Bose QuietComfort 35 II Noise Cancelling Smart Wireless Bluetooth Headphones

  • Bose is a big name in audio
  • QuietComfort is probably one of their most well-known brands and most popular noise-cancelling models
  • Out of nearly 52,000 ratings on Amazon, they’ve got, like, 4.7 stars
  • How the f*** did we get our grubby hands on these?
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A Quiet Space

Gary tossed the black pair of headphones over to Kevin, who caught them as quietly as he could. The creature raised its head and started to look around. Not actually look, as it was blind, but move its ears to better locate the potential disturbance in the nearly silent ambience. Kevin looked down at the headphones with confusion, then looked back to Gary.

First he pantomimed putting them on, then he signed over to Kevin, “Put them on the monster!”

“How?” Kevin frantically signed back.

Gary glanced around the corner for a second, shrugged, and signed, “Get close to it?”

”How do you expect me to get close to it?” retorted Kevin clumsily with the headphones in hand.

Gary looked pensive for a moment, then raised a finger in a sort of “ah-ha” gesture. “Lure it here.”

Blinking twice, Kevin replied, ”Then what? Get on its back?”

Gary pantomimed tiptoeing up to the monster, holding his index finger to his mouth in a gesture of quiet. He then cartoonishly leaned, still on his tiptoes, and acted as though he was carefully sliding the headphones over its head.

Shaking off his sheer incredulity, he looked down at the headphones, then back at Gary. ”You’re sure this works?”

In an unrealistically curt series of gestures, Gary conveys pre-written advertising copy to the audience entirely through the subtitles: ”The Bose QuietComfort 35 II Noise Cancelling Smart Wireless Bluetooth Headphones continuously monitors and measures outside noise and then cancels it with the opposite signal. Plush ear cushions are manufactured from a synthetic protein leather, so it won’t even feel like you’re wearing headphones. The battery gives up to 20 hours of listening time, plenty of time for us to make an escape.”

Knowing the script ahead of time and not actually parsing any of what Gary said, Kevin immediately nods then signs, ”Okay. On three.”



Suddenly, Chuck Norris kicks in the door, wearing sunglasses and wielding a Bose portable speaker. As the creature charges him, he hits a button. The creature begins to flail wildly, grasping at its ear-things before crashing out a window.

As Gary and Kevin stare in silence, he boorishly blurts out in a jarring juxtaposition to the preceding eerie silence, “Hey, I just found out that you can disorient them by playing a super low frequency like whale noises.”


“Well shit,” remarks Kevin, “you’d think the second people realized they hunt based on sound that someone would’ve tried something like that.”

Gary speculates, “Maybe we just all assumed someone already did and it didn’t work?”

After a few seconds of awkward standing around while whale noises fill the background, Kevin lifts the headphones up. “I’m keeping these.”

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