Bēm Wrist Speaker

  • Use it to summon Siri, or Google Assistant, or whatever other imaginary slave does your bidding
  • Set an alarm, look up trivia, take and make calls, all those amazing feats your wrists never knew they were capable of
  • Take and make calls on it because the physical effort of taking your phone out of your pocket might slightly delay your progress toward total humans-in-Wall-E-style techno-decrepitude
  • Rechargeable battery lasts for up to 4 hours of talk time, but just plug it in every night and you’ll never have to worry about it
  • Big, bold look helps ward off normals who might assume you’re one of them
  • Model: HL2331 (just call it Hal for short)
see more product specs

We've spoken to the future and it is cheap.

Voice is the new fingers. Amazon’s got their Echo, Apple has their Siri, and now Google has their Home. Or, wait, do we mean Google Assistant? And what was Google Now? Whatever. All of them, in addition to having lame names, are big bets that soon we’re all going to want to talk to our devices instead of poking, swiping, and pinching them.

No expense is being spared to extend these virtual assistants into every corner of our digital and analog lives. They’ll make it all back anyway when we all have to buy thousands of dollars of new devices, equipment, and accessories to make the world safe for their profitable new paradigm.

Or you could spend eight bucks on this Bēm Wrist Speaker. No, it’s not a virtual assistant in and of itself. But as a simple speaker/microphone that connects via Bluetooth to your phone, you can use it to summon your phone’s aural genie just like the speaker and mic built into the phone.

For you Jetsons “smart home” types, we assume it also will work with whatever voice-control smart-home apps you might have on your phone, so you can order your curtains around and remind your can opener who’s boss and all that. But we’ll stop just short of making any promises on that score because testing it ourselves would be too much hassle. If it turns out not to work, chalk the eight dollars up to experience.

You can also make and take calls on it, listen to music through it, that kind of thing. The audio quality is less than sparkling, but it costs EIGHT DOLLARS and YOU WEAR IT ON YOUR WRIST. Lack of deep, resonant bass shouldn’t exactly be a world-shattering revelation.

Of course, it looks a little goofy. A lot goofy. But no goofier than holding your phone up to your mouth like the world’s least appetizing slice of pizza and asking an imaginary lady who played Jack Jeebs in Men in Black.

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  • (including shipping)

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