6-Pack of Assorted Terrapin Ridge Farm Garnishing Squeezes (Spicy or Savory)

  • Choose between 2 6-packs: one spicy, one savory
  • The spicy pack includes the following flavors: Spicy Chipotle, Harissa Aioli, Buffalo Ranch, Hot Wasabi, Sriracha Aioli, Jalapeno Aioli
  • The savory pack includes: Pesto Aioli, Coconut Curry Aioli, Bacon Aioli, Everything Aioli, Chile Lime Aioli, Roasted Garlic Aioli
  • Put them on stuff! They taste good!
  • Nutrition facts & ingredients are over in the specs
see more product specs

Your Main Squeeze

Why buy an assorted 6-pack of Terrapin Ridge Farm Garnishing Squeezes when you can just make your own condiments? Seriously, it’s easy! Just follow these steps.

  1. Google a recipe for the dressing/condiment/spread you want to make.

  2. Find the one with the highest rating.

  3. Go to the food blog where the recipe is.

  4. Now scroll down to the bottom where the actual recipe is.

  5. Keep scrolling.

  6. More scrolling.

  7. X out the auto-play video.

  8. Seriously, you’re almost there, only a little more scrolling.

  9. Make a list of ingredients for the grocery store.

  10. Go to the grocery store.

  11. Buy all the ingredients, including the bottle of strange vinegar you will likely only ever use in this one recipe.

  12. Open the recipe back up and read–oh, shit, the page refreshed. It’s time to scroll again. This time do it FAST.

  13. You scrolled a little too forcefully and clicked an ad by accident.

  14. Navigate back to the recipe.

  15. Okay, you’re scrolling just right now! You’ve made it to the recipe in just five minutes flat!

  16. Perform the steps as written.

  17. Wait? What the fuck does ‘drizzle to fold in the vinegar’ even mean?

  18. Fucking dammit, you’re going to have to scroll up and see if there’s a picture of this in the narrative part of the recipe, aren’t you?

  19. So you just pour it in, huh? Are they fucking kidding you? That’s what you scrolled up for? Now you have to scroll back down again?

  20. Finish the recipe.

  21. Use it in a salad or on a sandwich or as part of some other dish.

  22. Have just enough leftover that you don’t know if you should save it or not.

  23. Put it in a Tupperware.

  24. Find that Tupperware in the back of the fridge in no less than two weeks.

  25. Keep the vinegar for at least five years or three moves, whichever comes first.

  26. Find another recipe that needs it and rejoice because you can finally use it agai–

  27. Wait? This vinegar is ‘refrigerate after opening’?! What the fuck kind of vinegar needs to be–

  28. Oh, so it’s not really vinegar. That’s just to make it seem more palatable to American consumers. Gotcha.

  29. Buy a new bottle of that “vinegar.”

  30. Use it in the recipe.

  31. Leave it in your fridge for the rest of your life.

  32. Eventually, pass gently into the light.

See! It’s so easy! In conclusion, there’s absolutely no need to buy these garnishing squeezes. Except for their taste and convenience.

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