Illuminating Questions

Why do you need these? Just in case. It’s that simple. Get a 4-pack. Put one in your car, one in your spouse’s or kid’s or roommate’s car, one in the kitchen, and one in the basement. Boom. You got a backup flashlight in case of an emergency. That’s it. Done. Easy.

Sorry if we seemed a bit rushed in that first paragraph. It’s just, to be honest, these things sort of freak us out. It’s not that they themselves are freaky; it’s more that we have some intense questions about them, existential questions to be exact. For example:

1. If a light can be powered by the (minimal) physical effort of turning a crank, and physical efforts burn calories, and calories are acquired from food, could it be said that this flashlight is powered by food?

2. Follow up: are one’s dietary restrictions/decisions transferred to the light? As in: since I am not a vegetarian, you could say that my light is also not a vegetarian? Or, if someone ate gluten free, could you say that theirs produces a gluten-free glow?

3. On the other hand, if you’re using solar power, would you say that this light is powered by… light?

4. And if its light is powered by light, but that light cannot itself power another light, what might this teach us about life?

5. For example, might it prove that our lives are not cumulative as some believe? With each experience containing, in some way, all experiences before it?

6. Rather, might it show that each event is dictated only be the event before it? That we live a sort of free associated existence?

7. But most importantly: given that we’ve recently sold batteries–which are used to power other flashlights (which we also sell)–and a variety of charging devices–which are used to charge phones, most of which have a flashlight function–and these flashlights, when was the last time we sold anything that couldn’t be considered flashlight-adjacent?

8. In other words, are we are just a flashlight and flashlight accessories store?!

See, if you start thinking too hard about these things, stuff gets real deep. That’s why we recommend purchasing without thinking!