A Little Whole Lot

Howdy folks. Santa Claus here.

Now, as you can imagine, supplying the world’s children with toys over the course of a single night is a lot of work. But there are certainly perks to the job. One of them is this sweet bottomless bag I’ve got to work with.

Is it a portal? Is it like a Tardis where it’s bigger on the inside? I’m not at liberty to say. What I can tell you is, it’s handy. And not just for carrying presents, either. Take the time I heard a concerning rattle in the sleigh and had to land somewhere in the Canadian wilderness. I was able to reach around the piles of wrapped boxes and bags and pull out all the tools needed to accurately troubleshoot and fix the problem. And when a bear came out of nowhere, eager to tear me and my reindeer from limb to limb, all I had to do was reach into my bag and pull out a guard bear to protect us.

(And by the way, if you’re worried about violence, don’t be. Esteban employs a psychological fighting style known as radical bear mediation, in which he de-escalates the conflict without bloodshed.)

Point is: the thing has saved my butt plenty of times. But bottomless bags just aren’t practical for everyone to have. First of all, they’re a bitch to sew, and second, in order to maintain their powers, you need to adhere pretty strictly to certain dark arts I won’t name lest I risk damaging my brand as a “jolly guy.”

In summary, I have a bottomless bag. You don’t.

So you’d be wise to find some tools that take up a small amount of space while delivering a variety of emergency functions.

That’s what these are. You can write with them. You can use them as a flashlight or a strobe light. You can break windows with them. You can whistle with them. You can use them as a screwdriver. And that’s just the pens. I haven’t even gotten to all the stuff the cards can do. In a way, they’re kinda like you’re own endless bag! Just not nearly as cool.

So grab a 4-pack. They’ll make great stocking stuffers. As for me, I gotta get back to work. Oh no, nothing to do with presents. That’s all pretty much wrapped up, no pun intended. Nah, the elves and I are teaching Esteban to play the ukulele. It looks so cute the way he holds it with his big bear paws!