Say what?

You know what’s outrageous?

If this exact product were available through a doctor or whatever, it would cost like fifteen hundred bucks, easy. Because it turns out that when you leave the medical industrial complex to their own ends, they’ll eventually get lapped by basic consumer goods and you end up with a set of glorified AirPods that cost even more than regular AirPods, which—to be fair—are also exorbitantly priced (but in a fun, upscale consumer goods way instead of a predatory medical industry way).

So is this an impulse purchase? Not really. If you’ve been walking around for years not able to hear stuff, you probably haven’t been hanging out waiting for just the right offer from a website that also sells mall ninja knives and bags of actual nonsense (on special occasions of course). Or hell, maybe we’re wrong and you’re just taking a moral stand against medical price gouging with the minor bonus of not having to listen to that one Taylor Swift song every time you walk through the grocery store. Because we would respect the shit out of that.

But more likely it’s just that you buy devices like this from time to time and kind of know what works and what doesn’t, leaving you perfectly equipped to scoop up a deal and meet your own personal audio amplification needs for less than the several months of car payments this kind of thing would usually run you. And when we say this is legit, we really mean it. It even has a UV charging case to support ear hygiene, something that’s making us regular earbud wearers only just realize how gross they probably get when we never clean them.

It’s putting serious hardware in your hands for less. Isn’t that what snarky online retail is all about? Helping to temporarily dilute the ceaseless institutional suffering caused by a crooked and deeply problematic health care system?

Mostly no.

We’d rather sell rubber chickens and whatnot.

But today? Today, fight the power.