4-Pack: EZTools Winter Work Gloves with Touchscreen Tip
![Parody inspired by [post your guess] intended](https://d2b8wt72ktn9a2.cloudfront.net/mediocre/image/upload/c_pad,dpr_2.0,f_auto,h_400,q_auto,w_400/ks5t0wl0zsiijfgbqstf.webp)
Our Take
- Good work gloves
- The tip of the finger allows you to use your smartphone
- A 4-pack, meaning 8 gloves in total
- Can it make a margarita: No, but you can wear them… picking limes? Okay, maybe not the best one of these
Fits Like A...
The year is 2055. Grandfather rests in his rocking chair by the fire with his eyes closed as sounds of childish laughter and mirth come from the next room.
The commotion dies down slowly and then goes quiet. Grandfather, curious if there’s some problem, opens his eyes and finds the sum total of his grandchildren assembled beside him.
One of the boys pushes another forward. “Ask him,” comes the hushed demand.
The boy clears his throat. “Grandfather, how did you lose your finger?”
Grandfather chuckles. “You’ve noticed, have you? I can tell you the story, but I will warn you, it’s quite disturbing.”
“We can handle it,” says a girl. She tries to sound brave but does not step forward.
“'Twas around Christmas time, thirty years ago,” says Grandfather. “We needed a tree, and given that we lived on so many wooded acres, we saw no need to buy one. Instead, I announced that I would take a saw and a sled into the forest and find an appropriate tree.”
Murmurs spread throughout the children. The saw. Oh no.
Grandfather continues. “And so I walked, and I walked, and I walked. But all of the trees, they looked wrong in some way. So I kept going. Then, I found it. A magnificent specimen. So I set the saw to the base…”
The children gasp.
“…and I sawed it down.”
“But your finger,” says the boy.
“I’m getting to that,” Grandfather snaps. “On the way back, I got lost. Also, I was listening to a podcast. Did I mention that? Anyway, I kept having to take off my gloves to skip the ads. And at one point, I tore that finger right off the glove, so frustrated had I become. I got some very bad frostbite, and eventually it had to be amputated. Making matters worse, this came months after a site I shopped on had offered work gloves with fingertips that could work on smartphones. It was tragic.”
“Grandfather,” says another boy stepping forward. “What are trees?”
“Something we had back on the old planet,” Grandfather says. “But enough idle chatter. I’ll make us some cyber-coco and we can watch the sun set over Olympus Mons.”
