Blendtec Total Blender Classic 560 with WildSide
- Presenting the Internet-famous Will It Blend? blender, like a rock star playing a secret after-hours club show
- 1560-watt, 3-horsepower motor is like having three horses blend your stuff
- The “WildSide” five-sided blender shunts ingredients back down into the blades rather than piling them up on the sides
- The heavy, blunt, 300 mph blade pulverizes rather than just slices, the better to blend you with, my dear
- A few of you might get the Blendtec 570, identical except for having ten more watts of power, so you’re welcome
- Model: C560A2301-A1AP1D (how does such a fine blender sport a hideously ugly model number fit for a Bass-O-Matic?)
'Til Death Do Us Blend
[title edit at 10:15am]
“Whoa, man. Sounds like a big commitment.” That’s what all my idiot friends said. “You sure you want to be tied down like that? You sure you can really be happy for the rest of your life knowing you can never play the field again?”
I tell them I have absolutely no doubts. No second thoughts. I want to spend the rest of my life with the Blendtec 560.
What else could some other blender offer me? From the moment I saw it on YouTube, I knew. I knew that was the last blender I would ever need. My love is as durable as that 1560-watt, 3-horsepower motor. The Blendtec 560 made me the happiest man on Earth, and I still feel that same thrill with every smoothie.
My idiot friends look at that huge list price on Amazon and can’t believe I would get myself into something like this. “You spend that much on a blender, you’re locked in, dude.” To them, a blender is something cheap, something you use for a while and throw away and move on to the next one. To me, a blender is forever.
They think the five-sided jar is weird - and then they wonder why their blenders pile up ingredients on the side, away from the blades. Those morons don’t understand the Blendtec’s broad, blunt blades - but they don’t know its 300 mile-per-hour whirring speed like I do, the way it pulverizes rather than just chops.
The price, the commitment: what my dumb friends don’t get is that when you really love a blender, really and truly, you’d happily pay ten times more. (Between you and me, though, I actually paid a lot less than they think. Just because you’re in love doesn’t mean you have to be stupid about it.)
