

Sure, it takes a little longer to heat up water in this Chantal Rise tea kettle than with the microwave. But the problem with life isn’t that things take time to do. It’s that so many things are so unpleasant to do. Heating a cup of water in the microwave is as tedious and lifeless as data entry. Heating water on the stove is a ritual, a ceremony, a primal dance of fire and water.

Not too primal in this case, though. The swoopy ergonomic handle has a trigger in it to open the spout. The asymmetrical design keeps your hand out of the steam when you’re pouring. And it doesn’t look that much like Hitler.

Science hadn’t figured out exactly how and why tea kettles whistle until - no shit - last year. Are we going to walk away from the tea kettle right when it’s starting to open up to us? Also, stove-boiled water is not associated with a drastic drop in male fertility. (We don’t have any evidence that microwaved water hurts reproductive potency - but can you prove it doesn’t?)

Best of all, when the water gets hot enough, this tea kettle wails like Celine Dion with Glee stuck in her throat. No cyberdroid beep-beep for this boilermaker. You’ll be keeping that whistle alive to hoot and hiss at future generations. Plus, have you seen the inside of your microwave lately? It’s probably really gross in there. But who has time to clean it? amirite ppl?