Preparations

The online shopper prepares for Black Friday.

Three days before Black Friday, the online shopper finds his trusty tent and sets it up in the garage, ensuring that each piece is still in the bag. When it is fully assembles he nods with some satisfaction at his handiwork.

“Good, I will need this,” he says to himself, “if I plan to go camping next summer.”

Then he disassembles his tent and places it back where it was, so it’s ready come camping season.

It is still early in the morning, but the online shopper has been standing in line for a long time. He clutches his find close to his chest because he can’t afford to lose it. It was the last one of its kind on the shelf. The store is hectic, terrifying.

When he finally arrives at the cashier, she scans his items. “Just the dinner rolls?” She says.

“Yes,” says the online shopper. “I can’t believe I forgot them. It’s so crazy here at the market on Thanksgiving morning.”

“Other stores will be worse tomorrow. You planning on going shopping?” asks cashier.

“Yes,” the online shopper says. “In a way.”

The online shopper has taken his warmest sweater, his thickest mittens, and his nicest winter hat from the attic. Because it’s getting colder out, and he wants to know where they are.

The online shopper finds a big nice blanket. He puts it on his bed.

The online shopper gets some camp chairs out. And sets them by the door, ready… for if the couch fills up and people need somewhere to sit.

The online shopper leaves Thanksgiving dinner early. “Farewell,” he says to those who remain there, eating and talking casually. “I will be partaking in an annual tradition. Some say it is a ridiculous grotesque waste of time, an indication of just how wrong we, as a society have gone, but I happen to enjoy it.”

Then the online shopper travels from the dining room… to the living room. Where he lays down on the couch and watches football.

The online shopper awakes on the couch with only seconds to spare until midnight. “Oh no!” he cries. “I’m going to be late.”

His ability to get one of the best deals of the year comes down to his dexterity and the speed of his motor. Sorry. Not motor. We meant modem.

The online shopper opens his laptop and navigates to Meh. “Nice,” he says, “A Fire tablet.”

He is done shopping at approximately 12:03am on Black Friday.