6-Pack of Assorted Terrapin Ridge Farm Garnishing Squeezes (Spicy or Savory)
- Choose between 2 6-packs: one spicy, one savory
- The spicy pack includes the following flavors: Spicy Chipotle, Harissa Aioli, Buffalo Ranch, Hot Wasabi, Sriracha Aioli, Jalapeno Aioli
- The savory pack includes: Pesto Aioli, Coconut Curry Aioli, Bacon Aioli, Everything Aioli, Chile Lime Aioli, Roasted Garlic Aioli
- Put them on stuff! They taste good!
- Nutrition facts & ingredients are over in the specs
Your Main Squeeze
Why buy an assorted 6-pack of Terrapin Ridge Farm Garnishing Squeezes when you can just make your own condiments? Seriously, it’s easy! Just follow these steps.
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Google a recipe for the dressing/condiment/spread you want to make.
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Find the one with the highest rating.
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Go to the food blog where the recipe is.
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Now scroll down to the bottom where the actual recipe is.
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Keep scrolling.
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More scrolling.
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X out the auto-play video.
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Seriously, you’re almost there, only a little more scrolling.
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Make a list of ingredients for the grocery store.
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Go to the grocery store.
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Buy all the ingredients, including the bottle of strange vinegar you will likely only ever use in this one recipe.
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Open the recipe back up and read–oh, shit, the page refreshed. It’s time to scroll again. This time do it FAST.
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You scrolled a little too forcefully and clicked an ad by accident.
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Navigate back to the recipe.
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Okay, you’re scrolling just right now! You’ve made it to the recipe in just five minutes flat!
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Perform the steps as written.
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Wait? What the fuck does ‘drizzle to fold in the vinegar’ even mean?
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Fucking dammit, you’re going to have to scroll up and see if there’s a picture of this in the narrative part of the recipe, aren’t you?
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So you just pour it in, huh? Are they fucking kidding you? That’s what you scrolled up for? Now you have to scroll back down again?
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Finish the recipe.
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Use it in a salad or on a sandwich or as part of some other dish.
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Have just enough leftover that you don’t know if you should save it or not.
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Put it in a Tupperware.
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Find that Tupperware in the back of the fridge in no less than two weeks.
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Keep the vinegar for at least five years or three moves, whichever comes first.
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Find another recipe that needs it and rejoice because you can finally use it agai–
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Wait? This vinegar is ‘refrigerate after opening’?! What the fuck kind of vinegar needs to be–
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Oh, so it’s not really vinegar. That’s just to make it seem more palatable to American consumers. Gotcha.
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Buy a new bottle of that “vinegar.”
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Use it in the recipe.
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Leave it in your fridge for the rest of your life.
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Eventually, pass gently into the light.
See! It’s so easy! In conclusion, there’s absolutely no need to buy these garnishing squeezes. Except for their taste and convenience.