4-for-Tuesday: GO Belts with Pockets
- You get 4 stretchy belts that act as kangaroo-like pouches
- Each one has 2 expandable, zippered pockets for holding your phone, keys, and diamonds that you’re smuggling through customs
- Nobody said they were cool, but they’re pretty handy for running, flying, or night-on-the-towning
- Who knows, maybe they’ll become fashion-forward (probably not)
- They fit waist sizes 24"-50", so you can’t use that as an excuse
- Model: GOBELT (We’ve said it before – model numbers that are nothing but the name of the product make a mockery out of the noble art of model numbership. There should be a law … )
Function > Fashion
(Want a whole lot more to read? Check out The Mehliad)
For reasons that defy our understanding, the most useful wearable products are also often considered the most dorky. These stretchy belts provide unquestionable utility — they’re basically extra pockets — which means they’re unquestionably dorky.
Why is that?
Consider the fanny pack, to which these stretchy belts are a close cousin. Could anything be more useful than a large, marsupial-style pouch that rests on the waist? Yet is any fashion choice more universally maligned?
Wearing socks with sandals may provide close competition, but again — supreme utility. Combining the comfort of socks with the ease of use and versatility of sandals, this style should be applauded. Instead, its practitioners are castigated.
And why does this utility/style function mostly apply to wearables? Buying the most practical lawnmower isn’t dorky, it’s smart. Choosing the best car insurance doesn’t reflect poorly on one’s coolness. Lighting one’s house with electricity doesn’t make one lame just because it is more efficient than candles.
Yet wearing velcro, non-slip shoes to work is considered “uncool,” even though it is clearly the most practical choice. We reward those who make the least practical choices with the highest social status.
It ain’t right.
Those of us who wear long underwear in cold weather have too long been ridiculed for our reasonable choices. We must throw off the shackles of shame and wear our extra-short jogging shorts with pride. We must end the tyranny of fashion that limits our freedom to wear stretchy belts.
The time has come for a revolution. Or maybe we could just stop caring what anybody else thinks. Whichever is more efficient.
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4-for-Tuesday: GO Belts with Pockets 145
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