2-Pack: NutraBurst Original Premium Liquid Multivitamin (64 servings)

  • Liquid absorbs way better than pills, tablets, or whatever that Flintstones-shaped chalk was back when you were a kid
  • A metric crap-ton of nutrition packed into every tablespoon (“10 salads worth,” they say)
  • In total 72 Minerals, 12 vitamins, 18 amino acids, 22 phytonutrients, and 18 vegetables
  • 32 servings per bottle
  • Model#: F-S4L4D
see more product specs

Or just get scurvy

There you are at the kitchen table, jaw aching, the will to continue fading.

To your left, three empty salad bowls. The dressing coats the dish. A lonely grape tomato rocks silently back and forth from the bounce-bounce-bounce of your unconsciously tapping foot underneath the table.

To your right, six more salads, untouched.

Directly in front of you is a half-eaten bowl of yet another salad. You already picked all the croutons out. You regret that. Those crunchy little garlic-tinged cubes were all that bolstered your faltering desire to keep going.

Bad choices. It’s a theme for you. You wonder if your mismanagement of the crouton rationing is a reflection of every other half-assed failure and fuckup of your largely unimpressive and increasingly mediocre life.

Is this just another example of cracking under the pressure when the going gets tough? You wonder at this point if failure is who you are or simply what you do. And is there even a difference?

You snort, swallowing with effort one last croutonless bite before casting the fork into the unfinished bowl.

Screw it.

Whatever vitamins do, this ain’t worth it. The benefits are probably exaggerated anyway. Just more lies your fifth-grade health teacher told you, handed down by shadowy lobbyists bought and paid for by Big Salad. Where else do you think she got that Camry money? Sellout.

Or…maybe instead of trying to eat ten salads a day you could just gulp down a tablespoon of this stuff, which will give you the nutritional equivalent (minus the croutons).

Your call, you salad-binging weirdo.

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