Softness Guaranteed

Here is the claim:

Buyer Brian says these are the softest towels he’s ever felt.

Here’s what we do know:

Brian is the buyer for this product. So, inherently, he’s biased. Although, can we be sure of that? Maybe he sourced these towels specifically because they’re so soft. Right?

Also, over on Pillow Guy, which is apparently a real website, these things get five stars based on over a hundred reviews. Here’s one five-star review from user alex h.:

I replaced all the towels in my house with these towels and they are just absolutely amazing. I always thought hotel towels were the best but these are 10 times softer and better! Thanks Pillow guy we will be back for more!!

This would seem to back up Brian’s claim.

Here’s what we don’t know:

We don’t know if Brian’s some sort of pathological fibber, lying about the towel’s softness just like he’s lying about his dark past. We assume he’s not, because we’ve worked with him for a while now, and he’s very good at his job and also a cool guy. But then again, it can take a long time to realize something like that. Maybe this is going to be the breaking point? A bunch of people buy towels, report inadequate softness, and then we start to really question: how much do we know this “Brian” person, anyway?

Which is how we find out he’s one of these John-Wick-style super soldiers just trying to live a normal life and stay one step ahead of the people who want to drag him back down into the underworld.

On the other hand, he might not be a pathological liar; he might just be one of those people who say everything is the best thing ever when it’s just very good.

Not to mention, we don’t know what Brian’s or alex h.'s previous towel experience even is. Like, what if both of them have only ever used paper towels before? Or what if, due to some misunderstanding about the benefits of exfoliation, they each thought that, actually, the best way to dry off after a bath is with sandpaper? Kind of like how people who only ever drink gas station coffee think Starbucks is an amazing, upscale experience?

That’s another thing we don’t know: why I feel the need to take side swipes at Starbucks in copy for a towel.

Point is: we don’t know the softest towel they’ve experienced before these towels?

Although alex h. Does mention hotel towels… so…

The Conclusion

We trust Brian. And you should, too. And even if they’re not the softest towels you’ve ever felt, they’re probably soft enough.