9-or-17-or-54-Pack: 6-Blade Shaving Razor Bundles
- Think of these razors as the “nuclear option” alternative to the hair fibers we sold yesterday.
- You get a 9, 17, or 54 pack of razors. 54 might seem like a lot, but don’t worry: they don’t expire.
- You get one handle for the 9 and 17 packs. 54 comes with two.
- We can’t tell you who made these, which should add some mystery to your Movember.
- Compatible with Dorco products… uh… but that could mean anything! YOU DON’T KNOW!
- Model: [REDACTED]
Shave Some Money
What you get with other razors is pretty simple: a brand name and a shave. With these razors, we’re obligated to keep the company that makes them a secret. You might think that means you only get the shave, no name. But you actually get so much more! Such as:
A Smug Sense Of Superiority
These other people–nay, these other sheep–wander around, blindly trusting the messages pedaled by our corporate overlords, but not you. No, you’re enlightened. If you could sharpen kale stalks into rustic straight-blade razors, you would. But you can’t. You’ve tried. So you’re left with one other option: unnamed razors purchased on a cheap deal-a-day site. Are they corporately-made razors? Sure. But at least you get to say: “I may not be able to avoid you, but that doesn’t mean I have to like you!”
Potential Podcast Fame
Maybe buying a Gillette razor will give you some peace of mind. But you don’t build a podcast empire on peace of mind. You build it on unanswered questions. You build it information that seems forever on the periphery, always close, but never clear. What we’re saying is, if you buy these razors, it just lead you to launch a wildly popular serialized investigative podcast in order to search out the truth: who made the razors? Can Gillette give you that?
A Possible Connection To A Possibly Award Winning Movie
Will we say definitively that the razors we’re selling here are the same brand and style that Mr. Robot himself Rami Malek used to shave his other-worldly jawline, leaving only the iconic Freddie Mercury mustache for his performance in what just might be the film of the year, Bohemian Rhapsody? No. We won’t say that. But we also won’t definitively say that it’s NOT the same type of razor he used either. Eh?
See? You can’t get fun like this with some brand-flaunting store-bought razors.