Bibb Home 6-Piece Bamboo from Rayon Sheet Set

  • Hide your terrible, hideous mattress
  • They look elegant
  • They feel super soft
  • You know, sheets
  • Model: 5H33T-H1T-TH3-F4N
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They're Sheets!

Hello, my name is Ferguson Marlane. I design the patterns on mattresses, and I live a miserable, unfulfilling life.

At bars, sociable strangers often ask, “What do you do for a living?” And I will tell them about my work: about the intricate stitches whose aura matches the mattress’s firmness, about choosing the color of the trim, about constructing visuals that must be noticeable enough to grab a shopper’s eye at the mattress store, yet subdued enough not to distract from the mattress’s utilitarian nature.

And each time, the response is the same: “Huh. I don’t think there is a design on my mattress.”

Which is not true. All mattresses involve design choices of some sort, even if that choice is to embrace absolute minimalism. Once, when my self-esteem was exceptionally low and I’d had a few too many glasses of wine, I challenged such a denier. “Take me to your home!” I cried. “Bring me to your bedroom! Once stripped, I will show you things you’ve never seen before!” The bar fell silent and I realized the double entendre of what I’d said. It didn’t matter how many times I tried to explain I was talking about mattress-related aesthetics. The bartender was steadfast in telling me I had to leave.

It was the second time I’d been kicked out of anywhere. The first was when I was told that, given my poor grades and lack of ambition, I would not be allowed to finish the program at the Randolph Institute of Textile Studies. When I eventually established myself in the mattress design industry, they invited me back to give a lecture. I thought they’d finally seen the error in their ways. When I arrived, though, it became clear that my visit was a sort of “scared straight” ordeal: inspiration for the students to work harder, lest they end up like me.

But with all of this being said, I do not begrudge you for looking at these sheets. They are simple. They are elegant. They are soft. They are comfortable. But most importantly, they are sheets, and sheets are what goes on a mattress. And while I may be bitter, I am not so delusional to think that my art is important enough to upset the natural order of things.

So buy yourself some. As for me, I better get back to work. There is a new Serta model coming out, and I need to draw little doily-looking things for each corner of it.

So far today...

  • 55505 of you visited.
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  • on this deal.

And you bought...

  • 927 of these.
  • Deal ended .
  • That’s $25575 total.
  • (including shipping)

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